Morning everyone!
I have been ‘pushing myself’ to keep going for the last 3 months or so. I have been unable to cry until this last week. Finally, I am crying. I see this as a positive thing as the emotion needs to come out because the stress of ‘staying strong’ is starting to take its toll on me.
Today I have called in sick at work and will stay home, cry if I need to, potter around the house and get it tidy. One of the side-effects of my pressure cooker building up is not doing the chores or cooking, and eating and drinking way too much rubbish and wine. Later I have a free massage, or perhaps a facial, booked through the local Harmony Trust charity here in Kent. It is time to look after myself and pamper this battered body.
I start rads on Thursday and would like to be in a better frame of mind for that. Today I have admitted I can’t ignore the emotional effects of cancer. I am fortunate I haven’t got to go through chemo but I keep being told that I still have cancer and have a right to feel the way I do. Because I am not having chemo I feel that I don’t have a right to be upset because I have been incredibly lucky to have my cancer caught early. I see so many people worse off than myself (I work in a hospital cancer services centre). Cancer is cancer whatever degree of the disease you have. It is the biggest battle I have ever had to face and will continue to face for the rest of my life.
Hoping everyone is feeling good this morning. Thank you for listening to my ramblings - you are invaluable to someone like me who lives alone. I get so much inspiration and comfort from reading this forum - thank you.
BW
Alison:catsad: