So sad to read your message and sending you such loving and warm hugs. I can’t imagine how you feel, you are brave (even if you don’t feel it) and loved 
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Hi Gillmary.
I don’t think anyone ( without BC ) (secondary) understands. Life goes on.
Feel very sorry for myself and isolated.
After the knee jerk reaction people move on . Plan holidays, family celebrations, Easter Christmas… all those things we all take for granted. I bought new clothes last week and took them all back.( Will l need them ?.) My hospice very supportive. Clatterbridge Hospital not getting back to me . I have extreme anxiety about my illness. I want control over it. I’m worried constantly about SPINAL CORD COMPRESSION…
Been a difficult couple of weeks. Pain got worse so been stuck in bed alot.
I think of everyone. I hope you have support at home Gillmary…lm married but on my own it lots of ways. I was ending the marriage before l became ill.
Sending love, prayers and peace 
xxxxxxx
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What medication are you in senga66?
I just started gabapentin to take with Hydromorphone. No relief yet.
Very depressed with it all.
How do people do it ?
I don’t want to lose dignity. I’m quite vain.
I like my lipstick 
and perfume and hair done.
There’s no dignity in death
It’s all l can think about.
Sending love to everyone.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi, I’m sending my heartfelt support and love. I don’t know what your situation is, or where you are but complementary therapies could well help. A reflexology hand massage or some aromatherapy? Talking to someone of your faith as well. Xx💗
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Thankyou Bellas
It bone mets in spine ribs sternum and lungs now…
I’m 66. So had my life.
Still terrified though. Tired… upset
I’m sensitive to medication.
I wish you well and happiness and peace.
Thank God for this forum…it a life line.
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Hi, I’m Angie, Bella was my beautiful tortoiseshell cat! If you’d like to chat or have some company at any time, please just send me a message.
To give you my background, I had breast cancer last year, which is why I’m on here, but I’m alright now. I have a chronic blood cancer as well, diagnosed 2016. It comes and goes, my hbg and platelets sometimes drop too low, usually quite suddenly and in I go to hospital for a transfusion and IV drugs.
In Dec 2022 I was in Addenbrookes for an op as they found a tumour in my brain. It wasn’t cancer but a rare fungal abscess. On strong drugs for 6 months after but I’m okay.
If you feel you need a chat, I’m here, although I’m not always brilliant at messaging on my phone. I’m a history volunteer in my small town, nothing medical tho. A Xx
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The little things do matter don’t they? My hair is a mess if I don’t wash and floof with it for half an hour every couple of days and although I’m in a good place now, I know I’ll be very frustrated when I can’t make it look nice! I think it’s loving ourselves and that’s a good thing:) I’m just on the usual first line treatment for bone mets - letrozole, palbociclib and denosumab injections every 3 months. Was it the palbo that you couldn’t get on with? I had a few months when I wondered if I would be able to tolerate it (lots of mouth ulcers and low white blood cell problems) but I’m ok now on a lower dose. I was just on paracodol for the pain but don’t need that anymore as the pain from the cancer has pretty much gone. My arthritis on the other hand is so much worse - I think the letrozole is responsible for that. I’m hoping your team find something that works for your pain xx
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I tried everything senga.
I just want to get a couple of months of my pension ( my daughter needs the money)
I don’t want carers in . I don’t want people coming in looking after me.
I’ve always been independent.
Id rather be dead than have all that ( sincere apologies if l offend anyone).
I’m sending love to you all very brave dignified women)
Love Shaw xxxx
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I’m so sorry and sad reading this. I do hope you live the rest of your life in less pain and as comfortable as possible. May I ask why you are unable to take chemo tablets and did they offer you the chemo they put in the arm. ( sorry don’t know the name of it )
Take care x
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Hi Carol l declined chemo iv
The tabs made me sick.
Just need to plod on a couple of months
I’m sending you love xx
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Sending you lots of positive thoughts. X
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To all you wonderful people.
