Sheena sending you hugs and remember whatever it is you will not have to face this alone xxxxx
Sheena, if you feel like getting hammered, I follow suite. Don’t worry, I have no parade to rain onto, these days 
I am at home now; I am going to have a shower and then I come back here and I make a margarita or five.
I send you a big hug xxx
Love you dee and mael xxxx
Great to hear from you June ?. Havent had the post treatment comedown yet but at least i know its normal from your good advice. Will feel strange as i wont be back in work until the last week of term and then school hols? sometimes its good to be a teacher!
Glad you had a lovely meal June. So know what u mean about men though and hearinf friends talk of their hassles. Much rather be single than put up with rubbish!! I agree !!!
As for Tamoxifen no side effects as yet! Been on it a month. Expecting to when i start Zoladex injections in September though. Xxxxx
Evening 5B gang
have until Tuesday to make a decision whether or not to have chemo
2% benefits, not high, but still a bit of a risk
dee, I remember you saying that you had a 4% ? Hope that’s right
so been blubbering for 2 days now, very unlike me, usually take bull by the horns and deal with stuff
this to me has been worse than being told that I have cancer! That probably sounds bizarre but I have really lost the plot here
if I read anymore info, stats etc I may melt haha
family are anxious and want to know what I am going to do, understand how upset they are but I can’t tell them what cos I have no idea!
could guilt myself into doing it, no need to explain to you guys, or take my chances
what a choice to make
just need wise words my bosom buddies
sheena xxx
Sheena,
Agree with Mel. What ur going through i went through. It was the shock of it because initial plan was surgery then radio and you get your head round that. I was told after surgery that chemo would be discussed at my oncs appointment. I was devastated when told so go easy on yourself. My tumour was large 58mm so thats why they said chemo. My odds were 3-5% over 10 years. Basically i now have a 10% chance of recurrance. If i had the chemo it would cut that to 7%. I mulled it over too and went with my gut. I decided i’d been through enough and living alone was a big factor for me with regard to dealing with side effects from chemo. Take time out, cry ahout, scream. Do whatever you need to and your gut will tell you what to do. Don’t liaten to other people this is your body and your choice. Hugs Dee xxxx And remember with 5B you are never alone xxxx
Mael you are no wimp. Already we have done more than most women do and even most women on here. We have all had to face this alone no other half to support us through. When you think what you have done so far all of us give yourself a big hug.
Whatever you need to do you will do and survive it. Of that I am sure girls. Xxxx
Evening 5B’s!
Firstly, love you all for all the best words and kind thoughts you have given me
I’m still on the fence but stopped crying, so a step in the right direction haha
My son said to me today, “mum, I’d rather were your usual lively self and didn’t last as long than see you miserable having chemo, what’s the point for 2%” god love him!
So, he was off work this afternoon and made us watermelon daiquiris to celebrate summer and life, I’ve had a good few, omg delicious
dee, you have had a great day I hope, resting and planning all sorts I imagine!
mael, crazy lady, what’s new? Second opinion any closer?
June, hopefully you are out and about enjoying the summer
Looking forward to hearing all the latest news
sheena xxxxxxx
Hi lovely ladies,
Sheena - Good to hear the tears are gone but its good to have a good old cry too. Your son sounds brilliant and very mature. What a gent fixing you cocktails. You train him well! Xx
Mael i like your personal philosophy and have to agree re 2%. But then thats our decision. I havent had a single regret of declining chemo.
June how r u? Of all us girls your the furthest along.
My tit is red and peeling at mo and still feel fatigue from rads but getting better. So i plan to get sloshed with friends tomorrow night. If in doubt drink it out. A good old Irish saying! Xxxx
As ever girls you are the best?
I’ve had a fairly bad day – got the news that the multidisciplinary committee said ok for the radios instead of the op but only after I’ve had chemo, and I will have to meet an oncologist next week to see my prognosis based on what they know now. I will push to have hormonal therapy instead – my cancer is 8/8 er and pr positive – and possibly the radios at the same time, which I think it’s the best compromise I can achieve between the need to kill the guest and the need to keep the host willing to live on.
I feel lonely, absymally lonely. All my friends are scandalised that I go against medical advice and dish the usual cheap positivism. My cousin think that I am a cretin (not that I care, but we usually agree on things). The discussion with the oncologist is likely to bring further aggro. I don’t know where to turn for comfort. I almost wrote to my ex, who in principle would probably agree with me, but wisely decided against, since after all we split for a reason. Today I was really at the end of my wits. I am a strong woman but today I would need a mother (sadly my mother is a total harpy and we haven’t spoken in fifteen years, thanks goodness).
I am sad for myself, how my life went from being quite awesome to being consumed with a cancer obsession. I am quite confident that once I’ll have spoken with the oncologist I’ll feel better, even if it turns out that I have six months to live (which as far as I know it’s far from being the case), but right now I feel s*** and I don’t even want to get wasted, because it has stopped providing relief.
Looking forward to see the shrink tomorrow. He usually provides some solace, and this time is sorely needed.
hugs, xxx
mael
"I keep feeling now i want to do something meaningful,with my life,but i cant see what," June, same here, dear, x.
