I didn’t know where to post this so this will do!
Over the last year I have done the waiting, the mx, the chemo and now herceptin. I have, on occassion, been low, high, upset, bordering on manic but above all I have been very self centred for probably the first time in 35 years (the lenghth of my marriage).
Over the last few weeks I have asked my family and myself some questions and have reflected on the answers.
I would like to publicly thank them for putting up with the lows (which still happen), the moans, the misunderstandings and the patience love and understanding they have given me.
I thought my husband was revolted by the scars - turns out it upset him to see them and think what I had gone through, which is very different. I thought they didnt care when they left me to get meals etc, turns out they were worried that if they did all the things I normally did I would give in. Again very different - OH said at times it made him cry but he was waiting for me to ask as an indicator that I needed the help. Actually, he is right, if I hadnt felt I had to go on I would have become a victim.
So now I feel a bit guilty, I have slanged him off, moaned to friends and really only thought about how I felt.
I am going to say this, we have survived a lot over the years. This week we went to see a favourite band from the 70’s. I looked over at him and he was crying. Tonight I asked him why. He said because he was there with a woman he loved more with every obstacle, that the lyrics to the songs now meant more and that he had spent a year thinking he would lose me.
No what, I know why I fell for him in 1975!
Thank you Steve Q - you are my Atilla the Hun and I remain your Racquel Welch!
HI KahrenQ, recgonise myself in all that already and was only dx 17th May. Brave and lovely of you to write all that you should all be so proud of yourselves. Think OH s get forgotten about in some ways when bc hits us, and perhaps only looking back you see how amazing they are and family and friends. Hope you continue upwards and onwards , did me good to read it thankyou again x
Lovely words Kahren brought a tear to my eye. In sickness and in health; your words say it all xx
Lovely post Kahren, wishing you and your family all the best for the future. xxx
Made me cry too!! Lovely words and very brave to admit to.
Very Best Wishes to You Both xxxx
Oh Kahren
this made me cry as my OH has only today said He wants the woman back he married, feels he is losing me!, im trying so hard to find me again! Because of my highs and low moods I have lost some very close friends which has upset! Thank goodness my family has not given up on me!!
Norms xx
Oh Kahren
this made me cry as my OH has only today said He wants the woman back he married, feels he is losing me!, im trying so hard to find me again! Because of my highs and low moods I have lost some very close friends which has upset! Thank goodness my family has not given up on me!!
Norms xx
Kahren,
That is so lovely and already (only diagnosed in April) much of it sounds familiar. I don’t know what else to say except enjoy all your time with Steve Q.
Take care
Sam xx
Nottonericnott , all I would say is let him fall in love with the new you! This is not our first hurdle…probably our fourth or fifth. Each changes the dynamic.
My experience is I took my eye off the ball with how this affects others. It distorts how you feel. It has changed me but it has changed my significant others too and I love them more for it.
Friends prove their worth with their reactions…I lost some but I gained some too.
Just communicate - I didnt do enough of it so misinterpreted so much. He isnt losing you…he just needs to see how you are evolving.
Love to you all.
Such a lovely post KahrenQ.
It isn’t even a week yet since I was diagnosed but you’ve made me realise that I’ve been focusing on myself and haven’t really thought how the diagnosis has affected those close to me.
All the best to you and SteveQ for the future
Maggie x
This has made me cry too! My daughter has BC and today had a proper meltdown!! She has had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. Is now on Herceptin and Arimidex. Also having Zoladex but is seeing a gynaecologist on Monday re removal of ovaries. She has 2 children and they are her world. Says every night after they have gone to bed she is crying - thinking that she may not be here to see them grow up!
She has always had long hair and lost it all. It is growing back and she looks beautiful but doesn’t think so herself. Says every time she looks in the mirror it reminds her of why her hair is so short.
Today she flipped after someone said her hair looked nice. She is seeing a psychiatrist but says it isn’t helping, no-one can help, no-one knows what it’s like, no-one can take it away. Of course, at the hospital, she sees ladies who have had BC and now have ovarian cancer or it’s in their bones - she keeps thinking it will happen to her!
She hasn’t told me things because she doesn’t want to worry/upset me!!! I found out today that she has been having back pain and yesterday had tests for tumour markers and has to have scans! This has upset me more that I didn’t know what was going on.
How can I help her? How can I get through to her that I want to know what’s happening, I want to help.
I just want to take it all away