Hi Everyone
Even though I haven’t completely finished my treatment yet - I still have three years of Aromasin to take - at times I feel so guilty that I am still here when others haven’t survived and I don’t mean people who have not suvived BC but all cancers and other illnesses.
Sometimes I get very scared. When I hear of people dying I panic and think when will it be me.
Is this normal?
Hello
yeah I believe it is completely normal and we are torn between guilt because we are still here and OK for now, and relief that we are here and OK for now.
Its a hell of a conundrum, but I do think its normal.
best wishes to you
monica xxx
Hello
I never felt guilty after primary dx, but I do feel guilty now after sec dx. Guilty because I feel I’ve let my family down, by getting the sec dx, guilty that they will have to deal with the ‘after’ when I’m gone. Guilty because I’m still here (two years on from sec dx), prolonging the situation. Can’t help thinking sometimes that, knowing that I’ll die, probably within the next 2-3 years (according to statistics at least), makes it very difficult for hubby to cope. We’re in a kind of limbo, trying to pretend that nothing is wrong, yet all the while conscious of what’s going to happen. Not a question of if, but when.
I guess this is part of what is meant by ‘living with cancer’ - at the moment I’m reasonably fit and well, so living as much of a normal life as possible, but it’s one hell of a sword of Damocles isn’t it? I hope that when the time comes I’ll go quickly, as I would hate for it to drag on, for my husband and daughter’s sakes.
But hey, enough about me. I hope that you’re in a completely different situation. You’ll feel all sorts of things and I guess that yes, it is normal - allow those feelings to happen, acknowledge them but try not to let them affect your life too much. Easier said than done I know.
Best wishes.
Alison x
Over the past 4 years (since discovering bc forums! I have obviously got to know a lot of people with breast cancer - have even held meets/picnics at my place. Now when I look back over photos of those occasions I am horrified to realise how many are not with us any more. Sometimes I feel like I am standing in a line-up waiting to see if it is my turn next. I don’t really have any guilt feelings, just that I am looking at the inevitable - not a case of if but when as Alison said. I do feel really quite sad for my kids and OH because they have lived with 20 years of uncertainty with my bc but gosh am I glad they have been there for me.
Dawn
xx
I understand what you are all saying and I know that this is just one of the other many things I/we have to go through as part of it all.
I just needed the reasurrance that I wasn’t alone in thinking this and that others have felt it too.
I appreciate all your kindess.
Love to you all and good health.
XXXXXXXXXXXx