I have no idea what to do with my remaining life. I am even at the end of my career path, which means it would be the time to slouch back and enjoy a reasonably well-paid coasting, but doesn’t provide any clear-cut goals.
To be fair I do have some consolations: 5B, my cats and, surprisingly, my colleagues: never saw such sweet, good-natured and kind fellow programmers: I am treated like royalty. A reason more to keep on working regardless, as my sector tends to be cut-throat and far from friendly. I used to be a finance programmer, I wonder sometimes how many years this has shaved from my life expectancy.
Girls, I am usually a trooper but I am f***** tired now. When does this nightmare ends? I don’t mind early death but, by goodness, I want to be happy till then, and right now I’ve lost the plot a bit. It needs to get better.
goodnight, and lurve ya all
x mael
June you always sum up perfectly how we all feel living alone. I think thats why we have all met on here its happened for a reason. I know what you mean about wanting to do something meaningful and we will. Think how we have all helped each other that is meaningful and it wont stop.
Mael you have to do what is right for you. Ask them about zoladex and tamoxifen. Thats what i’m having and research suggests it just as effective as chemo but better for stopping a recurrance. I dont want you to suffer Mael and be unhappy. Listen to what they say and perhaps get a second opinion if that feels right. As for people not understanding i have some advice. I got to know a young man who was doing chemo and rads for colorectal cancer and was in a bad way. We got chatting about both our cancers and I said id refused chemo. He turned round to me and said ’ if anyone tries to tell you, you made the wrong choice tell them to ‘F*** Off! ’ . We did laugh as only two cancer patients can together.
Really hope you feel OK Mael, can’t believe some relations making life difficult for you. 5B sends them a look of disgust!!’ Hang in there xxxx
Mael, my darling I am devastated for you and hate the fact that you feel so awful. I just wish I was nearby and could give you a huge hug and sit down and let you have a bloody good cry/rant/swear
there is me blubbing all over the place when it’s nothing compared to your situation
im humbled, and not sure what to say right now. Let’s just do one step at a time, see what your oncologist has to say, if you don’t agree then ask for a second opinion, if this forum has shown me anything it’s the variety of different treatments and views of professionals across the UK and how difficult it is for people to make the best decisions
I do hope you can get a chance to feel free of all this s***e tomorrow and enjoy the day off
I will pm you
dee, sorry for sore tit, we will have to rename you x chin up sweetheart x
counting my blessings tonight
hopefully we’ll get some sleep
love you all
sheena xxxxx
Hi Mael,"total tit " here.You and Sheena seem to be having such a crap time.Its torture having to make such potentially life changing decisions particularly when you are already feeling emotionally battered from all you have gone through already.I know what you mean about friends and advice,I could have cheerfully head butted most of my friends over the last few weeks.Somehow they think that if you “keep positive” this will have an outcome on your results ,wrong .The childless friend who has been telling me how to handle with my son,if I want your advice I will ask for it!They can’t help coming out with platitudes but they don’t know what to say,Mael do you have someone you trust who you can take to Oncologist appointment who can listen to what is said too?It is so difficult to remember what is said when you are anxious.I got good news when I went for my results but I feel kind of weird now.Feel almost like I have an anxiety hangover feel tearful and emotional and like I can’t really deal with real life yet.A man shouted at my dog when I took him for a walk and I burst into tears, nothing left in the tank to deal with anything extra hassle.Hope you have a calm day,I’m sure you will feel better once you have had the opportunity to discuss properly with Oncologist.Jill.P.s are 5B doing any gigs?
Actually Jill 5B are doing a gig at the 02 to promote our new single ‘if u make me cry I’ll punch you in the face’ from our debut album ‘BC Bitches Beware!’ Lol ?xxxxx
I will get a ticket or I could do security for you,I feel like punching a few people…If they tell me to “F off” though I will cry.Is Harry still in the band?
Welcome Dawn to our Bonkers Club ?
Firstly all us girls on here perfectly understand how you feel as we live alone too. Have friends with ‘busy lives’ but both my parents died a good while back. I’m 44 and its hard getting this in your 40’s.
We cry, sob, scream and laugh on this thread together and it keeps us all sane.
You are very welcome Dawn and we will all support you through this. First things first we’ll have to change the band name to 6B. As you have read we all have nicknames. Blue tit, Green tit, Tit in a trance. Birthday Boobie and Total Tit. What will your name be…Off your Tits ??
I am sending you a big hug and you have just made some very good friends who will support you. Dee?xxxxx
I am out and about, not to mention very frazzled myself, but I do raise a toast to 6B. Feel free to be as positive or as negative as you feel, we have a strict “anything goes” policy. Welcome to 6B, and a warm hug. Xxxx
Does this mean Zayn is back in the group?I will definitely come to gig …
Hi dawn, I’m blue tit! aka sheena
welcome to the most exclusive of clubs, we are bonkers, support each other through all traumas
popping out just now, will message you later xxxxx
sheena xxxx