I can see from lots of the threads that lots of us are having awfully s**ty times with our OH. And I’m so sorry that some of our partners can be absolute insensitive b’s when we are going through all of this, I am not gloating but my hubby has been amazing and I can’t be the only one. So I thought maybe us lucky ones would like to say thank you and show not all OH are like that. Of course if no one posts maybe they are, but I hope I am proved right, don’t get me wrong he’s no saint and drives me mad and up the wall with some of the things he says and does, but most of the time he is amazing.
So thanks Martin and I love you very much. Xxxx
Hi blue dragonfly, mines no saint either, he has his faults & some things he does drives me insane but he is my rock & has been so supportive. He hates the thought of me having to go through all this. He’s taken a week off work next week when i have my op to look after me & has been to all the appts with me. I know next week that i won’t want for anything,they’ll be flowers waiting when i get home, he’ll cook all the dinners, clean the house etc. And all the time he’s trying to stay strong for me. OH’s are often forgotten about because the focus is on us, everyone asks how u are but no-one seems to ask them how they are & i think it can be so hard for them.
love Heather xx
My OH has been totally consistent, and I’m very comfortable with that. When he had his heart op he was not after sympathy and hugs, but welcomed the practical stuff I could do. So he’s been the same with me. That’s fine, I know what he’s like, and the fact that he’s not all over me with hugs and cuddles is totally in keeping with his personality, and with our relationship, and that’s fine by me. I brought him along to one of my appointments with my surgeon but he hasn’t been to any of the others, and he was absolutely brilliant at my first chemo, but I didn’t bring him along for any of the others, my own choice as well as his. And he let me go to ground after chemo and didn’t pester me, just leaving me in peace. I suppose it’s a bit different as we don’t live together, but it’s worked pretty well for me, and has stopped me just feeling sorry for myself.
So not everyone needs their OH to be running round after them, for me it’s knowing he’s there if and when I need to just have some company.
I agree we all have different relationships with our OH, but the fact he’s there with what you want and what your needs are makes him one of the good guys.
I agree, the fact that he’s there for u chocciemuffin is exactly what makes him a good guy. Everyone’s different aren’t they.It is personal choice for thngs like appts & they’ll be times when i don’t want or need my OH to come with me. I think he feels he needs to know what’s going on at the mo as it’s all new & he feels a bit useless, i’m sure he’ll get fed up before long,lol. And he’s quite a hands on person anyway who’ll cook etc so it’s not unusual which is a good job cos i’m a rubbish cook.Even though u don’t live together it sounds to me like u have a great relationship. xx
yes actually I have had a couple of pops on here about my OH when he kept doing what he has always done and gone away when I would prefer him to be here, or said a couple of tactless things. I was probably just feeling sorry for myself
In all honesty we have been married for 30 years, and he has never been a touchy feely “new man”, we have never tried to get iside each others minds and find out how we feel about things. And so I should not be surprised that at times lately he is not acting exactly in a manner that would completely make my day.
He has been just the same lovable guy that he has always been, lots have changed for him recently and he is not good at change, but than again he never was.
I did the cooking and shopping for the first 25 years of our marraige and now its his turn, so I am getting all the practical help I need anyway, nothings changed there.
When he wakes up i shall give him another big hug
Thanks for starting this thread, Blue Dragonfly.
When I was diagnosed (7 weeks ago) there was a thread about how rubbish people’s OHs were being and some couples had split up and were getting divorced. This terrified me as much as the whole cancer diagnosis, so it’s good to know that there are some great, supportive men out there! I was convinced that my husband would be upping sticks within weeks!
My husband (of only 1 and a half years! Although we’ve been together for 9 years) is absolutely fantastic. He’s working really hard (sole earner at the moment) but is my rock. He has been with me for every op, appointment and chemo treatment, has done extensive research on everything from the side effects of Tamoxifen to reconstruction choices. He talks to me, cries with me, cuddles me, and tells me that he loves me even more and that this whole experience is bringing us closer together and most importantly he TALKS to me - about his worries, hopes and what we’re going to do when (in his words!)/if (in mine) I get better. I will have to be breast free for a year (bilateral mastectomy) and he is also OK with that - just sees it as one step in the journey to getting me better and says he will love me even more then. He wont let me do the washing up (although does let me help out with the cooking!!) or cleaning so I’m feeling very spoiled. Early days though!! So will see how long that lasts!
