CC I would agree - my husband has been wonderful too, and I am very lucky to have him.
Hi Cathy,
I agree with you, its lovely to see threads like this on BCC no longer being shot down by some, i used to get quite upset sometimes in the past when this happened, out of every awfull situation i think there are always some positives to be found, whether its finding out who your real friends are ,to doing those things that you never dared try before, or just waking up each day and appreiciateing how precious and wonderfull everything in life realy is.
I still find lots to be thankfull for and always will
My husband has always been my rock too and after 30yrs of marrage i love him more now than ever, and too feel very lucky to have him in my life.
Lovely thread
Linda x
The upside for me has been getting extra respite for our severely disabled son which was greatly appreciated during the summer holidays whilst I was having chemo. Having the respite care also enabled me to have a lovely night away with OH, the first time in over 12 years since eldest was born.
Michele
Gosh Michele - what a lot you’ve had to deal with. Is there any chance of the respite care continuing after your treatment ends?
Great thread! I believe there’s always something positive to take from even the most horrible experiences. My husband always used to tell me “just think how much money you’re saving on hairdressers!”, not to mention the savings on waxing… I also had fun trying different make up, drawing different eyebrow shapes… (i don’t normally wear much make up at all so this was a whole new world to me!). On the serious front, it did make me realise how much people care for me, which was very comforting. Also, I used to be a worrier, always stressed about the silliest things (usually work-related). Going through this really helped me put things in perspective and realise what is important in life and what clearly isn’t, something I try to keep reminding to myself all the time.
One major omission: my two lovely sons (couldn’t wish for better ones), who before bc were perhaps in the habit of remembering their old mum’s existence when in a fix or skint, now text me and ring me regularly. Which is GREAT. And for a CHAT, not just to ask me how I am doing after treatment, etc. (that too, of course).
The younger one, currently at uni, has tweeted this thread to his mates. Not sure what it means BUT you might be getting read by loads of young people out there…
Lulu XX
My dad died 12 months before I was diagnosed. We live in my parents old house and every day when I was ill I could hear my dad saying “there is always somebody worse off than yourself”. It kept me going. I found it a real comfort to be living here at that point as some of the house is still as it was when I was a child - I’m just getting round to renovating everything as it was put on hold.
I wouldn’t have chosen to lose my hair or shave it off completely but since I have no choice about being bald now I’m actually loving having a different look every day. I’ve got a very glam NHS wig thanks to a bit of titivation from my hairdresser and I’ve bought 3 more in different lengths and styles. My friends are very jealous! And when it starts to grow back I’ll be experimenting with different colours and styles that I would never have dreamed of trying before!
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Hi this is a brilliant idea for a thread.Whilst I would have preferred this not to have happened time off work is/has allowed me enjoy some simpler pleasures in life. Watching the autumn colours on the trees,sitting in bed in the morning and watching the kestrel that sits on top of my hedge,realising that whilst I knew I had lovely friends realising that they truly are really lovely and very cherishing of me (Ah gonna blub in a minute)and not sweating the small stuff used to get so stressed about minor things- hope this is still the case when I get back to work lol.Love to all Jackie
Since losing my hair I am loving being able to have a shower every morning and be able to stick my head under without worrying about getting my hair wet, same in the bath!
Not missing shaving my legs etc either!!!xxx
I am braver. I don’t care what people think. I wear clothes I didn’t used to wear. I used to have so many responsibilities both personal and private and I gave up everything I could give up and learnt to say no. I now reserve my time for my husband, my children and my best friend and think my life is much happier for it.
Just wish it hadn’t taken bloody cancer to teach me what was important in my life.
Joxx
Great to read about positive things going on for other people and I have thought of a few more things since I last posted! Firstly I now have a regular date a week after chemo for friend to come to my house and we listen to to a few chapters of the audiobook of Anne of Green Gables. Its heaven and fine if you fall asleep because you can always ‘wind’ back. Its a great way of spending time with friends when you dont have the energy to speak and shesays it has been very good for her too. The same friend sends a little parcel to the chemo unti on the day of my treatment so altho I walk in there full of dread, there is also something to look forward to. Also today I went and bought a book on how to paint with water colours and some paint brushes.I used to do this but havent for years so am going to get paints out and have another bash. My neighbour goes to a class during the day which I couldnt go to in the past because of work … but now I can when I feel well well enough.
Like bennyboo I wear things I never used to. TBH, in my 20s I was really fashionable (well it was the 80s!), but by my mid 30s I had finished my degree and drifted into jobs where everybody wore jeans and jumpers. I kind of lost my way a bit and became a bit drab looking. I swore I’d never wear really drab colours like brown and olive green again - if I do catch myself doing that I make sure I wear an eyecatching bit of jewellery. I also experiment more with makeup and wear different colours of eyeshadow more.
I spent a lot of time being unkind to myself in the years leading up to this as things were not as I intended them to be. There were a lot of issues to do with my sister as well (when I was in my teens my mum used to tell me I would never be as good as her as she was the favourite). I now just see my sis as being a bit of a saddo because she runs from everything - she moved abroad when our dad went into care so she didn’t have to deal with it. She was here when I was diagnosed and got on a plane at 6 am the next morning, never saw her again for nearly a year. My OH has never forgiven her for that.Thankfully, I learned to dump all that baggage a few years ago.
Thankyou for a brilliant thread. I too remember the last time when people were being shot down in flames for looking for anything positive in this experience.
Firstly let me say that this is a horrible disease, and as someone who had only had primary cancer I know that I don’t know how it feels for those who have secondaries. However, my own experience has been completely life changing for me.
