I’ve never posted on here before but since my mum was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer over a year ago I have read your posts almost daily.They have helped us ask relevant questions and comforted us when things seemed bleak.
Unfortunately mums cancer recurred within 6 weeks of finishing treatment this time with skin mets.However she soldiered on with chemo,working full time,being an active mum and even more active nana.
She never accepted or embraced the disease,flinched when people asked how she was and was rude when people intruded with their questions! We would laugh at how similar she seemed to be to JaneRA…she too did not accept she was brave, she would not have chosen this path and had no choice but to follow it.Your blog Jane has discussed and questioned all the things mum thought about, you have the most amazing gift with words.
Mum hurt her back after Christmas,developed a pulmonary embolism and spent 2 days in hospital,then went home for a few days.Last Monday we took her back to hospital as her breathing was a little worse.She was ok there,became a little sleepy Wednesday then died Thursday morning.
We are all devastated especially as her death has been referred to the coroner and they still haven’t done the post mortem.The end of next week looks likely for the funeral, 2weeks after her death!
Cancer is dreadful,frightening and unfair, but you have the most amazing community and give help to many more people than you realise. Keep fighting and thankyou.
I’m really sorry to hear about your Mum sadnet. My Mum died last Spring, we didn’t know she had advanced ovarian cancer until a few days before her death. The docs thought she too had a pulmonary embolism, no post mortem though. I’ve had a pulmonary embolism as well, on diagnosis, it was only spotted by a scan I had at the time…I had no symptoms. I’m so sorry you’ve now had this delay in your Mum’s funeral. I found it was after all the funeral arrangements and sorting out of Mum’s things that it really hit me…now things are a little easier but sadness can overwhelm me at times. Take Care of Yourself. My very best wishes…x.x.x P.S. I think Jane’s blog is helping lots of people too.
So sorry to hear about your Mum, sadnet - she certainly sounds like a feisty lady - lots of love to you and your family
Hi Sadnet
Am really sorry to hear about your Mum. I just hope you can find some comfort in the fact that she is now at peace and not having to fight any longer.
Sending you lots of love and condolences to you and your family.
Dawn
xxxx
Hi sadnet
I am really touched to read your post. I’m so sorry your mum has died…and it is going to be hard for you waiting for the post mortem.
I’m so pleased that something in my blog spoke to your mum and helped her. I don’t know whether we were similar or not but I do know that I hope for myself that I die quickly and peacefully as your mum has. Hard hard for those left behind, but I think for some its a comfort after the psychological agony of living with worsening disease.
very very best wishes
Jane
Hi sadnet
First - I am sorry your mum is gone.
your post has really touched me too, I really can empathise with what you have written
"She never accepted or embraced the disease,flinched when people asked how she was and was rude when people intruded with their questions! "
i think that sums up how alot of us feel and its really clear that you and your mum were very close that you saw that and understood that,
Cathyx
Sadnet,
so very sorry to hear your mums story and wish to send you and her family my condolences. This disease is what binds us all together, we laugh and cry together and always try to help when one of needs it. So very glad you and your mum found comfort from the forum.
Love Debsxxx
Thank you all for your replies. We are comforted by the fact the end was so quick,as we are realitic enough to know we would be dealing with this sooner rather than later. We are not sure how peaceful the end was as she was found wondering and confused in the ward next door immediately prior to her death,which was out of character and not something I can think about yet.
We are also comforted by the fact mum always said she had 25 extra years as she was treated for advanced cervical cancer when I was 11.
This snow is driving me mad as it means my 4 children have been off school for 2 days,while they are a wonderful distraction,I haven’t had a minute to stop and think!Also it has delayed the work of the coroner and caused a back log of funerals.
I wish you you all well with your future treatments and decisions.
You are all in my thoughts and I thank you again for the knowledge,hope and at times laughs you gave us.(mum particularly liked the secondaries have made me gormless,especially when you were told off for being insensitive about money!!)