So - any newbies out there - you have so much to worry about without worrying that your other half is not going to be supportive or leave you. You probably know how your OH is going to react anyway (ie if he’s a talker or a clammer-upper and if he’s a supportive chap or one who likes to stick his head in the sand - so you might have to deal with them in different ways) BUT please don’t let some of the threads on here worry you. It is really bl**dy unfair and horrible for ladies out there having to deal with this illness without any support from their partners. BUT it is not always the way.
There’s also the odd bloke who comes on here to voice his concerns, making it very clear how much they love and want to support and help their wife/girlfriend. I’m PMing one poor bloke who loves his wife so, so much and is terrified by the whole thing. He’s not going ANYWHERE!
THERE ARE LOTS OF GOOD BLOKES OUT THERE!!
Hi Ladies,
I put a thread up the other day to say a big thank you to my hubby for a surprise he had arranged for me for our wedding anniversary. He has been absolutely fantastic through all this. He is the typical silent type, in that he doesn’t like to endlessly discuss things but will be a strong arm to lean on when needed. He has been as worried and frightened as me through all this but has taken a deep interest in the subject and understands that on some days I am not capable of doing what I normally do. He can’t cook to save his life but would quite happily live on beans on toast if it meant I didn’t have to run around after him. He is not really well himself, in that he had diabetes, hypothyroidism and high bp. He just joked that I will have to get better so that I can take my turn looking after him when he needs it. Actually, that is what marriage is all about, give and take. It is so comforting to know that there is someone always in your corner, keeping you strong when you need it and a pair of arms around you when you need a hug.
I say ‘good on ya’ to all those OH’s that keep us all going.
Sue. xx
Hi all, I am three years away from diagnosis now, my husband is my rock, was with me at first exam at GP’s and every appointment,following. I had mastectomy, chemo and rads, I had 20 rads and he would be up at 3.45am for work and would come home, and then drive me the 20 miles each way each day for rads. Helped me decide which wig suited me etc. He is very attentive, I love him to bits, he is always there for me, and reading about others who do not have this support (very sad for them) makes us realise just how lucky we are, and how much we take for granted, I will give mine a hug too. Love to all junieliz
I’m another one with a wonderful OH. I am constantly amazed by how understanding he is, within his limits of how much a chap CAN understand. I know that he loves me unconditionally and although my baldness can still make me weepy, he tells me how beautiful I still look.
Unlike Sandy’s OH, he hasn’t been reading up on stuff, but he does listen to me when I talk about it. He’s a very busy man with a full-time job plus several hours every night spent running a home business but still is doing virtually all the dinners when I’m too tired, which is most nights. I’m sorting out the laundry, dishwashing and packing up for our house move and organising everything for that and TBH, that’s enough combined with chemo.
He goes to all my appts and his work let him have a day off for my 3-weekly chemo days but I go alone for weekly Tax cos he cannot have all that time off - he is teacher so the classes have to be covered for him and it’s a bridge too far. It’s not a big deal; a friend has offered to take me and fetch me but I’m happy to manage alone.
It’s his cancer as well as mine; we cry together and I know that it’s all very hard for him seeing me suffer and him feeling helpless.
My husband has been fantastic, just absolutely fantastic, a total rock who I love very much and don’t know how I would cope without him.
Great idea for a thread. My husband is not perfect, but who is? throughout this though he has been fantastic. When I was going to the breast clinic, it was at a hospital I didn’t know, so he took me the weekend before to suss out the route (one less thing for me to worry about). I wasn’t worried as my GP had said she thought the lump was compacted tissue. It turned out to be BC and I had to phone hubby at work. He is much better than me in reaching out for the support he needs and his colleagues have helped him through. His mum died 9 days after my initial dx, so it was a horrible time all round for him.
