Surgery today suddenly petrified

So after multiple biopsies. Lost markers extra guide wires . Computers failing. Its finally surgery day.
And I’ve just realised this is happening to me. Its not a bad dream I’ve got breast cancer. Tiny tiny tumor but it’s still there. I know it will be gone when I come round this afternoon but what then more weeks of worry have they got it all?
Why today to bring all these emotions to the top. Ive been crying since I woke at 4am don’t have to be at the hospital till 11.30
Oh God I’m a mess and Im dying for a cup of tea!!!
Sorry ladies not the usual positive message found on here but I know you will all understand

Hi Nikkit
Bless you, and such a totally normal reaction. You’ve no doubt been being strong and positive for your family and loved ones, but this is crunch time and you’re bound to be feeling like this but I promise you’ll be fine. Yes, there will be more waiting afterwards, but we are given that time to ensure we heal well and safely, so take it slowly and easily and you will get there one day at a time.

I know I’m responding a little late and you’re no doubt at the hospital by now. I hope they don’t keep you waiting too long. Good luck and there are many ladies here for you when you’re ready to share xx

Bless you ladies for being there.
I didnt go down till 4.15 and wasnt great coming round, so stayed overnight.
Feeling a bit more human today although have discovered i cant stretch forwards on operated side …big ouchy !!!
Hope to go home around 10ish
Thanks as always for being there xx

How are you getting along Nikkit?

Hi Chocxie7
Thank you for thinking of me .
Im ok wound is healing ok. Ive just got a really painful back. It was painful when I had my guidewire and hasnt improved.
In fact it brought me to tears earlier today.
Im at my practise nurse for a wound cgeck in the morning so i might ask her advice.
Emotionally im all over the place. I suppose its back in the waiting game place again. Im sure they got it all but well im sure you understand.
How are you doing ?

Hi Nikkit
Glad to hear you’re starting to heal, but I feel for you with the back pain. I don’t have any experience of a guide wire, is that to do with reconstruction? I haven’t gone down that route yet, as was advised to wait in case I need rads.
I’m ok, experiencing some nerve pain, not nice, but hopefully will get it under control now. I’m now between my BCNs and my GP, which is a little easier as hospital is 40 minute drive away.
The waiting game sucks, I’m waiting my oncology appointment and dreading what they’re going to say. I’m trying to stay positive and find the only way to do that is to live in the here and now and try not to focus on the appointment, which is still weeks away.
Look after yourself x