Thanks &here is our situation
Thanks &here is our situation Hi
Thanks a lot for your responses, I am so grateful. I found a US site before this one & have asked the same so bear with me if you see this elsewhere.
Cancer is something that you think will never happen to you but given both of our backgrounds we should not be surprised although breast cancer doesn’t figure in our families. We are both 49.
Debbie, my wife has just been diagnosed with a tumor. It is about 5cm in diameter and we will know the outcome of all the tests on Wednesday next week. She had a needle biopsy at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge (anyone know how good they are?). She is very active and fit so it was somewhat unexpected.
The main worry is the size of the tumor and we think it has appeared quickly - maybe over a 6 week period but we are not sure. I think that I would have surely noticed (??) it before. We just don’t know what to expect and are inevitably thinking the worst.
I have not come here for support for myself I just need to understand what will be said at the appointment on Wednesday & have a lot of research to do in the meantime.
My own future is simple really. If need be we will sell everything to throw at the disease because if she is not here then I won’t want to be anyway. We have a closeness like you very rarely see in relationships and it has been that way since we first met 22 years ago. She is my entire reason for living, nothing else comes close.
Thanks for listening.
Cheers, Ron
hi ron Hi Ron,
When my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year i remember how totally overwhelming it all felt, mum was mis diagnosed at first, but i soon realised that torturing myself as to ‘what if’ they’d got it rite first time was pointless, so please dont (and i know its easy to say) agonise that u should have noticed sooner.
After my mums biopsy she went thru all the tests/ scans and i understand what a horrible experience the waiting is, once she had all the results her specialist told her the stage of her illness and what treatment she would recieve, her treatment started a few days later.
At first it does seem to much to handle but u will be amazed how resiliant you will be and thinking the worst does change to hope.
Your wife is so very lucky to have such a caring husband. I dont know if this has been any help, but i wish u both all the best and am thinking of you both.
tiny.
Hi Hi Ron, i cant help you that much only to say my mum had her radiotherapy at Addenbrooks and she was looked after excellently there with no complaints whatsoever.
This is THE most awful time, waiting for results etc its just a nightmare and the most frightening things go through your mind, you say you are going to do some research, i read a good piece of advice on here a while back and it said “don’t take any notice of any infomation over a year old” things progress and get better all the time so anything over a year will be out of date and will probably worry you when it needn’t.
Im sure there will be other people who can help you more than i have with regards to the results of Debbies tests ect, please let us know how you get on.
Fingers crossed for good news, Mel
Hi Ron
Debbie is lucky to have such a kind and loving partner. It is such a shock when this happens and the waiting is the worst because you have no idea what you are dealing with.
I understand that you want to research as much as possible prior to the appointment but remember the US info may not always be relevant to the treatment that Debbie will get in the UK. and this site plus www.breastcancercare.org.uk/ are really good at giving you clear cut non biased info.
My guess is that the consultant and nurse will anticipate most of your questions and hopefully give you as much info as they can, but when i had my biopsy done it just confirmed that the tumour was a type of cancer (they did get the type of cancer wrong however)and not the grade or if there was any lymph involvement - it was only after surgery that this info was available. to me whether this was the case for others i can’t say.
As for cost, Ron inspite what you read in the papers most treatments are now available in all health authorities thanks to the brave women on this site and others who have fought for the right for treatment.
I hope you feel able to let us know how it goes on Wed.
all my best wishes
Norah
So sorry you’ve had this landed on you both.
Just to make it easier to know what to ask, this link leads to a list of questions - keeping in mind it is American, so financial questions aren’t relevant. It is helpful to formulate something when going to see consultants. In the meantime, I do hope the news is not what you are fearing.
Support Hi Ron
So sorry to hear about the bad news regarding your wife. You seem such a very close couple and your strength and love will see her through whatever treatment she may have to undergo. I think knowledge is power, so I would suggest that you go with her to every appointment (time permitting) and if necessary take notes and ask questions. We as patients, are often so overwhelmed, that we forget to ask the right questions. It might also help to take a written list of questions with you. She will probably also have access to a Breast Care Nurse, and these nurses are brilliant in putting all these medical terms into ‘English’, if you see what I mean. This site has numerous booklets available (on line), so do as much research as you can - but don’t get too frightened, every case is different and everyone reacts differently, so bear that in mind.
In the meantime, the very very best of luck with next Wednesday’s appointment.
Thinking of you.
