My double mastectomy surgery is scheduled for June 22nd. I wanted to get reconstruction at the same time but a plastic surgery couldn’t see me in a time frame my team and I were comfortable with. So it’s reconstruction later which will make two hard surgeries I have to go through and some time being flat for the first time since a baby. I’m not looking forward to being flat and I am scared crapless about the lymph node check. No one is anticipating finding it in my lymph nodes but we all know cancer doesn’t care what you anticipate. So who knows. And then that will mean radiation and chemo and just a whole lot of stress in regards to my future. How do you deal with the anxiety of all this and what it means? I hate feeling scared all the time.
Hi Kay
It is all overwhelming and you are right, things could still change. I had 5 diagnoses in 4 weeks, starting with “I don’t think you have anything to worry about” after a clear mammogram and a clear ultrasound. Just 2 tiny freckles on my areola!
I’m afraid we are all different and what helps one person may not help someone else. You need to build up your resilience now, while you are waiting. Practise whatever helps you - meditation, running, yoga, mindfulness - and practise it as often as you can, several times a day. I found the free videos on YouTube by Progressive Hypnosis were my lifesaver and I still use them daily. It’s more visualisation, breathing technique, meditation than hypnosis. There are NHS-endorsed apps like Calm and Headspace with lots of ideas of how to deal with the stress.
I wish I’d gone for a double mastectomy. I never contemplated a reconstruction but I didn’t predict that hormone therapy would mean my cute 34B boob expanding to 36D. I always wanted bigger breasts but not just one! I embrace what I call monoboobery but it is lopsided. Now I’d rather be flat, I’m so used to my flat side. So much more comfortable and aesthetically right.
Surgery is easy but you may have drains (ask - it was a shock to me and no guidance as to how to manage the blessed thing!). Make sure you have a stock of front opening pjs and tops (I wore a couple of my husband’s old shirts for weeks) and hopefully have help as you won’t be up to lifting pans, carry trays etc. You also will have to wear compression stockings which are an absolute bu**ger and need help with those.
It sound easy but maybe it’s not for some people - don’t start predicting, definitely don’t Google anything (it always ends in tears), just accept for now what you have to deal with. Don’t start worrying about node involvement until you have to. You need to take everything step by step, be aware of the possibilities but not assume they apply to you. Otherwise, you will be a mess! But be practical - if you do need chemotherapy and radiotherapy, it’s for a good reason and, unpleasant as it may be, it is manageable. Most of us here have been through it. I found radiotherapy a doddle, more an interesting experience than anything else. No pain till weeks later, just a little itching, but chemo wiped me out. Others bounce around chemo and are struck down by radiotherapy. When I say struck down, I’m thinking of fatigue. You have to experience it to understand it, it’s not tiredness lol.
Ok, I think I’ve put you off a bit but seriously, surgery is uncomfortable afterwards but I never needed pain relief - just stock up with paracetamol and ibuprofen in case!
Wishing you all the best xx