For the past couple of months I have experienced intermittent pain/discomfort on my right breast, and to be safe I went to have it checked, but was really thinking it was nothing. I was referred to a mammography (my first ever, about to turn 40 in the beginning of next year) and the results showed a small, round shadow and now I am due to for an ultrasound and a possibly biopsy. The kicker is that I need to wait for 2,5 weeks for the ultrasound even though the referral the healthcare provided did was urgent.
My head is all over the place and I find it almost impossible to focus on anything. On the other hand, I want to continue as normal and hope that work for instance takes a bit of my focus away from Dr. Google (whom I cannot resist) and all the forums. The absolutely worst part is that I have two little kids, 2 & 5 year-olds and we live as expats in a foreign country which means the support network is pretty scarce. My health has not been the best in the past couple of years (a chronic condition, nothing to do with breasts though) and my husband has had a heavy load to carry being my number one supporter. I feel guilty for the the current paralysed state I am in, but at the same time I cannot help the feeling of helplessness/sadness/being overwhelmed when I open my eyes and remember what is going on. I am also definitely guilty of worst case scenario thinking. However, my mum has had breast cancer (detected during a routine screening, no symptoms) that thankfully was very local and could be removed with surgery. She was 25 years older though than I am now at the time of her diagnosis. I have also watched another close person to me pass away after a very long and hard journey with BC.
I guess I am just writing here to have some outlet for my current feelings. Not knowing is the worst and every time I look at my kids I just feel like bursting into tears with the thought of them not having a mum growing up. Very dramatic I know, but so hard to avoid these thoughts.
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I think everyone on here will agree that the waiting time is the most difficult part of this. Once you know what you are dealing with, and have a treatment plan, you will hopefully feel a little better.
Please do try to keep away from Google. They don’t know you, and the information can be quite scary and out of date.
Others on here will have better advice on managing your thoughts. Lots of people use various mindfulness apps or forms of meditation. I sometimes actively say “stop it” and try to turn my thoughts away from the hole it is diving down.
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Thank you for your kind words. The whirlwind of emotions at the moment feels so overwhelming and I am sure it has been the same for everyone in the situation. At one moment I am thinking about our Christmas plans and my little kids’ excitement and the next second wondering whether I should just save all the money and focus on what potentially lies ahead. I am also considering seeking professional help already as I just cannot seem to shake the spiraling thoughts for more than a minute at the time.
Hi @flowers2023,
Welcome to the forum, we hope you find it a helpful and supportive place.
Please do have a look through the various boards and topics to find those going through similar experiences. Please know that our nurses are also here for you any time, here on the forum on Ask our Nurses your questions or over the phone 0808 800 6000.
This is a very supportive place, so please do ask any questions you may have.
Sending love,
Alice 
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Flowers I am so sorry to hear you are in this position. Waiting is horrendous, and 2 and a half weeks can feel like forever and the wait for results on top. I feel your pain. I found that wait for results so difficult , it’s hard to not let your mind go to dark places. I was diagnosed last week (I’m 42), now waiting for a treatment plan but every day feels like forever.
I think in your situation, living abroad and and having young children , speaking to someone professional to help you through this wait might be useful. Do you have a contact in the hospital that you can speak to? explain how this is affecting your mental health and can your appointment be brought forward. Also speak to the nurses here for advice and support. I found that got me through a day or 2 anyway. Also, remember you have not yet been diagnosed and hopefully there will be a positive result for you after further investigations.
I have to say since I have been diagnosed I am calmer and have stayed away from Dr. Google. I feel like I now know and I’m in the best hands. I obviously have a long road ahead of me and I’m sure I’ll fall apart at some point but I’m just taking it one day at a time.
Try to busy yourself with activities you enjoy, time with your children, exercise, mindfulness, yoga, podcasts.
Worst case scenario , if you do have cancer it’s very treatable and survival rates increasing all the time. Hopefully it won’t come to this. I wish you much love and positivity and hope the days are not too long. Do reach out. xxx hugs.
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