It makes me so sad to read these posts of insensitivite conduct of company HR idiots!!
I have to say it is the same now in Education; I retired from teaching as soon as could as the new ‘breed’ of head teacher is only concerned about school performance and not the staff or indeed the pupils!!! Thankfully I didn’t have to cope with bc whilst still working.
I hope you lovely ladies ignore all that rubbish and take time to care for yourselves…and enjoy the holidays too.
People don’t realise that you only see 10% of a person at face value…who knows what the other 90% is sufferering.
Best wishes to everyone and hope you’re feeling ok today.
Well I’m returning to work on 3rd September after 10 months in sick leave. I am dreading it!! My manager had confirmed she has moved my desk to sit with a group of colleagues who are all of diffrrent ethnic origin to me. Im not being racist here but this group of girls all speak to each other about their own religious lives and in their own language and they dress all in the same Asian fashions. They do not integrate with my other colleagues, we have nothing in common and I will be like a fish our of water amongst them. Im already getting stressed about this. I can’t say anything to my manager as it would look like I am being racial predujist against them. I do believe she has done this as she knows I will be uncomfortable sitting with them. Think they want me out of the door!!!
Well I know it sounds bad but I live in Bradford??? I work for a bank in their probate department. My Manager is not Asian and I know we have to have diversity in the workplace but they seem to get away with murder!! I have actually reported them b4 for the language thing but nothing got done!! I may add I have worried there 18 years so it’s not as though I am a rookie!! Just think because of my age and illness they may be trying to force me out as they do have a history of treating other long term colleagues this way!! I think they just want a must cheaper, younger workforce, albeit moat of them can’t put a grammatically correct sentence together!!! Oh well I’ll have to bite the bullet!!!
Thanks Delly and Appletree. I will certainly take your suggestions on board and try to turn it round to my advantage. Will just see how things go. Thanks again and hope everyone is having a great bank holiday weekend despite this filthy weather!!???
Hi Delly I’m.afraid this job will be my last employment b4 I retire as I’m almost 62. I cannot face the rigours of going through interviews etc at this stage in my life. I only work part time now anyway so i will just see how it goes. I’m on phased return so only doing a few hours per day at first. I will keep you posted how it goes. Thank you for your concern ???
Background: I have had depression for over 27 years, been on medication most of that time and have spent alot of time feeling suicidal. Things have been good the past 7 years, and now I have breast cancer I don’t want to die.
A friend who knows this background, when I told her I was likely looking at a second mastectomy for cancer in the other breast helpfully commented ‘so you’ve decided to fight it’
For some reason, that really upset me. I’m not fighting anything, I have an illness that I’m trying to cope with with medical help.
Hi Pastamissus,
Well, that was not very helpful, it’s not like we have a choice ?.
As ever, those who haven’t been through it are generally well meaning but don’t hit the right note at times. Looking back, I was guilty of it myself in the past.
ann x
I am curious to know what were the early symptoms that you noticed before you visited the hospital. Seeing a lump is an obvious symptom. Do you remember seeing any other symptoms even before the lump? Also, did you ever feel that some particular habit of yours caused you cancer. Your own self realisation kind of thing…
Maggie 48 your post did make me smile as I know exactly what you mean.
Having been recently diagnosed with invasive lobular and invasive tubular in one breast I insisted I have further scanning of my clear breast to make sure nothing had been missed there. When I was told there was nothing the response from my sister was “you must be so relieved” ! Yes I’m about to go on for a mastectomy and sentinel node remodel I’m ecstatic. Same sister, who is renowned for her lack of tact said “ I never thought I’d be the only one with my own breasts “ ( younger sister had a mastectomy 15 years ago). Leaves me speechless.
Work colleague when told said “at least you’ll get Xmas off work”
Brother in law offered my hubby help sirthing things out when I’m gone. He was rapidly sent packing and told he has no place in my life or recovery.
Begining to think I’m surrounded by idiots but guess it’s really that they don’t know what to say so end up saying the wrong thing
hey ho hope you’re recovery is going well. I’ve postponed my op until 7/12 so I can have a much looked forward to holiday and then knuckle down to dealing with this.
Oh Melanie what a brilliantly awful collection of clumsy comments- I’m glad I made you smile. I’ve had my op and rads and now settling into the shock to the system that is Tamoxifen & people’s assumptions about me being ‘done’! Have a fabulous holiday and remember the lovely ladies on this forum are a great source of support when you start treatment.
Pastamissus - I’m really sorry to hear you need more treatment.
Wow some of you have had to deal with the most incredible insensitivity! You really have to laugh because the alternative might be punching them in the face! Thankfully most of my friends and family have been kind and supportive. My biggest gripes (some of which I may have been guilty of in the past but will try to avoid ever doing again) are:
Not knowing what to say, so avoiding me (one acquaintance dropped off a bunch of flowers, but practically ran away down the driveway before I could get to the door!)
Saying “Oh don’t worry about chemo, I’ve heard it’s not that bad”
Saying “My friend / colleague / sister in law / you-name-it had breast cancer x years ago, and she’s fine” (or worse: “and she died”)
Also my 13 year old daughter said about my impeding mastectomy, “don’t worry mum, you don’t really have any boobs anyway”. But I did just laugh, because one day after she’s breastfed her kids, she won’t have any left either!!
I’ve got one friend who is so encouraging and says, ‘You can do this, you can get through and out the other side’.
I’ve got another friend, who herselfs suffers from depression and every time I’m ill after chemo, says ‘You can stop the treatment anytime you want, you don’t really want to have a poorer quality of life do you’.
I can’t think of anything more you don’t want to hear from someone when you feel so ill and even doubt yourself if it’s the right choice, but when you are told what the alternative would mean, I think encouraging support is so important.
I’ve got one friend who is so encouraging and says, ‘You can do this, you can get through and out the other side’.
I’ve got another friend, who herselfs suffers from depression and every time I’m ill after chemo, says ‘You can stop the treatment anytime you want, you don’t really want to have a poorer quality of life do you’.
I can’t think of anything more you don’t want to hear from someone when you feel so ill and even doubt yourself if it’s the right choice, but when you are told what the alternative would mean, I think encouraging support is so important.
Well I’ve gone right off my Oncologist as of yesterday morning. I got told that I really needed to do something about my weight as my outcome would be greatly reduced due to my obesity. Her words not mine. I went on my own … note to self NOT to do that again. At the time I just sat there like a numpty while she looked for some exercise/gym thing to refer me to. When I got home and went over the appointment in my head I got really upset. In fact I think I cried all afternoon and evening. Yes I have a weight problem but have other health issues as well so have not even been able to walk my dogs for the last couple of years. Talk about kick you when you’re down!
I feel that I have brought the cancer on myself because I am overweight and what’s the point of having all this treatment if it’s not going to help. VERY, VERY fed up. Needless to say, she does a good impression of a stick insect!
Absolutely appalling thing for anyone to say but especially the very person who is suppost to be your first line of support! I’m sure my husband would have soon put her in her place but he would have been dragging me off her first ! ?
Well I had a shocker today. A relative I’ve not seen since before my diagnosis dropped by for a cuppa and came out with “its nice that you’ve not been that ill with it” I avoided eye contact with my husband as there were youngsters present- but I know you’ll understand I wanted to shout “ it was cancer, no I didn’t have chemo, but it wasn’t the flu!”