Now I have my treatment plan (chemo after half term due to 2 lymph node involvement - onc agreed a couple of weeks delay was ok so we could go on holiday) we’re going to tell our boys tomorrow. They know I had lumps removed in an operation 2 weeks ago but we’ve kept it low key so far.
I know what I’m going to say but I have this immense guilt of ruining their childhood. I waved them off to school today (12 & 14) and burst into tears as I thought this is the last day of their innocence 
. My alcoholic mother ruined my childhood and I vowed not to do the same with my children and yet here I am casting a shadow over their lives!
My youngest is autistic so I have no idea how he’ll react and my eldest is v v anxious + sadly we’ve known some people who have died of cancer and I worry he’s going to focus on that!!!
Not sure what I’m asking for but you lovely people always seem to make me feel better in this horror so any wise words, virtual hugs or experiences would be fab xx
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Ahh I feel for you. Its really tough. I didn’t have children when I went through treatment, but had loads of that age group around me. They were remarkably resilient and just focused on practical things. It didn’t stop us going out, doing things, being active. There were just odd days when we couldn’t. It really taught them alot as they have grown up understanding cancer outcomes can be very positive. I think once the initial shock is out of the way, explain there will be good days and bad days, then plan some fun things. It wont be a permanent shaddow, just a blip. Take care.
My kids were almost 15 and 17 when we told them and I worried about it just like everyone else does. None of us want to affect our kids in a negative way. But quite honestly it hasn’t been too bad for them even though I got chemo and many surgeries thanks to this little beast. My youngest who has an anxiety disorder cried when I told her and I immediately reiterated in a completely positive voice that I would be fine. Because quite honestly not saying that would make it worse in the present and if I wasn’t fine I doubt they’d blame me for lying later on. Both kids went off my tone moreso than what I was saying and ended up doing quite well after the news. In fact we bonded together beautifully and they really helped me when I needed it the most. Kids really do adjust as long as you don’t speak out your fears to them.
Hello Donna,
My heart goes out to you, I can remember this time so so well, my children are adults, this was one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced, in fact I told friends before tell them. However, your boys are still quite young and I think you’ll be quite surprised how well they will cope,
I know exactly how you’re feeling coming from a quite unhappy childhood myself. I think we become a little overprotective with our children which I feel is lovely purely because we don’t want them to have any of the unhappiness that we had.
I feel you are an Outstanding Mum and I’m sure the way and how are you tell them will be perfect. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday together get refreshed and ready for your treatment ahead, which I wish you health and happiness going forward.
Please keep posting, letting us all know how you are feeling and getting on.
Lots of love Tili 
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You are an example of bravery to us all - a person who thinks of others as well and I truly believe that you have got this. Feeling privileged that you have reached out. You all deserve your (wonderful) holiday to give you space together to take things in.
I believe that children pick up when you are worried and are very relieved when they find you are prepared to talk to them in words that they can understand about your concern … I doubt I’ll ever forget how relieved our 4 year old granddaughter looked when I answered her brave question (and I told her bad lump etc). She’s a healthy, happy 6 year old now… wishing you all the best
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Hi Donna @donna_51. Just scrolling and i must have missed this back in May, but wondered how your boys are doing? My kids are 9, 11 and 15. They know my chemo starts soon as 2 lymph nodes like you, but theyve no idea what it’ll be like. I’ve tried to drip feed them info. Please don’t think you’re ruining their childhood though…i think you are strengthening it. You are teaching them resilience, courage and compassion. You are also fighting hard to give them years more of you! I hope it’s going well…they will be fantastic caring young men for helping you through this xxx
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@bluesatsuma … how are you doing? I saw you were waiting for more results!!! Any further updates on chemo??
I did tell my boys obviously and they took it fairly well. They’ve adapted to life with chemo and mummy looking pretty grim with half bald head etc… if I’m up and generally joining in with family stuff (like watching the footie!) then they just think life is ok! Obviously I don’t discuss my darkest thoughts with them but if I’m tired or feeling emotional then they see it and they can often make me laugh through it (like shaving my head - they were sweet about it when I cried)
I do feel like a crap mum at times especially with the school holidays soon and no real plans as I have no idea how I’ll be - but I am trying to be kinder to myself and telling myself that this is a blip in life and my children will learn from this and realise that you can get through the tough times!
Let me know how you are!!! xx
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Ah good to hear Donna. Im ok…just waiting again. The results of the scan were NAD which i think means nothing abnormal detected? Anyway, waiting now for oncology and next steps which i assume means chemo first. I’m worried about how I’ll entertain kids through holiday, but the eldest will sort herself out mostly. Any tips for chemo with kids welcome this way! Hope youre feeling not too bad. Are you about halfway now? Xx
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@bluesatsuma … waiting waiting … arghhhh… but at least you’re going in the right direction. Fingers crossed you get your definite plan soon. I have had 2/8 treatments as my 2nd round was delayed, twice!! They’ve adjusted the dose so I’m hoping we’re back on schedule but 2024 just keeps on giving with more stress and upset!!!
Sooooo chemo… generally if you’re on a 2/3 week schedule, I’d plan for week 1 to be bleurgggh and the others to be ok. I describe weeks 2/3 like the Sunday night of a hangover. You feel much much better but don’t want to go out and go mad!! So plan things for those weeks but still take it easy and be kind to yourself.
As for kids… to be honest, I’ve stepped back even when I’ve been feeling ok. With a 14 and 12 year old, they have had to step up really. BUT I have pulled in lots of favours for the summer holidays for others to take them out with friends etc… now is not the time to be polite!!! I’ve learnt that people want to be useful so I’m using them and have told myself I will treat all these lovely people in 2025 when I’m back and fighting fit.
You’ll slip into a pattern and children just adapt to that. You’ll be good - but do make sure you have those days when you just want to curl up and cry and feel rubbish. Get the kids out of the house those days !!!
Keep us all updated on you xx
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Great advice thank you. I really appreciate it. Getting my eyebrows done at the weekend I think. I just want to get started…its been so long. I want to get on with it. Almost 8 months since diagnosis. Xxx
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I wrote a post in Feb, where I was absolutely gutted to tell my kids, beside myself, but honestly we are having a great summer, it barely touches the sides with them or so they are leading me to believe. My chemo is going so fast and I’m not that unwell. What’s really helped is a really great wig, so they are not reminded of it every time they see me. We are all getting on with our lives. I just have to go for treatment every 3 weeks but there at school so don’t even know when it is. Although I do remind them when the refuse to empty the dishwasher!!
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