Hi, I feel pathetic posting on here. I should be coping better. Especially when I know deep down that I am so lucky compared to so many other people. But I’m really struggling and I don’t know where else to turn. I was diagnosed with DCIS at the beginning of August and have subsequently had a lumpectomy and licap reconstruction. I have also found out this week that my margins were clear and no further surgery or treatment is required. I should be over the moon. I should be thrilled like all my friends and family are. But I feel miserable. I’m still in a lot of discomfort and pain from the surgery (just under 3 weeks ago). I’m desperate to return to my normal self and move on now that this chapter can be so gratefully closed. I’m taking regular pain medications and have had to stop my HRT which I think must be contributing to my low mood. I’m not sleeping well and am just exhausted. I go out for short social intervals but just want to spend the rest of the day in bed. Has anyone else felt like this? Everyone seems so positive on here and I’m desperate to find some reassurance.
Dear Lulu,
Welcome to the forum, so sorry to read that you are having a difficult time at the moment, I promise it will get better.
Firstly. Please be kind to yourself, it’s very early days, take all the help offered, also meals and sleep are so important, so some special treats and all the lovely food you enjoy, also a little rest with a good magazine on the sofa is a great comfort followed by a nice walk around the block.
Take one day at a time, breast cancer and surgery are a big shock to us all, also after the appointments begin to dye down we lose our comfort blanket and begin to feel anxious this is all very normal (remember it to well)
I do wish you well, going forward with lots of happiness ahead. We are all here for you. Keep posting letting us know how you are feeling.
With the biggest hugs Tili 
Welcome to the forum @lulu78 . Please don’t apologise for how you are feeling , having cancer in any form shakes you to the core and makes you feel very vulnerable . We have all had times when we feel scared /anxious / low either during or after treatment . My GP said to me when I was apologising for being an anxious wreck and needing Valium just to get through the day “ you can’t underestimate the impact being faced with your own mortality has “ . As Tili said give yourself time don’t expect to be back to yourself as if nothing has happened - that’s unrealistic .
You might appreciate the “ Mountain Lion “ story that depicts how everyone is affected by a cancer diagnosis no matter what stage or type . Hoping you feel better soon , come chat here - we’ve all had dark times dealing with this 
.
Hi lulu
Don’t feel guilty everyone goes through something similar you just had surgery took me at least 6 weeks to feel normal not so tired and energy to came back
I think cancer changes how you feel and your hormones are all over the place . Just take each day as it comes take care x
Tili! You’re the kindest person ever! I’ve noticed you dropping words of kindness all over this forum - bless you and your good heart. 
Dear Roxie,
Many thanks for your kind words, it means a lot, wishing you health and lots of happiness going forward.
With the biggest hugs Tili
I agree. So kind and supportive. Thank you. Posting and getting the thoughts and feelings out has helped and receiving all these encouraging messages has already started to lift my spirits. Xx
Thank you for sharing the Mountain Lion. That really resonated with me. I’m going to share it with my husband, I think he would find it helpful too xx
Hi Lulu, like several of the others have said, you’ve gone through an awful lot and had a massive shock to the system and I really don’t think anyone else however had they try and fully understand that if theyve not been in this “club” but we all do:) It’ll take time but you will start to get thrtr but 3 weeks is nothing so just take your time, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself. Can I suggest seeing if you’ve got a local BC support centre who may be able to offer some counselling? That helped me a bit.
I absolutely love the Mountain Lion tale especially the bit about the kale, definitely made me laugh, am going to share this with a friend. Take care Lulu and remember, you’re not on your own, youve got a whole lovely group to help you xxx
Hi lulu78
When I was first diagnosed I had some sessions of counselling and one thing really stuck in my mind. The counsellor said to try and respond to yourself how you would others. If a friend told you they had been diagnosed with DCIS and had to undergo surgery, and less than three weeks after all of that was still struggling, would you say to them they are pathetic? I’m guessing not, so please never think of yourself as such.
You’ve been through a really tough time and it’s still early days. It’s not just the surgery, it’s the fear we have experienced, the vulnerability, changes to our body and self image. Be gentle with yourself, you will get back to normal, but give your recovery the time it deserves. x
Hi
Please be gentle with yourself
Its so hard to be out of control and emotions run all over the place
Would it help to chat to a counsellor or to the service Someone Like Me?
