the waiting game is over and now I am scared

Yesterday I received the news that I had been half expecting, that I had breast cancer .I left the consulting room numb and in shock. I drove around for hours and finally went home to tell my children. My partner and I of many years are in the process of divorcing also so for my children aged 21,19,and 18 this has has been a double blow for them. I laid on the floor and sobbed. I am so scared and just dont know how I am going to cope or support them through this.Just dont know what to think or feel right now.


hi you sound exactly like me i am 49 happily married though, prob cos he works all the time. i have three children 21 24 and 25. i went casually for a lump and ended up with the dreaded thing about four weeks ago. what have you been told.i am glad theres someone else like me. xxxxxx julie

Hi Sharon

Welcome to the site - I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us, but you’ve come to the right place - everyone here is so supportive.

I was diagnosed back in April, age 41 and like you, was so scared. It completely floored me and my husband, and telling the kids was awful (they were 10 and 13 at the time). The first two weeks from diagnosis was horrendous - having to come to terms with it all, telling friends and colleagues, and family and having numerous scans. I spent that fortnight in a complete fog, and sobbed continuously. Once I got my treatment plan and knew what I was dealing with, I started to feel more positive . I’ve had eight sessions of chemo, had a mastectomy two weeks ago and have now got radiotherapy and herceptin to come next.

Sharon, although it doesnt seem like it at the minute, you will get stronger. I know this is a double blow for your kids, but I would advise talking to them, and even sharing your fears. I remember telling my kids - although I known they are much younger, that the next few months was going to be hard for all of us, but we were going to get through it and I would get better. They have totally amazed me with how strong they are !

The chemo is hard but do-able (we all think we’ll never be able to do it, but we do!) and is strong stuff - my tumour, which originally measured 5.2cm x 2.5cm shrunk away completely. Amazingly, my sense of humour returned half way through, which has also helped immensly.

I’m so glad you’ve found this site Sharon - please keep posting to let us know how you are doing, and remember there’s always someone here if you need us.

Sending you lots of love and a big hug



Hi Sharon

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care chat forums. I am sure you will get lots of help and advice from the many informed users of this site.

You may find useful BCC’s resource pack helpful which has been designed for those newly diagnosed. The pack is free of charge as are all our publications. If you would like a copy just follow the link below:

If you feel you need to talk to someone in confidence then please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Kind regards
Sam, Moderator

Hi Sharon

Sorry you have had to join us. You will get heaps of support on here though. I think the first 2-4 weeks are the worst after being dx, as you are waiting for whats going to happen and treatment to start.

I am 39, and my children are 3 yrs old and 11 months old. I was a mess after my dx, and didn’t stop crying, couldn’t eat or sleep and thought my life was about to end. I started chemo about 14 days later and although would rather do anything else, it is completely doable, no pain really apart from having the needle inserted, but that is tiny. I have had 3 x FEC and am now on 3 x taxotere (had first one over a week ago). I have had absolutely no sickness and taken the sickness drugs religiously. I lost my hair just around the 2nd chemo and that was hard to deal with, but wear my wig all the time and my little beanie hat in the evening and at night.

You will get through this, and as Julie said, you will get stronger and more positive and you have so much to fight for too. I am sorry about your situation with the divorce, doesn’t make this any easier for you I am sure.

Anyway, take care, let us know how your treatment plan goes and come back anytime for screaming, crying, chatting or anything really.

Take care

Hi Jal, Julie and Dawn

Thank you for your messages.All I know so far is that it is stage 3, small and hormone??? Cant remember everything they said. I am having a Wide local Excision on 1st November then radiotherapy and possibly chemo if it needs it. I guess I am just terrified. Thank you for talking to me though. You all seem so brave. I am just numb and lost right now, and terrified. Just want to cry all the time

Love Sharon x

Hi Julie,

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago - I’ve had a lumpectomy with good results, so my cancer has been given a grade 1. I’ve got radiotherapy to come and tamoxifen. I’m really worried about the latter, i think it’s borderline as to whether it will give me any benefits or not as my risk factor is very low. Looking at all of the side effects, especially as i’m pre menopausal, i’m not sure whether it’s worth it. I’ve been going around for 2 weeks being really positive and upbeat, and now the more i think about tamoxifen, the more i realise that i’ve got a horrible disease which is going to have a significant impact on my life, and i’m dreading getting the prescription and deciding whether to cash it in or not.

