The waiting is horrendous

Hi all

iv just joined and wanted to know if anyone else has experienced what I’m feeling right now.

so I noticed my left breast slighter larger in December (it’s always been a tiny bit bigger). Iv also had trouble with pain in arm/armpit since middle of last year which dr put down to carrying my daughter. That pain actually went end of last year till about 2 weeks ago.

however last 2 weeks discomfort is back really badly, went to dr Wednesday and she said she felt thickening at top of breast along with larger in size but prob hormones (I’m 38) so waiting for appointment. Since then I can’t stop prodding and have today felt a small pea shaped lump at top of breast.

Iv never been so sick with worry - iv got a private appt on 2.03 as nhs was not till 23rd!

iv told myself it’s def bc because what else would it be!? It’s too much like a coincidence to me….

im absolutely petrified and struggling to get through the days without thinking awful thoughts.

I hope someone relates…this wait is just horrific 


I’m sorry you’re having to face this but you’re in good company - most of us can empathise.

But we also know from experience that you cannot self-diagnose. Also, the compulsive prodding and poking makes things more sore so stop it! I didn’t have lumps, just two tiny bumpy freckles and every 10 minutes or so, I’d be peering down my jumper, glaring at them as if magically they’d go away! They don’t.

A pea sized lump could easily be a cyst. Most referrals turn out to be benign so there’s your answer to ‘what else could it be’? It could be a benign condition! Take some comfort from your doctor’s reaction - they do know what they are feeling for. I don’t know where you live but the NHS has a 2-week commitment to see referrals for breast cancer so your long wait, if you are in the UK, is inexcusable - unless your GP has indicated that breast cancer isn’t suspected?

Please stay off Google. Each woman and each condition are unique and Google doesn’t deal with this. Nor does it take emotion into consideration so you can end up terrified.

It’s good you’ve taken matters into your own hands. I did the same because my husband’s reaction made it clear I couldn’t wait. Use the time between now and then on your emotional wellbeing. Constant terrifying thoughts take their toll and you won’t know if you have breast cancer till you’re officially told. However, you may be told immediately that it’s a condition but not cancer. Do what makes you feel mindless - running, baking mindfulness, yoga, meditation… I always recommend the YouTube videos that got me through. A whole range (I prefer Progressive Hypnosis) is available. There are ones to help you breathe properly, how to relax, how to deal with anxiety, how to sleep… Be proactive on this to make the hard wait more bearable. It’s hard to focus at first but it pays off, building up some resilience you may need if you do get a bc diagnosis. (Btw, it’s not pleasant but it’s all manageable. 90% of early diagnoses have no recurrence).

Good luck. You’ll get plenty of advice here - do take it.

Jan xx

How did you get on at your appointment?