Hi everyone
I thought of starting this thread to highlight the “positive” side of bc. Yes, it sounds like a contradiction in terms, doesn’t it? How can something positive be associated to such a devastating, terrifying disease? AND YET I believe it can be the case.
I would like people to share the good things that have come out of this terrible experience, not in an attempt to be happy pappy and play down this terrible illness (God forbid!) but because I DO genuinely believe that some good things CAN come out of it.
In my case being diagnosed has brought me closer to my husband again. Previously to my dx in June we had been conducting very busy, parallel lives. Ships passing in the night at times. Since I found out I had bc my husband has (surprisingly) turned out to be the most supportive, caring man I could wish for. I don’t know what I would do without him at my side. I know that there are many more amazing husbands/partners out there! It is only fair to acknowledge them. It can’t be easy for them either to deal with this beast!(I appreciate there are some cads too, reading some of the postings, but we won’t deal with them here.)
I have also realized, thanks to the many cards, flowers and tokens of affection from colleagues,neighbours and friends just HOW MANY people care about me and wish me well. I have been touched. And humbled.
Having cancer has forced me to reappraise my life and my priorities and to realize what the important things truly are.
If anybody has anything good and positive they want to share please do so! And don’t forget: they don’t all have to be serious! The upside of cancer can be trivial too (i.e.: not having to spend hundreds of pounds in hair care products/expensive haircuts, not paying for your prescriptions, etc.).
Hugs to all
Lulu XX
Lulu, when I was first diagnosed and faced the challenge of telling my family and friends I never knew how much everyone would care! My friends took over the school run after my mx/recon, my wonderful OH learned to cook! and as we were in the middle of moving house, neighbours helped with the move. During Chemo we had builders in and they ended up making me cups of tea!!! My boys showed a real resilience and maturity for their age. I have made many new friends through the forum and the local support group. We probably appreciate our family time even more than before, I know it sounds like a cliche but it’s true. Thanks for starting this thread! X
Hi Lulu60
What an inspirational idea to have a thread that puts a positive spin on this horrible illness. I too discover how much people cared about me when I was diagnosed with all the lovely messages, cards flowers etc from friends, neighbours, colleagues and of course family. My partner also came up trumps and was there for me every step of the way. He really was a rock (and still is) even though we don’t actually live together.
I have also made a fantastic friend because of bc. I met Di at Radiotherapy, she isn’t even from my area. But we just hit it off immediately and have been in touch ever since, we phone regularly and visit when we can, she even travelled quite a few miles to share my recent 60th birthday celebrations with me. She told me I was the good thing to come out of bc and that’s how I feel about her too. Of course there is also the added bonus of having a good friend who understands the bc experience. We would never have met in the normal course of events. So for me she has been the positive side of cancer.
To be sung to the tune of These are a few of my favourite things by Julie Andrews! … Not having to go to work on increasingly cold dark mornings, having time to read books, poetry, newspapers. Time to feed the birds and watch them play. Time to stop and think - to stroke the cats.Not having to buy hair products or pluck my eyebrows. Eating things I wouldnt normally such as hot chocolate and crisps ( at the same time!) Making new friends. More time with family. Excuse to buy/borrow/wear lovely scarves/ hats. Watching a backlog of movies. Lazy mornings with newspaper/radio in bed. How is that for a start? There must be must be more …
trying really hard to never take anything, or anyone for granted again.
Enjoying every minute.
xxxx
Even though i’m not recovered yet i feel stronger in myself. I don’t care so much about what people might think. Some people have been amazing including my OH we have only been together two and a half years and it could have been make or brake. Luckily it has brought us closer, he is a gem and i am keeping him.
It’s also made me stop and really listen to people and just pass the time of day with complete strangers.
This might sound a bit odd but i have also realised that no matter how much support you have or people you have around you I’m in it on my own when it comes right down to it. That’s been a good thing for me to learn, feels empowering. That probably says a lot about my state of mind.lol
Jxxx
What a great thread.
This whole adventure has made me realise that life is too short for hanging around and putting off things that are important. Like seeing relatives and friends, making that phone call, giving someone a hug. Housework can wait, it will still be there tomorrow.
Thanks, I was having a bit a of bad day but it has made me take stock again. Liz xx
Since being diagnosed I have really realised who my true friends are and have been touched by how many people have offered help, even some I don’t even know that well.
I realise that life is short and as my dream has always been to visit China, I’ve decided to start saving up to go for my 50th birthday in a couple of years. Watch this space!
Getting to know my neighbours who have been great. Letting others help instead of being “so independant”. Spending more time with my girls. Realising I was working too much, especially by bringing work home instead of spending time with family and friends. Finding out how many people out there who cared enough to send an email, put a card in the post, offer to help or sent flowers.
Hi Lulu fellow Lulu here
great idea for a thread… after my fist diagnosis in 2006 i dont really think i thought too much about the positives but it did let me know who my true fiends were… and made me appreciate what was important in life.
when i was diagnosed again last year i developed some really strong friendships with some absolutely fantastic fellow BC girlies who will be friends for life… most of these fabulous ladies i met on this fantastic forum and 20 of us are planning to meet up for the 3rd time in a year in november in whitby.
i also met a lot of local ladies through BCC and have organised regular meets with them every month.
i also picked up a paintbrush and pastels for the first time since i was at school over 25 years ago and discovered i could actually draw and paint and have even sold a couple of my pictures… so thanks to maggies centre expressive art group id never have know i had this talent… never did a landscape in my puff till last november… now i just love it.
and finally i probably wouldnt have considered work as a breast care nurse if i hadnt had personal experience of it… my first application in 2007 secured an interview but unfortunately not a post however i applied for a post earlier this year in breast cancer screening and genetics as a bcn supported by my genetic nurse who was retiring and was incorporating part of her role… i love it.
so for me cancer has opened up many more doors than it has closed.