Hi Sharon,

I have also been diagnosed with breast cancer this week. Like you I am very frightened and my first thought was for my children, two sons aged 28 and 19. The oldest one has just finished ten years in the army encompassing 4 different war zones and the youngest is in his second year at uni. I have brought my boys up on my own and am really the only family they have. But they have been amazing and strong and protective, just what I needed. I did worry about how they would cope with the news , but they are the sensible brave young men that I brought them up to be and I did not need to worry at all. I to have spent much time crying and feeling lost but have realised quickly that I am in the very best of hands and I can do no more than to let go and let others take the strain for a change. None of us are brave, we just have no choice in the matter. Let all your enotions out, this is your time now. Love Lin xxx

Hiya Sharon.

I’m having surgery on 1st November, too. I don’t know how much yet. I had my MRI on Thursday of last week, but the one and only qualified radiologist in Aberdeen is on holiday until tomorrow. She promised to do it straightaway as she is off again the next day. I don’t understand in this digital age why they can’t send it somewhere else. Arrrrrrg!!!

Anyhow, sometime this week we should find out what they want to do to me. It is anything from lumpectomy to double masectomy. Wait, wait, wait. I’m tired of waiting. And we are waiting for the results before we have the serious talk with our children, six and four. They don’t know the word *cancer*. The older one knows there is something sick there and the doctor will make Mommy better. But I need to start getting them ready for Mommy going into the hospital. And we have no family up here, so how long I’ll be in really affects our plans and if someone can come help us.

I have invasive lobular, grade 2, estrogen positive, so had to stop taking the pill immediately. Add hormones on top of bad nerves, my poor kids!

Best of luck, Sharon. I hope your surgery goes well, and the other treatment, too. I’ll be thinking of you on the 1st. My surgery isn’t until late afternoon, so yours might be all over by the time they wheel me in.

Dear DebRey, thank you for your message. It is a life changing event to be told you have breast cancer, but logging onto this site has shown me that I am not as alone as I feel at times. We are having to make decisions right now about things we wish we didnt have to but know its the best thing in the long run. I understand how you feel about the Tamoxifen as I have been told I need it too. But we are in this together ok so am here if you need me ok. x

Dear loopylin, thank you so much for your message. You must be very proud of your sons. I stand in awe. Its a scary time right now and I just am so thankful to have wonderful support so thank you so much x

Dear Scottishhoosier, I have my operation in the morning so as you say will be out before they wheel you in. I will be thinking of you also and wishing you a speedy recovery so that you can soon be back on your feet for your little ones. I aim to be back at work as soon as possible and today told my cancer nurse that she has to get me to the start line of the london marathon next year if I get a place this year. I did it last year and want to improve my time so this has set me back as far as training is concerned!!! Never mind. Am thinking I may run in dressed in Madonna’s pointy bra outfit as it would be fitting. My children would be even more horrified as I ran it dressed as a fairy last year. Anyway thats my plan!! Take care and be thinking of you x

Hello Sharon,

I’m in awe, you want to run the marathon next year! What’s more, you’ve done it once before!! Take care, hon!

Hi Sharon, ScottisHoosier, DebRey and loopylin,
Sorry you have had to join us.
You will find alot of support on these forums.
I was diagnosed in jan., o4…absoluatley devestated…especially as first FNA came back as benign…had lumpectomy, 12mm grade 3 tumour, nodes involved, ER+…chemo, radio’ now tamoxifen.
Was petrified of chemo…but managed 4 out of 6, had no problem with rads.
The whole thing was and still is a roller coaster of emotions, had many a sleepless night watching tv in the early hours, scared witless. Some how got through though.

Wishing you all well in your journey
karen x

Bad day today. Dont know where I am going to find the strength to go through with this x feel so scared

Hi Sharon,
You poor thing - hang in there girl!
I know that scared feeling but remember you aren’t alone - think of this site as a kind of group hug. We will all be with you in spirit throughout your treatment and there are some wonderful, inspirational ladies in this forum. Their messaged have helped me loads in the past 2 weeks.

I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago and thanks to BUPA I had my op last week. I was a wreck on my day for surgery, I hadn’t had an anaesthetic since I had my tonsils out aged 5 and was scared about not having any control over what happened to me once I was unconscious. I was also scared about what they might find when they opened me up.