Don’t beat yourself up, its really hard to feel normal and back in control so just do 1 thing today, 2 things tomorrow etc
And make sure you are doing some gentle exercises every day, a walk, a dance to the radio, a pilates or yoga session …just rake each day
Best wishes x
Hi Lulu78 I’m so sorry to hear you’re not feeling good 
cancer is a massive shock to our system as well as our daily normal life, I can honestly say you will get through this, at the beginning of diagnosis your busy with appointments an recovery but the aftermath of normalcy seems along way off BUT please listen to your body and rest well be kind to yourself, speak to Gp about low moods , you are not alone I promise
I was at rock bottom but slowly began moving forward with help and support , it’s good to talk and I’m sure there will be support groups in your area when you’re ready , take care and keep talking XXX
Hi Lulu78,
In time please get in contact with breast cancer now and ask to join the moving forward course. It really helped me Moving Forward | Breast Cancer Now
You’re not alone I promise you
Sending love Emma
Hello @lulu78! You are not alone, and you are certainly not pathetic! The sudden loss of HRT will be driving you mad. You can’t expect yourself to be normal: this is a sudden and awful trauma that you’ve been through, and you may even feel PTSD-type symptoms. The pain and discomfort of surgery, unfortunately, will always take much much more than 3 weeks to go. I’d read everywhere that it would be six weeks. That turned out to be b**cks; and it’s bad advice, because you’re waiting to feel better. When you don’t, you get upset and think it’s your fault. It isn’t.
As you are really struggling, try to find some form of help. Talk to your GP, or find your nearest Maggie’s (where you will find lots of amazing practical support in lots of different centres) or if near London Future Dreams House, in King’s Cross. Another option is to ring Macmillan or the help service run here by BCN. (They also do a ‘phone a friend’ service where you are matched with a cancer survivor with similar diagnoses.) There is in fact quite a lot of choice out there, which is brilliant! I thought I was as strong as an ox, mentally. Until this happened…admit it to yourself, and allow yourself to be low, if you are. Take walks in nature, allow yourself to take time out and forget about ‘being normal’ for now. I wish you loads of luck with your journey.
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. This week has already be so much better and I think that knowing I have the support in here has been a true godsend. I’ve returned to doing a few hours of laptop work each day and it’s help to keep me occupied and able to see light at the end of the tunnel xx
Dear Lulu sorry to hear things feel difficult. Three weeks is absolutely no time at all! I read lots of unhelpful advice on the internet about “normal” recovery time - for my op it often said 6 weeks and claimed pain would go after a couple of weeks but for me I didn’t feel back to normal until at least 6 months in and the pain took 4 months to go. SO be kind to yourself and don’t expect miracles. Having cancer takes time to process too! You will bounce back in time. Lots of hugs x
Dear Lulu78
We are all here for you, with love and support, I can see you have had some excellent advice from our other ladies on the site, I know will help you so much.
I would like to wish you, health and happiness going forward,
Please keep posting to let us know how your getting on.
With the biggest hugs Tili
Hi I’m waiting for an MRI to determine whether it’s ’breast conserving surgery’ or mastectomy… the breast surgeon was pretty calm and said it’s non aggressive (as far as he can tell)…
All my friends have agreed it’s really positive news and I’m trying to agree
Inside I feel like ‘stop all the clocks! Wtf???’
It’s so bloody unfair…
Like you I’ve had to stop my (max strength) HRT and that’s obs not helping
I’m 60 and still working 3 days a week which helps
I’m feeling all these back pains and neck pains and keep thinking ‘this is it’
Rant over 
You never think it’ll happen to you….
You’ll get through this. It will feel like such a long slow slog but I promise that it is doable and I already feel like I’m coming out the other side. Things are settling down, pain is subsiding, I’m becoming more comfortable in my ‘altered’ body and my brain is less like mush. I’ve worked a few days this week and that has helped me feel a little more ‘normal’. I did get some anti-depressants from the doctor, I know they won’t be having an effect yet but somehow it’s helped feeling more in control.
Please don’t suffer in silence. The support on here has been amazing and there are so many resources available if you need them. You’ll feel in limbo until a definite plan is made, it’s a difficult time. Look after yourself , be kind to yourself. Xxx