Hi,
And sympathy and hugs to everyone who finds themselves in the same boat.
I was diagnosed with invasive ductal cancer Grade 2 last week, and have a mammoplasty and sentinel node biopsy scheduled for 16/12. It’s the last day of term for my Y6, who will then have three weeks off. At least I won’t need to be doing the school run.
The surgeon said (nicely) that she wasn’t worried about me, though of course I am worried about myself and even more so about my daughter. She hasn’t had any experience of anyone with cancer as far as I know (apart from a teacher who died just before she joined the school but never met) and I really don’t know how much she is aware of it.
She will be having a sleepover with a friend on the day of the operation, and possibly the next day if I am still not in great shape/unable to put my happy reassuring face on (so far I have pulled this off quite well).
I realise I am going to have to tell her but not sure about when or how. I don’t want to tell her too far in advance as I can’t see the upside: she is quite young for her age and I really don’t think she has picked anything up. We like watching Strictly together and I thought about talking to her about it about 15 minutes before the show, a week before the op, when we are snuggled up on the sofa in readiness. Hopefully she will have time to ask questions then focus on something else - this worked both times when I broke the news a grandparent had died.
I don’t know if this is the right forum ie this is all new to everyone here, but any thoughts or advice gratefully received. Obviously there are questions I am dreading… Thank you
Hi,
I was absolutely dreading telling my kids but I did it yesterday. I have a 15 year old girl and 11 year old boy. If I had my time again, I would do it exactly the same way.
Basically I told them both that I had some “good news”. I told them that I had found a lump in my breast and I was really worried about it. The good news is that the doctors have confirmed they can definitely remove it and they are doing it next week!
My daughter immediately asked “why is that good news”. I said because I didn’t think they would take it out until next year so I am really really happy that it’s going to be next week and I am happy that the doctors are certain they will get rid of it.
She asked if the lump was the “dreaded thing” and I said we didn’t know for certain but it did look suspicious and that’s why I am really happy it’s being removed.
It seemed to please them both that I was happy and confident. Also, I told them I would only be in hospital 1 or 2 nights and when I came back, we were going to watch some good films together.
My plan is to drip feed the information. Once I get the pathology results of my surgery, I will tell them that it turned out to be a sinister lump and thank goodness it has already been removed. If I need chemo / radio, I will then explain that we don’t want it to come back so this is why etc…
I hope it goes well when you tell daughter. My biggest tip is to keep it as positive as possible as she will feed of your positive vibes.
Sending lots of love and strength x
Dear @Demelza , our Forum users have made some very good suggestions already. I’d like to add Mummy’s Lump, which is available to download in PDF:
breastcancernow.org/information-support/publication/mummys-lump-bcc164
Sending all our love
Bernard