If anyone is interested a fabulous charity called Penny Brohn based just outside of Bristol have a lot of online support for the whole of the UK as well as wellbeing days and retreats. They also have an online advanced connect group supported by a trained counsellor running every two weeks. If you are interested in meeting up with others who have also had a secondary diagnosis ( note it’s not breast cancer specific charity it covers all cancers). I have personally benefited from their Connect group for those with primary cancer.
If you click Penny Brohn in pink it will send you to the booking page for Connect\Advanced Connect.
You can also click in the top left 2 lines and find full session calendar for more online and in person activities.
I hope this helps.
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So sorry that you are in this place, i am also diagsosed one month ago with spread in liver and pelvis, hang on to your cat , animals give us inmense positive energy, i often think now on the end but i am strongly convinced that our consciousness will live beyond our body and we are all connected by love. I send you all my love today even i am from Spain and we are far away , please feel it.
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Ahhhh thankyou so much. I hope you’re not in pain.
Sending love to you and wishing you the very best xxx
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We lost our precious cat last year after a few months of illness. I looked into his eyes at the end and he was so serene and looked filled with love and peace. I believe it is the same for us. Sending you love and healing xxx
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Virtual hugs and sending prayers for you.
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Hi Shaw
Your post ‘chimed’ with me, as I am in the position of having been told the end will/may be in six months, so like you, I’m waiting and wondering what it will be like? I have secondary breast cancer in the lungs (but no where else (yet?). Not on any treatment now, and was signed off at the cancer treatment centre and contacted yesterday by the community nurse team.
It’s a very weird place to be in…this waiting and not knowing how the end is going to be. A blank and frightening space between now and then. Sometimes the loss to myself is hard to bear, and then sometimes knowledge of the loss (of myself) to those I love and who love me) is even harder.
I’m not suffering too badly, physically, at present…only breathlessness and tightness in my chest, for which I am now on (to start with) a small dose of Oramorph, three times a day. This has helped a lot to calm me down and help me sleep. I don’t know whether I will have physical pain, or just be in a situation where it is harder to breathe, and then be on so much morphine and painkillers that I will not know much about it. I am getting more and more fatigued…I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome so that has been a part of my life anyway for the last twenty five years…but I am so much more tired now.
I have a dog who I love (of course, as you do with your cat) was very concerned about, but luckily my brother will take him so I know he will be looked after, but the hard part is not knowing when to give him up…he’s such a comfort to me…but I certainly won’t be able to cope with him as I get worse.
Are you in contact with community nurses? I felt much better when they contacted me, and we will meet soon to talk more about this ‘blank time’ and what will happen in the future re support and hospice etc.
So… I just wanted to say thank you for your post, which has given me a feeling of connection (and thereby support also), as not many posts about the time between now and then, when treatment ends (or in my case, never started), appear on these forums. I feel I’m going to be following in your footsteps very soon, but whilst I am following, I hope it helps you to know that, in thinking of you, I will also be walking ‘by your side’ in our struggles. And by the side of everyone else in our position.
Sending many virtual hugs.
Lulu.
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Firstly virtual hugs 
xx
Secondly i hope you have a caring GP and sources of support but if not then please reach out to ask for it via your GP or community nurses
Your darling cat will be ok and if there isn’t anyone close to you to have them then please call the blue cross or cat trust to make arrangements
I hope 
that you get what you need xx
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This is such an important thread and, for what it’s worth, I am with all of you brave, dignified ladies in spirit and do actually keep you in my thoughts. Having been a carer for my husband who was afflicted by MND and then for my mother who declined slowly through dementia, both conditions being incurable, I have some sense of what you are living with. All I would say is, as someone left behind to deal with the loss, leave nothing unsaid and encourage your loved ones to leave nothing unsaid - it is a regret I live with daily.
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I’m so sorry for your lovely cat
Heart breaking 
You must be lost without him/ her
Sending love. I feel sad. My cat is my life.
Xxxxxxx