Hi, my partner has been getting chemotherapy for breast cancer for the past three months in the UK. I cannot be with them physically due to nationality and visa issues. It has been a very very challenging time for us due to this. I feel constantly guilty and have started having major anxiety due to this. I always try to put on a brave face when I talk to them ( which is very often throughout the day) but it just makes me so so sad and guilty. I constantly blame myself and though I know it isn’t in my hands to be there and I have tried very hard, it just is not a good space to be in mentally for the both of us.
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I’m so sorry to hear this I don’t know if there’s any way to expedite your visa issues perhaps on compassionate grounds but maybe if you post in the ask the Nurses section they may be able to signpost you to someone . There’s also a friends and family section here on the forum which you might find useful for support for yourself . MacMillan may also be good people to ask for advice .
It sounds as though you are having a lot of contact with your partner though which does mean that you are sharing their experience as much as you can and although you aren’t physically there you are listening and offering support and will mean a lot.
There are people on this forum who have been through this experience entirely alone and not always from choice or have struggled with partners who don’t understand / can’t deal with it / try to pretend it’s just not happening. Many of us would give a lot to have the psychological support that you are offering to your partner so although it is a really sad situation for you both please try not to feel guilty about it . Sending love to you both xx
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Thank you Joanne. Your kind words mean so much in these challenging times.
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Please don’t blame yourself. When I was diagnosed it was during the pandemic and lockdown so I was also separated physically from my partner for the most part (we weren’t living together so couldn’t be in the same bubble). Although my partner couldn’t be present I had his psychological support which I really valued.
Does your partner have other family or friends around who are supporting? x
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Thank you Pollyann. Reading this gives me a bit of hope. Currently close family is helping out but they also cannot stay for long, but we are grateful that someone is around even if for a short duration
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Dear sms,
My heart goes out to you, and the family sometime it as hard for the onlooker. I think this is happening to you.
Also, Joanne has come up with some excellent advice, which I know you are grateful for. At the moment, I think taking one day at a time and looking after yourself, eating good food, contacting some of your friends for a coffee and a chat, maybe a walk in the park (all very easy for me to say) when your not feeling great.
Fingers crossed for a good outcome with health and happiness ahead. Be kind to yourself we are all here for you. Keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.
Hugs Tili 
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Thank you Tili. Your kind words mean so much. I am really trying very hard to take care of myself too, whenever I can but the anxiety just takes over more often than I would like it to. But I am going to continue to push myself to be alright in whatever way I can. I want to live a healthy happy life with my partner and I will give it all I got. Thank you so much ! Hugs
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Hello over to sms !
I only did dign up on here and try to find my way around in this forum… im reading through loads of posts atm and came across yours and even if it is older, i send you a reply. We are in a rather similar situation , where our daughter still lives in the UK with her husband and we her parents did move to Denmark nearly 5 years ago. Last week we did find out- out of the blue- that our daughter has grade 3 breast cancer. Even if we dont have Visa issues- which must be absolutely overwhelming to have to deal with and are an adition on top of the stressfactor that you cant be with your partner in this highly distressing time…we have similar issues …as my ID card is not valid anymore to get into the UK since Brexit. So i have to apply for a express passport… my husband needs to take time off from work and our son will have to do the same from uni in Stockholm. Luckily enough that the Scandinavian countries are big into family matters, so there are special options in place to take time off aso… i dont know if you managed to resolve uour Visa issues and how the situation is right now for you and your partner but if you need to chat , then please feel free to reply here and send a note…
I wish both of uou strength to overcome this difficult time to have yo deal with all this being apart ! All the best T
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