Yes gingerbud I do understand what you mean I hope. It’s such a life altering disease that I don’t think I can say 100% that it’s not in my mind at some point in the day, but having hope stories and pictures can’t help but be uplifting, and why make a newbie give up with all the horrifying statistics before they know what is going to happen. I know the wait for my results was the most awful time, and even now my results are not what I wanted to hear, I can deal with it, live with it because of the support, tears, cyber hugs and advice that I have got on this site. So thank you ladies and gents.
And again as gingerbud says we all have so much to deal with being unkind to each other won’t help anyone . Xx
Thank you Tina your right ignorance is bliss & I too was one who when 1st diagnosed I came here read the posts & went away again FAST it was all too much I then got to grips with it & came back & started posting… I think it was just excepting that this dam BC might get the upper hand & accepting that, that I want to move on, forward, with whatever maybe for me. Also I think you have to take into concideration there is 42,000 women each year diag with BC in the UK alone … how many members do we have 17,000 + if my memory serves me correct so it is a fraction of the life stories withing these pages & those that no longer post or visit are those who have moved on … OK yes there are those that unfortunately have needed to come back after few or many years.
Ignorance is bliss but it can also be dangerous. If I hadn’t read up on bc I would undoubtedly be dead by now. Several docs including my surgeon dismssed my skin recurrence + it was me who pushed + pushed until skin mets were diagnosed. If it wasn’t for this site, I’d have never heard of skin mets nor knew the nasty potential of tnbc + would have took their word for it, letting the cancer get a tighter grip…
Just re-read my initial post + can’t quite believe several of you thught I was having a go at those of you trying to move on after your bc diagnosis?! I truly hope you ladies can move on without this evil disease having too mch of a negative impact on your lives. And it’s important to remember that most women DO survive bc. I do beleve though, that few women truly move on in the full sense of the word, especially those who frequent sites like this, and those whose families have suffered at the hands of bc. At no point did I say those who are trying to move on were ignorant, I said the minority who probably could move on properly were there ones who are blissfully unaware of bc’s potential…
I didn’t realise this was a conrovercial topic when I first posted- I hadn’t read the thread about the gallery. Thunk I will stick to the triple neg thread from now on. I thought my bcc friends knew me better than to think I would Want to upset anyone on here by suggesting that they are ignorant about bc +for wanting to move frward…
tina x
Nothing you have said upset me gingerbud but I am very rarely roused to irritation on here-it truly wasnt you love and I felt I just wanted to say that it isnt happy clappy clap trap to have hope that one day we might be able to find a new normal.We can never go back there will always be bc.
I too am triple negative.
Val
Gingerbud I never thought you were trying to upset anyone. I to am triple negative, yours was one of the post that I could relate too, yours was not the one that upset me at all, I wish you well and just to let you know, many of your posts have been a great help to me.
Thanks GB xxxx
Gingerbud, I think semantics have come into play. You have shown your customary respect for other posters on this site, so please don’t think anyone feels that you’ve done anything wrong.
I think what would clear the air much more effectively than multiple threads would be a clear statement from BCC about the MAIN purpose of the gallery. If it is as a resource to newly diagnosed people that life CAN and DOES go on, then an “In memoriam” section would NOT be appropriate, nor would lots of “in-yer-face” facts about survival rates, IN THAT SECTION. Yes, there may well be a place for those hard facts about survival rates, but a section aimed at reassurance that every newly diagnosed person isn’t going to die in the next two weeks (that was certainly my fear on initial diagnosis) then the gallery is not the place.
I am sure BCC will get back to us, after taking into consideration a lot of the points put across. There have been some very good suggestions made, e.g. some mechanism to allow people to filter entries in the gallery to find those whose diagnosis is similar to their own. I think that would be VERY helpful.
Why is there a second thread on the topic anyway? What’s been said on this thread is what was being said on the original thread that informed us of the gallery, so why do we need another one (with, I must say, has a less than respectful title)?
When I said on page one, “I don’t feel that I will ever “move on””, I was on my phone and keeping all comments very short. What I meant to say was that I cannot continue on the same path I was on; I cannot move forwards.
I will, however, move sideways - the path I cannot see yet know.
That doesn’t make me blissfully unaware. I am, indeed, very aware that things can never be the same again. It’s a new tomorrow.
Hi Tina I was never upset by your post either love im too thick skinned Ive read many of your posts on the TN threads & your always very kind & supportive I too am TN & thats the reason Id like to see anything inspiring here or anywhere for that matter, Im well aware of the TNBC & all that may go with it I did a lot of my own research too.So yeah the more positives I see the better I know the BAD side … just isn’t enough of the other side & when there is I say bring it on 
it will certainly keep me motivated
Good point CM I wondered why there was two threads on this subject ?
Mekala x
Tina
i knew what you meant about ignorance straight away, but can see how people could have got the wrong end of the stick, but now you’ve explained what you meant in more detail its clear it wasn’t offensive. i must say it surprised me to see you wade in like a lamb to the slaughter on a contentious thread, but it makes sense now though after you said you hadn’t read the other thread! Don’t worry, i think its clear that you didnt wish to offend anyone. Go eat some chocolate 
vickie
x
Hi Ninja your right there life wont be the same for any of us alot has changed for us all & we probably all appreciate all the little things in life more now, reading some of the comments on the Gallery those who have posted have near on said this ( not knowing whats round the corner but now getting on with life the best I can ) I see that as moving on or stepping forwards, sideways whatever suits one thing nobody can do while still *being alive* is stand still.