After diagnosis I took up tai chi and practice mindfulness and meditation. I changed the way I eat and feel better than I’ve felt in my adult life. I rarely get stressed any more and realise the real priorities in life. Ironically I used to worry about death and dying all the time before cancer, but now I don’t - I focus on being alive every day. There is always something beautiful to look at or to listen to in the world. I am a much happier person and much more positive and optimistic than I was.
And like many women I have found that those around me, including the women on this forum, have been unfailingly kind, generous and supportive.
alex
xx
It is good to see such a positive thread.I’ve been living with breast cancer now for nearly 8 years and was diagnosed with secondaries in Feb 08 aged 38 and my husband sadly left in the May unable to cope under the strain so it was hard to see the positive side at that time. However,in a strange way,knowing my time is limited helped me to decide that it was sink or swim and that I wasn’t going to be remembered in my final years as a tragic figure so over the past 2 years I’ve really been living life to the full and haven’t been so happy and fulfilled in all my life as I really live for every day despite having had to give up most of my work and now being on a very low income.
I’ve been to Paris,Greece,Spain,Italy over the past 2 years,modelled in the BCC Cymru Fashion show in Feb,celebrated my 40th birthday in style with 8 consecutive days of celebrations,joined 2 social groups,done pottery,just started jewellery making classes,joined a community choir and go to opera,concerts and theatre and go out with friends as much as I can. I’m doing far more than I did before I had secondaries and was in a relationship. I feel I’m more myself than I’ve ever been and feel so grateful to have been given this opportunity but of course I’d rather learned it without having cancer but it’s helped me focus on what’s truly important in my life. It’s also helped me realise that my job,partner,and illness do not define me! I don’t take things for granted and of course I get scared but usually I just book something else to look forward to and have found that when there’s a will there really is a way as I never dreamed I’d be able to do all these things. I’m also doing it to help my family and friends cope and hope to inspire others to really make the most of every day.
Anne, you are proof that you don’t need to have a fantastic income to lead an interesting and fulfilling life. There are loads of free things you can find to do if you just look for them. I get really fed up with people round me saying they don’t know how I could have come back up here from London as there’s nothing to do! They all complain about things like not having a cinema in the town, yet the local theatre shows films often 3 or 4 nights a week and it’s a whole lot cheaper than the Odeon multiplex 10 miles away as it’s only £4.50 or £4 for a concession (when I was ill it was only £3.50). Ice creams and coffees are a pound, so a cheap night out.
My own thing at the moment is updating my business skills, so I have been going on every free Business Gateway thing in my area. Have learned some fantastic stuff, you meet new people, and if it’s an all day thing you get lunch thrown in as well! As a bonus, these courses have brought my confidence on. Like many other ladies here it took some time to regain it. Anything that helps is worth it, whether it be academic or just vocational like learning to paint or draw. My SiL was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb and painting in watercolour and taking up knitting again to pass a few hours have been her salvation.
Alexamay, I also took up mindfulness and meditation about 3 years ago. I have just about every book and CD by Jon Kabat Zinn who teaches this at University of Massachusetts. His stuff is wonderful and has taught me a lot about why we display certain behaviours under stress. I do the Body Scan meditation of his - great for clearing your head if you get a mental block. I’ve found a flyer for a tai chi class in a church hall round the corner, so I’m going to investigate as I could stick a tracky bottom on and walk there in 5 mins.
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You are quite right norbert, you need to have someone with a voice that sounds right for you and I know J K-Z may not be right for everyone. However, I do like his teachings as they make a lot of sense for me.
A few years ago my brother gave me a meditation tape and I couldn’t use it as the guy sounded like Vincent Price with a Scots accent, it was really creepy. I also tried self hypnosis stuff by a guy called Coby Zwikler. His accent was Macunian and a bit camp, he had a certain way of pronouncing things and I just found him downright irritating. I have another old tape from 25 years ago where the guy sounds like Alfred Hitchcock - that one sends me to sleep if I ever do it.
One of the best I have ever had was a self hypnosis tape by a guy called Robert Farago. About 20 years ago he used to treat people for phobias on This Morning and he had a clinic in Hampstead. I got this tape free with a copy of New Woman, but it got lost when my house was flooded in 2001. It was 10 mins long and he took you down a large staircase. The weird thing was you could feel yourself sinking further and further down - when he brought you back to the top your eyes suddenly opened! I really wish I could get another copy of this - every time I did it I was focused and refreshed afterwards. At that point I worked for a Japanese bank in the City and it was a good stress reliever.
Thanks for the link, I’ll take a look.
Mm Ladies you have all made me think again again again ( no not Father Ted) I really was not considering retiring for a lot or reasons----love my job, split from Ex late in life ( sorry am I going a bit off thread)so financially left in dire staits but got that just sorted when BC hit and oh how that made me start to review how my life might be.To-day I got a letter and application form asking if I wanted to take Mutually agreed Resignation Scheme (MARS) this is an NHS thingie ho crikey more decisions.
Meanwhile on a really lovely note my daughter came over last evening as her bloke has gone off on a stag night lol he rang here at 4am .).).)
So we all went off on a lovely walk from my book of walks in this area.Managed a 5 mile walk so really pleased with myself.It was so lovely to walk through fields and hedgerows a few miles from the M4. Well tomorrow I will be re-tracing some of that walk to collect sloes and blackberries to make sloe gin for Christmas and freeze b’berries and how lovely is all of that in this lovely English autumn/ Will be saving this thread for good stuff. Love to all Jackie