Forgive me for what might be a nonsensical ramble. I was diagnosed with Stage 1, grade 2, 18mm IDC in November 2024. Lumpectomy done, clear margins, no lymph node involvement, 10 sessions RT and Tamoxifen for 5 years. I was 43 at diagnosis. The year prior to that one of my childhood friends had breast cancer, stage 3. She had chemo, mastectomy and lymph node involvement. Just prior to my wedding she was told she was cancer free however I found out this week that her cancer has returned and spread to her liver and is advanced to the point she is unlikely to survive past the next 6 months. My pals kept this from me while I was undergoing treatment which I’m grateful for, but just when I thought I was getting to the stage of dealing with the emotional ripple of my own diagnosis I’ve now to watch one of my oldest friends die. She has two young kids. I now have what I can only feel is survivor guilt or something, coupled with absolute terror that as her cancer returned, mine will follow suit. I arranged counselling recently which I due to start at the end of April but thought I would come on here for some support. The last few days have been rough. I can’t bring myself to contact her as I have no idea what to say. I’m caught between utter devastation, guilt and fear. I don’t really have a question….just seeing if there are any words of wisdom or perspectives out there.
just wanted to reach out to you when sadly friends who had breast cancer before I did and sadly friends who went through treatments same time as me have gone to stage 4, their concern was to protect everyone and still be treated as them, to still talk and to still make memories and to make each day count I am sharing this because this is my personal experience from the beautiful friends I have loved and sadly already lost please do ring the number on here and speak to a nurse and also the someone like me option might help you too others will pop on and reach out to you too be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time there are no right or wrongs with all of this 
Shi xx
@lambo01 - I was diagnosed with her2 breast cancer in August , I’ve had a mastectomy, chemo and now continue with herceptin…
I have many friends who are still here years down the line and friends who sadly didn’t make it . One of my friends is stage 4 and it’s in her bones but she’s trying to live her life to the full for however long she has left , she’s currently on holiday in India and I know she tries not to see herself as unlucky or a victim . We chat a lot and she doesnt wasnt to be pitied or felt sorry for …
Im so sorry you are experiencing the potential loss of your friend … I hope she has lots of support around her . Please be kind to yourself too and don’t ever feel guilty … you are coping with your own diagnosis too . The most you can do is be there for your friend. Offer your support , tell her you love her . It’s absolutely normal that you’ll be filled with fear if your own cancer returning too . If you ever need advice or support you can call the Breast Nurses on the forum xx
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Arty1
Hello @lambo01
Just wanted to say that the day after I was given the good news that my margins were clear , that nothing else was found and my SNB was negative my lovely colleague who had been suffering from metastatic prostate cancer passed away. I can’t really explain my emotional state that day - it was like a storm inside me and ironically it was blowing a gale outside as well which felt very fitting. I felt horribly guilty - then at his funeral the widower of another colleague caught me off guard by asking how work was . I said that I hadn’t been there for some time and he said nothing serious I hope and I was distracted because it was a funeral after all and said breast cancer - his wife had died of breast cancer . That felt pretty awful - I wondered how he felt about me standing there telling him this when his wife was gone and why did I have a right to still be there when these two wonderful people were no longer here. Then my partner told me that the wife of someone he knew had been diagnosed with cancer out of the blue and given 3 weeks to live. I remember crying and this awful sense of guilt and loss - and I had not even met her. All I can say is I came to terms with the survivors guilt and although fear of recurrence occasionally rears it head it’s not generally with me. The Moving Forwards course and getting some family problems sorted and my life back onto some sort of even keel helped. I didn’t have counseling but might consider it as I have some unresolved issues around my Mum’s death as well.
That brings me to my next point . I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and I think I fully understand why you feel so afraid and guilty. However your friend will be happy for you that you are now well and you have every right to be here and to be happy and to not allow her tragedy eclipse the fact that you have had cancer and your life has been turned upside down and truthfully you will probably not be quite the same person you were before. You are entitled to all the feelings you have and to work through them.
One of the worst things is to lose someone and have regrets about things left unsaid or undone . It’s going to be very hard but I think if you don’t contact her you will come to regret it . Maybe you could visit with a mutual friend to begin with that way the situation might be a little less intense and then be guided by her as to what she wants to talk about / how she wants to handle it . Remember she has had some time to come to terms with her diagnosis ( if anyone ever does ) whereas to you it’s new as it was kept from you so that you could concentrate on getting through your treatment - and again there’s nothing wrong with that . Hopefully your Counsellor will be able to help you and give you some coping strategies . Sending lots of love xx
I am so sorry to hear this. We all are because breast cancer can get anyone of us and we know it. I cannot wait until there is a dependable cure for stage 4 sisters. In saying that though, if you would want to be contacted if you ever get to stage 4, then I would contact her. You don’t have to say anything profound. Just simply “I’m so sorry and will do anything you need me to do” would be enough I would think. As far as how to deal with the terror that it could happen to you, time and therapy does help. And also facts. No one can’t guarantee for anybody that it won’t come back but most of us have tumors that won’t. Breast cancer is cured the vast majority of times. Not knowing for sure is hard at first but eventually you do get used to it because no one knows anything for sure after all. We’re no different than any other person out there who could die at a moment’s notice. But what is happening is most undeniably unfair and sad and I hope your friend defies the odds.
It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by guilt, fear, and sadness when dealing with your own battle and watching a dear friend suffer too. It’s a lot to carry, and it’s okay to feel mixed up. I hope counselling can offer you some comfort and help you find your way through these emotions.
I can see you have already had some excellent advise from our lovely ladies.
This is all so hard to deal with, just take one day at a time, maybe over the weekend you could call or message your dear friend, I know she’s probably waiting for that special chat with you, maybe this would help you along the way.
Wishing you well, with lots of happiness ahead.
Love Tili 
I’m sorry to hear that. My cancer is similar to yours (Stage 1, no chemo) and I empathise with much of what you are feeling. A sense of guilt that I have gotten off so lightly compared to others. I feel like a bit of a fraud personally.
I think your friend would appreciate you reaching out to her. Not even as someone who has experienced BC but just as a friend.
I hope the counselling helps when it comes around. Take care of yourself xxxx