Hi
i was diagnosed a few weeks ago with lobular breast cancer and got my treatment plan yesterday. I have told few people and tomorrow I need to tell my elderly parents, in their 80s and both with poor health. How the flip do I do that. I am dreading it and considered not telling them but whilst their health isn’t great they are both mentally sound. They would be hurt if others knew and they didn’t. How do I find the right words. I find it so hard to tell anyone anyway.
anyone any advice…
A
Hi Viewpoint, sorry you find yourself on here. Have you tried calling the number on here and speaking to a nurse, they might be able to guide you in how to tell your parents. It is such a personal thing and a conversation none of us ever imagined we would ever have to have, but then out of no where you are in that Bob sleigh going down the Olympic run after diagnosis, treatment plan, telling who you want to know, some taking it ok, others doing a beam me up Scottie, some treating you like a China doll while all the time trying to get your head round everything yourself. For me, I was in narnia mode, I told only family and close friends, told them it was going to be fine (obviously didn’t know if it was or still will be) but had overwhelming desire to protect them. Told them I was still me and to treat me like me, not look at me with head on one side with pity in their eyes, it can happen but for me I didn’t want that, I was still me. Your parents will be upset but they will want to protect you, i know when my grandparents had the news my auntie had cancer they were a rock for her, never letting her know how worried they were, they were a rock solid support all the way I am sorry if I’ve rambled, Just’s didn’t want to pass your post by and not try and help, others will pop on too to help Sending big 
Shi xx
Hi viewpoint
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the dilemma of whether to tell my frail 87 year old widowed mother who has had a very tough time (two family deaths last year), I really don’t want to add to her worries. I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and will have my treatment plan this week. My husband is a great help but neither of us have any family nearby, my mother and one sibling live 400 miles from me, my other sibling lives abroad. The question is whether to keep quiet and not tell them or to tell my siblings but not my mother? If I tell only my siblings I know for certain that they will keep it to themselves.
I was planning to visit my mother after restrictions eased next month (not seen her since December 2019 due to lockdowns) and surgery/chemotherapy will prevent any visits from me in the coming months.
Not only do we have the worry of our diagnosis to contend with but also the added worry and anxiety of the affects on other family members.
It’s not easy. I told my parents over a video call as I live abroad - was tough but so glad I did. They were devastated but have been great source of support.
I have children too so felt I couldn’t keep it all ‘quiet’ but hated burdening everyone BUT as they constantly reminded me, it wasn’t my fault and they wanted to be there for me. I would want to know if they were in same situation and that was the deciding factor to tell them.
I tried to keep to factual information about diagnosis and treatment plan rather than exposing my feelings. I got very good at talking about situation with them and my doctor as if I was talking about someone else… that helped me but we are all different.
I’m sure you will find the best way for you… trust your instinct…there’s no wrong way of doing things in this process… just the right way for you.
Good luck