Mekala X
I think sadly some times on this site, members can be all too quick to discect the posts of others and look for controversy that simply isn’t there. I have nothing against the gallery (although I still haven’t looked at the link + so can only say that based on the rationale of wanting to offer hope to others- which I think is hugely important btw) and made that clear in my initial post. Yes newbies do need reassurance + they do need reminding that the majority of bc sufferers do survive. I was just commenting on the whole notion of being able to ‘move on’ + linking it to the steretype that bc is a less serious cancer + Is curable blah blah. It’s an issue I feel strongly about- I challenge any1 to look at my chest + the scars that measure just under a metre in total, and tell me bc isn’t serious. But that’s another issue + I know I’m preaching to the converted on that score- I’m just explaining what motivated me to post about the concept of moving on in the first place…
I wasn’t expecting the hostile reaction I recieved- seems the only word in my post that initially received attention was ‘ignorant’ and the whole point was msunderstood anyway. Thankfully now it seems my innocent intentions have become clear but it’s a shame it took 2 explanations to get there…
It’s peed me off +spoilt my day + I will keep my (harmless) opinions to myself from now on…
i make no apology for the title of my thread. The moving forward gallery is distorted and dishonest because it totally ignores stage 4 people or those who have had a recurrence - so the term happy clappy clap-trap is descriptive and fair.
Those who feel this is irritating, or disrespectful can console themselves with the fact that BCC are probably unlikely to change the format ( I mean lets face it they only started the stage 4 day, two years ago). As I said earlier, BCC have a duty to present accurate information - so they should present factual information, rather than info with a spin put on it. But the fact that a number of BC peeps seem to think it is acceptable to marginalise and ignore their fellow BC sufferers is hardly going to encourage them to do that. In any case, why do peeps on here assume that stage 4 means you cannot move forward?.
Gingerbud, your post is absolutely fine, written from your experience. Please don’t let your day be spoilt because you speak from the heart.
I would like to add that the ‘moving forward’ gallery is just part of the ‘moving forward’ campaign. A much broader initiative with a practical hardcopy folder to help you move forward. Ofcourse we do need to move forward post treatment, but we don’t leave bc behind, it comes with us, we do not forget, we have changed and our lives have changed through the bc experience.
My point (on the other thread - why do we have another thread?) is that there is still a long way to go in bc communication. You cannot address all comms objectives in one campaign and aim at all target audiences. I hope that the BCC team will be able to inform us what their next big comms campaigns will be about?
Nikki x
The title of this thread is provacative.Clap trap suggest that the moving forward gallery is a load of rubbish,that people who want to find some hope when they are at their lowest are foolish if they go to the gallery and believe the spin.
My own opinion is that i am in favour of it.I am three years down the road but i still come on the site to mainly read.But what i would also like to be able to have is other peoples stories who are 5,10,20yrs from diagnosis.Generally people leave this site when they have gone through their treatment so anyone newly diagnosed wont get a balanced picture of breast cancer.The threads in the forums help wonderfully with support during chemo,etc…but after treatment hardly any threads,as people go back to their busy lives.However the silent fear never quite goes. The gallery could be a place to address that.It’s a small part of BCC and i can’t understand why it needs to be made into such a contentious topic.
I am all in favour of postive stories re BC. I have sadly lost five really good friends to the disease, as well as family members, so I am very aware that BC kills, but I am also aware that a large percentage of women who are diagnosed with the disease DO survive, and thats what keeps me going and will continue to keep me going!!
i think there are many different breast cancers ,many different grades and stages something i never realised before my dx,we all cope in our own way and whatever helps any one with any type of this bloody awful disease is fine by me and if people can move forward in one way or another then thats great but we are all on this forum bacause in one way or another we need or give support and we are all in this together when we would rather not, be love to all x
well to move this discussion sideways. I think a gallery of people whos lumps were not bc would be good. this site is great for people undergoing treatment, but as we all know its in the initial stages when waiting for diagnosis that people worry such a lot.
when i first logged on there were a few new posts about just being diagnosed, and just being worried, so i thought it was a great site for me.( an it has been, it has kept me sane) But some days now when i log on, obviously because there are more people undergoing treatment, the links are a bit scarey.
we all tell newbies that 80% of lumps are not cancer, it might be reassuring for them to have faces to put to that.
Gingerbud,
Please don’t keep your opinions to yourself and please don’t let this spoil your day. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I thought you put yours forward in a thoughtful respectful way.
I’m not going to say much on the actual topic as I don’t particularly want to become embroiled in controversy. All I will say is that I am stage 4 and I too like hearing positive stories, I like to provide a positive story too whenever I can, living with breast cancer at any stage is no fun but we can all learn from eachother and support each other. I think that Lemongrove is right in the fact that the gallery could be called something different(but still be positive), moving on is perhaps not the best title. I think it important too that we present a balanced picture, the gallery could also include stage 4 stories, there are lots of us adapting to a ‘new normal’, living with and making the most of our lives with cancer. There are newly diagnosed stage 4 women that use the site too and they will be looking for stories of hope and positivity (I certainly did). Perhaps a title like ‘Finding the new normal’ or something similar would prove less controversial than moving on?
Lots of women do survive bc, lots have recurrence, more than is realised get mets, many die. Those are the facts. What this site also provides is the shared sorrow and the shared joy,the celebration when things go well and the support and sympathy when they don’t, lets not lose sight of that. Yes, I have mets, yes it’s scary, yes I wish I didn’t …but on the whole life is still good and I’m living my new life and I take comfort from other women living their new lives,all our stories,all our lives are valid.
Well considering I wasn’t going to say much this has turned into a long post, I hope that no-one will be upset by any of it, just trying to calm the waters!
All the best to you all, love Julie xx
with all respect old and lumpy i totally understand your comment but the site is called breast cancer care and i feel once someone knows their lump isnt cancer they would automatically move on and would have had the support needed(i hope so anyway)so dont think that would be an issue but if cancer was dx then we are with them all the way x
Beautifully put, JulieD.