The final straw

Public Archive
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I need to rant I’m afraid. I am so angry. And yet also incredibly upset too. I haven’t cried for months but, after an incident at work this evening, I have just been left shaking with tears - out of anger, fear and probably also a bit of self-pity.

Despite being well qualified, with lots of experience, I have always felt undervalued in my current job. There was some compensation a few years ago when my employers went through a job matching exercise - to ensure equal pay for equal work - and I was awarded a significant upgrade. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed shortly afterwards and my line manager, who had argued for my equal pay, had to take early maternity leave, during which time there was a restructure; since returning, despite being on an equal grade I have felt very much like the junior.

I’ve tried really hard to just let it wash over me but today, having recently been diagnosed with a recurrence (hopefully, local), I just got really angry (and then upset) when I was expected to have ordered photocopier tuner and ensured that we had enough stationery.

As much as I know, or should know, just how unimportant work is in the scheme of things, precisely because I would rather be spending my time doing something more enjoyable, I desperately need to feel as if my work is valued, and that I am made to feel that it is valued. And paranoid as I know I am, I know too that it is not just my paranoia. I am slightly comforted that I am covered by the DDA but am concerned that there is an intention to force me out of my job by making me feel as worthless as possible. I would be tempted to try and have a conversation with my manager about how I feel but I fear that it would make no difference whatsoever and only make the situation worse. My strategy instead is to continue to stay there as long as I need to; hope that more senior management take further structural action that recognizes the centrality of the work that I do (I know that it is a organizational priority); and ensure that I take whatever sick leave I need to recover (I will be having raditotherapy this time and probably also an oopherectomy afterwards); and make it quite clear that I am covered under the DDA!

Sorry, I know I have ranted, and probably not made any sense at all, but I just had to write something down! Especially when I broke down in front of my OH when I got home and he excused the way in which I was spoken to my boss by saying she was probably stressed - as if somehow I couldn’t possibly be!

Enough.

I’ve had a cry and feel so much better for having had a rant. And have now poured myself a small glass of tipple, which has helped the most!

Thank you for listening to me!

Naz, x

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Just to let you know Naz that someone is listening :). I feel so sad for you that you have needed to do this. People can be so unkind and hurtful and a gentle word means so much to us when we are going though all this crap. It sounds like there are a few issues at work that are making it a difficult place to be right now for you - so make sure you take every minute you are entitled to. Do no favours for anyone! It’s good you felt you could come here and let it all out. Sending a hug :slight_smile:

Dawn
xx

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Oh, thank you, Dawn, you are right, I should take advantage of whatever time I am advised to take. It really does - or, at least, should - toughen you up this disease, at the same time as it also knocks your confidence and sends you sprialling downwards out of control!

Its good to know that someone is listening - than you so much for replying.

I just need to move on (to the next drink perhaps!).

thank you. x

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Dear Naz,

You’ve made complete sense and I’m not surprized you are upset and angry! Please do come and have a rant whenever you need one!

You are obviously an intelligent woman and you know you are covered by DDA so as Dawn says take what time you need, not just for the physical but for the mental and emotional aspects of this awful disease and treatments.

I hope you’re treatment goes well when it starts. At the moment I hope your tipple is doing it’s job! Hope you are feeling a bit better now, don’t let the *!*!*** get you down, blow them - look after yourself!

Hugs, Julie xx

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Hi Naz, so sorry ur having all this rubbish at work, u have enough on ur plate without all that things will get on top of u at times. I know what u mean about wanting to feel valued & it’s completely understandable. Glad u came on here though, at least we’re listening, now go & pour yourself that drink,lol. Sending a big cyber ((hug))your way x

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You are right to be vigilant Naz. Workplaces can try to treat you like sh*t, but as you say, you are covered by the new Equalities Act (which has replaced the DDA) and also if you were to find yourself feeling forced to leave you could also go for Constructive Dismissal. I would suggest that you keep a written record of any incidents/events as it might be useful one day. And don’t let the b****rs get you down. You don’t deserve this cr*p on top of everything else. Lots of hugs. Take care,Mo xx

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Oh, thanks, guys, its so good to know that I can always rely on support from you here.

The morning after and, apart from feeling exhausted by the tears and the emotional rollercoaster, I’m feeling embarrassed - I almost stormed out of the office yesterday! I also realise how bitter I sound. I just struggle to accept that at 40 I appear to have been relegated to the scrap yard! I’ve not made any significant difference to anyone’s life, I am childless and am unlikely to reach retirement age - but that’s no-one’s fault, least of all the people with whom I work. Of course, I do also need to look out for myself - there’s a lot of devious and underhanded people at work - but I have to really make sure that I don’t only see the ugly side of people (including myself).

So, today I shall turn up, do my job and leave and look forward to a weekend break camping in cornwall before my visit to the oncologist next week to discuss my treatment plan. And in the meantime, treat myself to a glass or two to help me get through it!

Thank you very much again. x

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Naz,

You are certainly right that there devious and underhand people at work. I know exactly where you are coming from! I sent a text to my boss to say how I’d got on in my wle, only to be asked “when do you get your results from today?” (there was nothing else in his text!). I fired a short broadshot across the bows - telling him politely when it was & that I’ll need chemo. I’ve not heard a peep since from him although “his favoured squeeze” asked me the same question and got the same reply!

Needless to say …I’m in no rush to get back!!

Have a great weekend and enjoy your tipple - you deserve it!

Ax

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Hi work not what it used to be I’ve been at my job 15 yrs after Beeing dx in march with sec went off sick for my chemo I’ve not heard a word from my manager not even a tex to ask how I am it’s such a joke now

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Same here - my assistant sends regular texts and emails but my line manager (not based on our site) - not a dickie bird, not one since I finished work.

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I am a Manager and when one of my supervisors was on long term sick I telephoned or texted every couple of days.I felt that in my position it was important that I made my member of staff feel thought of and to show that I was concerned about her as a person. I received texts/phone calls constantly when dx last Nov but they soon lessened/stopped. My line Manager texted once in a blue moon the last one being in July to see when I was going back to work!!

As the saying goes “Out of site, out of mind”

Lizz xx

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Isn’t it a strange business world we work in??? It is nice you’re in the same boat as others but it’s really depressing to think of how shallow people actually are and how widespread it is!!

Time to consider all my options, me thinks!!

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Arrange for the toner to run out the day after you go sick next time, and remember to leave the webcam turned on, then go home, get your tipple soerted, tune in and watch the fun, and laugh you ass off! It’s not your job, it’s everyone’s job so if anyone wants the photocopier to work, they can just do it theirselves.
Hey now i feel better too! :slight_smile:

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Excellent idea, hymil - love it! You’ve got it just right - I wasn’t upset because I was expected to have changed the toner but that the assumption was that somebody else thought that they were above it themselves. I like the idea of creating havoc in the office too, and watching it unfold on film!

I know I’ve over-reacted, and realised that other people are just as stressed (with or without having to live with a life threatening disease) but it feels so much better for having a giggle about it now. Thank you!