He has held me when I’ve cried and organised treats for me (e.g. weekend and show in London). He did most of the cooking and shopping while I was having chemo and even shopped for and cooked Christmas dinner for my parents. He says he doesn’t notice I have only one boob -he just sees his lovely wife. He came into the chemo suite to collect me after my final chemo withone of those foil helium balloons with I love you on it.
Im so glad that there are wonderful OH out there. I was upset to see how many men were behaving badly, which I could not comprehend when their partner is going through this awful disease, but I also thought there was a lot of men bashing which I thought was unfair too. I to was scared when I was first diagnosed that it would affect my marriage after reading some post, which in hind sight was really stupid and I know I should of know better, but that was the fear taking over. And so many men post asking for advice on how to support their partner which I find amazing. But I also hoped that if men who have bc wanted to thank their partner for being there. Also the gay ladies their partners too, which is why I did title it “our men”. Thank you for restoring my faith that relationships can get through this and become stronger. Xxx
Lovely thread - my hubby has been pretty great throughout, always there and makes sure that he still loves me just the same. We have been married 35 years after meeting as teenagers, so we should know each other pretty well! He has been to important meetings with my like the first formal dx meeting with the surgeon and the first meeting with the oncologist, but like some others I am more comfortable on my own for treatments etc.
But although I am at home, he still picks up the bulk of the housework, however busy his day has been, although the cooking didn’t last long! He has also had to actually focus his mind on setting up a new business through this - I think it brought home the reality that I just might not be the main breadwinner for ever now.
He has admitted to getting angry with the whole thing at times (the worry and the disruption to our lives really)- he was very moody last weekend and wouldn’t tell me why for a few days, but I get angry and fed up with it too, so why shouldn’t he?
Ninja’s words:
“It’s his cancer as well as mine; we cry together and I know that it’s all very hard for him seeing me suffer and him feeling helpless”
Rings very true for us too.
Someone else who has been lucky to have a wonderfully supportive OH. My husband has been just brilliant right from the very start and through all my darkest moments. One on occasion he even saved my life! I really don’t know what I would do without him and I am *hugely* grateful to have him.
Nymeria x
My OH has been nothing short of wonderful throughout my time of diagnosis, treatment and beyond. He’s been so calm and supportive and took me back and forth to hospital endlessly during treatment using up his entire annual leave entitlement on my appointments, emergencies etc.
When my mx wound reopened, gapingly, he did the dressing for me prior to me having surgery to repair. I could go on and on listing what he’s done.
One of the best things is that when I decided to change my diet quite radically, he did the same without any asking or expectation on my part.
Most of all though I appreciate the emotional support he’s given me. Allowing me to cry and always being there to comfort me, calm me when I get anxious and no qualms at looking me now - breastless with two long mx scars.
Elinda x
Hi everyone.
First of all thanks to Blue dragonfly for starting this thread. It’s so good to read about supportive OH’s. Great for them too to know that they are appreciated and loved.
Love and strength to you and all you OH’s
Jan xxxx
Fab idea for a thread.
My husband has also been fantastic throughout. He has been at every appointment and we’ve got through it together by laughing and joking about everything. I was so worried when I had a mastectomy that he would think I looked weird and non attractive but he genuinely doesn’t seem to care.
I’m rubbish with words so can’t explain just how amazing he has been but I am so grateful to him and my two young boys for taking in their stride and carrying on as normal as much as possible.
Hurrah for our lovely families!
Take care everyone
Rachel
x
My partner too has been a real gem. She has taken me to all appointments and treatment and, most impressively, has coped really well when i’ve gone into floods of tears or got grumpy. She has done all this whilst work stuff has been horrendous for her. Equally she has quietly left me alone when i’ve wanted that and made me laugh when that was helpful.
Yes my OH has been wonderful too been with me every step of the way he even comes right through from the main waiting room to sit outside Rads room while im having treatment