Lulu xxx
hey everyone
great GREAT stuff! Keep those good stories coming. They really bring a smile to your face.
Another upside for me has been learning how to join a forum and post! Lol Never did that in my life before (never needed to…).Too busy with work,etc. Didn’t even know what bumping a thread meant to start with. What a virgin,eh?
I have taken huge comfort from this website (it’s good for the soul to know that you are not alone in facing this ordeal) and met so many super ladies through this forum. One who lives in my town has become my chemo buddy!We now meet regularly for a chat and cups of green tea, although lately it has been hot choc and crisps (courtesy of chemo brain playing havoc with taste buds)…
We have all gone to war against this dreadful disease. My personal aim is to come out of this battle victorious,stronger and wiser.
Surely it can be done.
Have a good day
Lulu XXX
I think there is a lot of truth in what people are saying on this thread.
We moved back to Scotland from London for family reasons 2 years before I was diagnosed (my late dad had developed dementia and none of the rest of my family up here were handling the situation, so it fell to me). After dad went into care I couldn’t get a job to save my life - employers just assumed as I’d been in London for 20 years I would be bored working for them. Most of them also wrongly assumed I’d want to move back to London at some point.
We got into a bit of property renovation using the money from the house we sold, but weren’t enjoying it. OH retrained as a Web Developer because he’s uber techy, so we started a business. 6 weeks later I had cancer so we put it on hold. By that point my confidence was at an all time low - I’d gone from being a successful person in London with loads of experience, to a nobody who couldn’t get work.
Since finishing treatment I’ve now retrained as a copywriter and have done all sorts of other training courses. I actually doubt I would have been able to do this had ill health not made me realise there had to be something else out there. The business really took off early last year and I’ve now got the confidence to be involved in all sorts of things. I’m now managing my own small web projects and generally just enjoying things. An added bonus is we work from home in a spare room we’ve converted to office space, so no hassle from commuting. Just get up, get dressed and go to work.
How lovely to read all these stories & i echo what many of you have said. Im enjoying some me time while on sick leave,im visiting friends & family! Ive got more quality time for my boys,my partner whose been my rock. Because of this its made us realise that life is to short for messing about so when this is all over we are getting married,something lovely to look forward to. Its so true you do find out who your real friends are,i dont know what id have done without my close friends.Ive made a “cancer buddy” too & im off to the NEC to help raise money for break through breast cancer next week,she text me last week & said “has your hair started to fall yet?” i said “funny you should ask” she replyed “good we will make more money if your bald!” I had to laugh… So on a positive note i feel this experience is opening lots & lots of doors for me.
Claire x
Once treatment had finished I took up yoga (had never exercised before) and six years later am still doing it, and am stronger and more flexible at 52 than I was at 45.
Of course I would much rather not have had cancer, but there is nothing I can do about that, so I think I may as well focus on good outcomes - I still enjoy every single day of feeling well, cancer taught how to savour simple things like going out with friends for a nice meal, or a walk in this lovely autumn weather.
Sarah
I took up yoga and meditation after I’d been very ill on Taxotere - I was asked to be a volunteer on a stress management programme for breast cancer patients. It was so successful, they widened the criteria to all cancer patients and I have hear the men who go on it rave about it. I fall off the yoga wagon from time to time (at the moment I’m struggling getting up early in the darker mornings!), but I’ve been to see a local gym last week as I’m considering joining. A guy there does a yoga class on a Sunday morning, but my OH is keen to try Pilates on account of a back problem.
I also read books on mindfulness and meditation now and find I get a lot from them. I refer to an American academic called Jon Kabat Zinn and find his stuff makes a lot of sense. He talks about all the baggage you collect during the course of your life and says you end up dragging it behind you in a great long bag. When I had counselling, the psychologist taught me how to discard all this.
J K - Z also says if you wake up with a nightmare you should just tell it to go away by saying to it that it can leave your mind as quickly as it entered. I went through a period of having bad dreams about getting really sick again and I tried this technique - it really works!
No more periods, since the age of 34!!
How refreshing to see a thread like this without anyone jumping in complaining that there are no positives to cancer. I can remember an almost identical thread a couple of years ago, that nearly caused a war on the forum! Nice to see its not happening again
Well, let’s keep it happy and war free! Afghanistan is enough…
If people don’t agree there is something positive that can come out of cancer they don’t have to post. Simple! 
A big hug to the lovely ladies who have posted so far with their GREAT stories.
Lulu X
I have found out all over again why I fell in love with my OH in the first place! He has turned out to be so supportive and has even become all protective of me, which as a new and enjoyable trait. Before BC I was always determined to be independent and this has taught me that I do need help sometimes, and he’s always been there to offer it.
And on the more mundane level, the time off work has allowed me to concentrate on getting our cottage refurbished. The first few weeks after surgery were spend organising electricians and plumbers!
No I would never have chosen to have BC, but I’ve tried to make best use of the time it has forced me to have off work.
Sarah
Great thread. I’ve made lots of changes since dx, and even though I have secondaries in some ways I am happier than before. I have lost weight, got fitter, and have decided to be much more pro-active. We had got a bit lazy about our social life - in a middle aged rut, turning down invitations if it meant too much of an effort. Well, now we make the effort, and it’s mostly been worth it. I also spend more time with my dearest friends, and less with others. I don’t know how much time I’ve got, hopefully a good few years yet, but whilst I feel well I’m not going to waste it doing things I don’t enjoy.
finty xx