Telling Children Tomorrow - Just Need Some Hugs!

Now I have my treatment plan (chemo after half term due to 2 lymph node involvement - onc agreed a couple of weeks delay was ok so we could go on holiday) we’re going to tell our boys tomorrow. They know I had lumps removed in an operation 2 weeks ago but we’ve kept it low key so far.

I know what I’m going to say but I have this immense guilt of ruining their childhood. I waved them off to school today (12 & 14) and burst into tears as I thought this is the last day of their innocence :cry:. My alcoholic mother ruined my childhood and I vowed not to do the same with my children and yet here I am casting a shadow over their lives!

My youngest is autistic so I have no idea how he’ll react and my eldest is v v anxious + sadly we’ve known some people who have died of cancer and I worry he’s going to focus on that!!!

Not sure what I’m asking for but you lovely people always seem to make me feel better in this horror so any wise words, virtual hugs or experiences would be fab xx


Ahh I feel for you. Its really tough. I didn’t have children when I went through treatment, but had loads of that age group around me. They were remarkably resilient and just focused on practical things. It didn’t stop us going out, doing things, being active. There were just odd days when we couldn’t. It really taught them alot as they have grown up understanding cancer outcomes can be very positive. I think once the initial shock is out of the way, explain there will be good days and bad days, then plan some fun things. It wont be a permanent shaddow, just a blip. Take care.

My kids were almost 15 and 17 when we told them and I worried about it just like everyone else does. None of us want to affect our kids in a negative way. But quite honestly it hasn’t been too bad for them even though I got chemo and many surgeries thanks to this little beast. My youngest who has an anxiety disorder cried when I told her and I immediately reiterated in a completely positive voice that I would be fine. Because quite honestly not saying that would make it worse in the present and if I wasn’t fine I doubt they’d blame me for lying later on. Both kids went off my tone moreso than what I was saying and ended up doing quite well after the news. In fact we bonded together beautifully and they really helped me when I needed it the most. Kids really do adjust as long as you don’t speak out your fears to them.

Hello Donna,

My heart goes out to you, I can remember this time so so well, my children are adults, this was one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced, in fact I told friends before tell them. However, your boys are still quite young and I think you’ll be quite surprised how well they will cope,

I know exactly how you’re feeling coming from a quite unhappy childhood myself. I think we become a little overprotective with our children which I feel is lovely purely because we don’t want them to have any of the unhappiness that we had.

I feel you are an Outstanding Mum and I’m sure the way and how are you tell them will be perfect. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday together get refreshed and ready for your treatment ahead, which I wish you health and happiness going forward.

Please keep posting, letting us all know how you are feeling and getting on.

Lots of love Tili :pray::rainbow::pray::rainbow:

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You are an example of bravery to us all - a person who thinks of others as well and I truly believe that you have got this. Feeling privileged that you have reached out. You all deserve your (wonderful) holiday to give you space together to take things in.
I believe that children pick up when you are worried and are very relieved when they find you are prepared to talk to them in words that they can understand about your concern … I doubt I’ll ever forget how relieved our 4 year old granddaughter looked when I answered her brave question (and I told her bad lump etc). She’s a healthy, happy 6 year old now… wishing you all the best

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