Hello again…I don’t know if this might help explain anything but when my Mum died there were a couple of things which happened just before which stayed on my mind and for a while I went into all sorts of websites trying to find answers. I didn’t get all my answers but I do remember reading some people have an urge to get up and walk around just before they die. Even if someone has been bedridden and weak they might suddenly get out of bed and say they are going somewhere or other. It’s like a last burst of energy. A good friend of mine was also very restless and tried to get out of bed just before she died.
Take Care, Belinda…x
PS…it’s nice to know our ticking off made your Mum smile! 
Hi it’s me again. We’ve had the results of the post mortem and the cause of death is disseminated breast cancer.I have looked on the internet to find info about this but it all seems quite wordy and too much for my brain at the moment,I was wondering if any of you had any more of an idea about this.
It also showed there was no pulmonary embolism so the treatment mum had for that was uneccessary and just caused her skin mets to bleed a huge amount and cause awful pain…ok if it’s doing some good.I asked 2 different Drs if it could be mets and they said no without investigating this.I accept mums death probably could not have been prevented but I feel their misdiagnosis caused her suffering.They also did not attempt CPR which was not discussed with her or us during her admission and my understanding was that they should attempt it if they are unsure of the patients wishes or cause of cardiac arrest.I am almost certain mum would not have wanted CPR but I feel an assumption was made about her and her quality of life.Just because she had breast cancer doesn’t mean she didn’t have an active worthwhile life.
I am aware I am ranting a bit but I am seriously considering making a complaint what do you think.I just want them to understand that everyone is different and should be treated so.
I would be grateful for any advice,thanks a lot.
Hi there
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I lost my Mum many years ago and hardly a day goes by without thinking of her. I understand your concerns about her treatment in hospital especially if you are wondering if anything further could have been done. I was in a similar position when my Mum died. I had a lot of questions that needed answering so I wrote them all down and sent them to the Chief Executive of the hospital. I think the Patient Liaison Service may be the people to deal with now. I finally got the answers I needed and I decided not to make an official complaint. You clearly need more information as to why they decided not to ressucitate. It may be they discussed it with your mother or it may be they decided that she was just too poorly and she wouldn’t have survived afterwards. Whatever the reason you have a right to know. Disseminated breast cancer means it was that it was widespread. If it was me, I would first of all write down everything you need the answers to and take it from there.
Hi Sadnet,
Firstly, on behalf of the moderation team here at BCC, please accept our sincere condolences on the loss of your mum.
BCC are still here to help you, and you are more than welcome to phone the helpline where you can discus the questions you have, and hopefully get a clearer understanding of the postmortem results. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 600.
Hope this helps. Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi sadnet
So very sorry that you’re so upset by the post mortem results.
I think toothfairy’s post is excellent advice…you need more information before deciding whether to make an official complaint.
It’s very hard when you are grieving and your mum’s death is so fresh in your mind to cope with wondering if the hopsital acted in the best possible way. Try not to let your worries about this get in the way of planning her funeral and saying goodbye to her in the way you most want. You can take up a complaint later if you need to.
best wishes
Jane
Hi Sadnet my Mum was told 2 days before she died that if she was to worsen over the weekend she would not be resuscitated. My sister was with my Mum at the time and was in shock, I think, so didn’t question anything. At that point the plan was for my Mum to go home, get some strength back and start chemo. It didn’t help that because of the noro virus patients were not really meant to have any visitors. My sister wrote to the docs and consultants via Pals after Mum died but we never got any clear answers although they did admit they got one of the causes of death on the death certificate wrong.
I’m not convinced the docs really knew the causes themselves. Although my Mum was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer there were other complications caused by the cancer. My Mum was still being given antibiotics when I was told she was dying of multiple organ failure. I shall never understand why she was being given antibiotics at that stage. In the end we decided we had to draw a line under things as whatever the final cause we couldn’t bring our Mum back.
Thinking of you…xx