I went home the next day (last Friday) and went to see my consultant yesterday to be given the great news that my lymph nodes are clear and they are confident they have removed the whole tumour. Just waiting to heal enough to start radiotherapy and tamoxifen. I share some of DebRey’s concern about tamoxifen, but I am not going to let this beat me and if that is going to help stop further malignant cells developing, I’ll grit my teeth, buy a fan and make lots of ice to help the hot flushes.

Stay strong Sharon, were all rooting for you,

Lesley x

Hi Sharon,

Like Lesley I want to say hang in there, we are in a group hug for you sending as many positive vibes as possible. I really do not mean this flippantly, but please hold on to the fact that just because you have breast cancer you don’t have to die. Its my mantra and even through all the yucky treatment I hold on to the fact I am still here and feeling good today.

Sending you all good wishes to you and your family.

Take care

Hi Sharon,

I am so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. I am sure you will find it as invaluable as I have over the past few months. I was diagnosed in March, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. It was a very steep learning curve for me and those closest to me as I knew very little about bc prior to diagnosis.

At first it all seemed incredibly surreal, and to be honest it still does sometimes. I literally walked into the ‘one-stop clinic’ at 9.30 on a monday morning with my boyfriend, thinking I had a cyst. Then walked out a couple of hours later with bc!!! I felt so sh*t! I think I must’ve drank a bottle of wine in under an hour when I got home. Then you have to get yourself together and tell people. That was soooo hard, especially as everyone I rang said either ‘when’s the baby due’ or ‘when are you getting married’. If only I had been ringing with something as nice as that!!

I’m well into my treatment now. I started chemo in May and finished just over 2 weeks ago. I am due to start rads on Nov 5th and Tamoxifen on Nov 1st. After rads I am having a years worth of Herceptin. Phew!! They’re throwing everything at this litte bu**er and I am not complaning.

I wish you well as you start out on this journey. I hope your op goes ok and you have a very speedy recovery.

Take care and you know where we are if you need us,


Kelly, CB and Lesley

Thank you so much for your messages. I guess I just still feel numb and have had very little sleep since diagnosis. The fear of the future is what I find the hardest to get to grips with. Feel that I have lost the plot a little and do a lot of crying at the moment. I really do appreciate your messages as whilst my friends and family are all lovely and supportive they dont really understand some of the things I say and tell me not to worry about the silly things but I have reached the age of 45 as a fit and healthy woman and now am suddenly facing surgery and treatment etc and it is all a bit daunting and overwhelming.

I wish you all the very best recovery and hope that life is filled with lots of fun and joy in the future. xx

Dear Sharon,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. I believe that we are around the same age and like you I have never been ill in my life and have prided myself on being fit and healthy. 2 weeks before I was diagnosed i went trekking in Nepal and had the time of my life. It was the first time I had ever flown and it was to be the start of a new life for me. Although I have felt and sometimes still feel how you feel now, I had my surgery two days ago and am starting to plan for the future again, my bc nurse has told me to carry on planning for the trip to Tibet which I wanted to do in November 08 and although I am not sure what the future holds for me if I let go of it there would be no reason to get better. Sharon, no one knows what the future will bring whether we are ill or not. All I know is that we are in the hands of fantastic people and we need to give them all the help we can. Yes it is daunting and overwhelming but just take it one step at a time . Lin xxx

Hi, I was diagnosed last tuesday and have an op next wednesday. May seem fast but the waiting is really, really hard. I have been slightly calmed by all the contributions I have just read - I knew sunday morning would be bad for me, but I am very glad I have joined this forum. I think I am at the stage of not wanting to know too much but my husband is bombarding me with questions. I would never have believed how strong I am having to be for other people, everyone is watching me so closely!

Dear hazmar114

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care chat forums. I am pleased to read that you have found the forums helpful and you will recieve lots of support and advice from the many informed users of this site.

You may find our resource pack helpful to read as it has been designed for anyone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer, it contains information to help you to better understand your diagnosis and the treatments available. You can order a copy via the following link:

If you feel that it would help you to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment please feel free to give our helpline a call, the staff here are either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues so will have an understanding of what you are going through. The number is 0808 800 6000 the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Best wishes

Breast Cancer Care