We’ve waited until after xmas and new year to tell our 3 kids about my diagnosis. My youngest is 9, middle is 11 and eldest 15. How did people tell their children? I plan to tell them up front my treatment plan and be fully open about what I’m expecting. Dr is pretty confident that my lymph nodes arent involved so I won’t need chemo. My eldest is likely to take the news badly.
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Hello @bluesatsuma
It’s a tough one!
Speaking from personal experience we told our then 12 year old daughter that I had breast cancer and would need an operation and radiotherapy and she took it in her stride: the good news from her point of view was that I wouldn’t be working over the summer holiday so whilst I wouldn’t be at full strength we would still be able to do things together.
When telling anybody it’s hard to gauge what their reaction will be as you don’t necessarily know what their experience of cancer is: if one of your children knows a child in school whose parent has had cancer then chances are their reaction will be dictated by what happened to them.
Personally I’d be as honest as you can and explain in language they understand and that everybody’s cancer is different so just because someone they may know had one outcome that does not dictate your outcome. A friend of mine had children of similar ages to yours her eldest struggled mainly because my friends sister had sadly died of cancer so his understanding was greater, her youngest put on her doctors dressing up costume and promised to make her better.
Good luck with telling them and with your treatment. I think there is also some guidance on the main BCN website on how to talk to children
AM xxx
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I can’t speak from experience as mine are grown up and that was hard enough.
This might help
https://breastcancernow.org/about-breast-cancer/primary-breast-cancer/talking-with-children-about-breast-cancer/
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Hi @bluesatsuma
Deciding when and how much to tell your children about your diagnosis can be so difficult.
As @holly.52 mentioned, we have a page on our website dedicated to help you talk to your children about breast cancer. In addition, Macmillan have a lot of resources on this topic.
Our nurses are also here to chat on the helpline, if you’d like to talk it through on 0808 800 6000.
Sending our warmest,
Lucy
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Thank you all especially @adoptedmanc for your pearls of wisdom. We pla to chat to them tomorrow. We want them to know because operation day is soon and we want them to be prepared before school starts back next week.
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My two are 5 and 10 and working out what to say and when was the hardest thing about the whole diagnosis for me. We decided to be open about it all but because of the ages we decided to use the word ‘lump’ and ‘medicine’ instead of cancer and chemotherapy.
However my eldest is aware of cancer and we have spoken since about it being that and she had taken it well. They are more resilient than I expected and have adapted so well. If they have questions then I will honestly answer them and we regularly speak openly about appointments etc so that they know when I will be going to see doctors etc, I have found that especially with my eldest, she liked to be kept ‘in the loop’
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Thank you @Tabby-Lou for your advice. I had wondered about simplifying language too but i think my older 2 will need straight science. I might keep whole chat simple for my youngest though. Thanks
Hello again @bluesatsuma
You are very welcome, you should also let your children’s teachers know what is going on, this will ensure that if for any reason your children become distressed in school they can be alive to why this might be. There shouldn’t be any need to “advertise” what is going on but it is helpful for the schools to know. I would keep your children in school as much as possible but if they need a “mummy day” let them have one 
AM xxx
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Yes i had thought of that too. I am a teacher myself and recently had a parent comtact me regarding a cancer diagnosis. The child has told friends and news spread amongst parents. Not too keen on this happening.
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We had 3 children youngest child was 14 .
The two youngest were living at home ,we got them together.
My youngest got up and started looking in the fridge, we asked was he ok .
He no he wasn’t ,and was only going to take his head out of the fridge, when I said I wouldn’t die ,like my mum .
They all had a cry .
I was just so positive after that .
Good luck with your treatment stay strong.
You will be surprised how well they adapt.
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@lyndy61 we told them. Youngest didnt really understand. The older 2 seemed upset but okay. I am glad its out in the open. My daughter cried but she was ok.
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