Birgit
Thanks for your replies, help and support Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies, it makes me feel so humble and helpless in equal measures.
Debbie has had a needle biopsy and has been told (at the time of the biopsy, before the results) that it is a tumor and will have to be removed. We were under the impression that it is cancer, probably because of ignorance more than anything, i.e. tumor = cancer.
The internet is a wonderful resource but the other side is that it can feed your nightmares and that is the reason I posted here. Trawling the internet scared Debbie half to death along with yours truly and trying to find a site talking in plain English was nigh on impossible. This place is great but I also found it in itself reducing me to tears reading about all the brave ladies here…
I will be in touch over the next few days and once again thank you all so much.
Cheers, Ron
Helpline Hi Ron
Thanks for posting, obviously you are worried about your wife.
Please feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.
Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse.
The team is able to talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer and breast health
The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
Kind regards
On-line Host
Breast cancer care
Hi Ron,
Thought i would share my experience. I was diagnosed on Jan at age 40. My tumour was 4cm in diameter. I was given 4 doses of FEC which shrunk the lump and my brilliant surgeon was able to remove it and some lymph nodes without the need for a mastectomy. I then had another 4 doses of Taxotere and 5 weeks of radiotherapy.
My partner was really supportive throughtout and still is, even when i am having an off day.
Just remember to keep your spirits up and that we are all thinking of you both.
Elaine
Nurses Hi Ron,
With regards to what u were saying about finding info over the net, My mums doctor offered her a macmillain nurse to come round and see her during her illness. The nuses are amazing and they pop around when ever you need them to help with any fears or concerns you both have.
My mums nurse was with her through the duration of her illness, so u do get to know them well and make you feel very much at ease. She was at the end of the phone whenever mum needed anything, even a chat to boost her spirits. Its not intrusive at all and its something to think about, our nurse was such a calming influence in such a difficult situation and a great help to mum and us.
Hope this might help.
Tiny
Peer Support Hi Ron
You may like to know that Breast Cancer Care have a peer support group.
Our partner volunteers know what it’s like to be close to someone who has breast cancer and can offer support on the issues raised by a diagnosis. See the link below.
breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=4438
Kind Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
You’re not alone… Hello Ron,
Well, sorry that you had to join the club that no one wants to be in.
I fully sympathasise with your situation as my girl was disagnosed this last May at the age of 31. It came just as we were trying to start a family and was devastating. At first we were given a bad prognosis, terms like “if you survive” just left us dumbstruck and numb.
I did the “man” thing and hunted the internet for as much information as possible. All I succeeded in doing was scaring myself. My girl didn’t want to know anything as things were bad enough for her. I too was prepared to sell everything and do whatever was necessary to fight this battle. However, in this country we have (in my opinion) an absolutely fantastic National Health Service that I think is beyond compare. I have relatives in America who told me that insurances there would only cover part of the treatment then you have to start selling things until you can no longer aford treatment. In this country everything you need is there for anyone who needs it. I believe that we are fortunate to be here with so many resources available. This of course is only my opinion and is based on my experiences.
The worst points were when we were waiting for results and the days before an appointment as it is the fear of the unknown that gets you.
Once we received information at each stage, we came away feeling better than before.
As time has shown us, the initial diagnosis was not as bad as we feared. However, we are now post-chemo and are now starting to get our lives back. Unfortunately my girl has to have more surgery next year, although this is preventative as she is in such a high risk category.
The one thing that I now know is that everyone is different. How everyone reacts is different. There is no hard and fast rule to this. Therefore, by reading the horror stories and statistics, you can make the worry and anxienty worse for yourself.
A weird opinion. This may be refuted by others, and again this is only based on our experiences. This year has brought us much closer together. We have always been a very close couple, but we have found new depths to our relationship. We, and especially I have completely re-prioritised my life. No longer do I worry about the insignificant things, nor do I tolerate people as much as I used to. It has brought about some positive, although unexpected changes.
I hope that everything goes as well as possible for you both. It is not an easy time, but fight it as a team and the journey shall be smoother.
Take care of yourselves.
Hubby.
Tomorrow is the say Well here I am again doing a bit more searching so as I can ask the right questions tomorrow. Sitting here now reading through the site and I find myself struggling to breathe just thinking of what may be.
I am wanting (but not expecting) a benign diagnosis like I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life and believe me I have wanted a hell of a lot. I think it is more of a problem because the outcome is out of our hands.
I will let you know what happens and thanks once again for your support.
Cheers, Ron