Think its just realy hit me
Think its just realy hit me Hi All, woke up this morning and felt fine, but slowly as the day has wore on i have felt myself go lower and lower, maybe its because i would normally be at work, so to occupy myself i got my overnight bag ready for friday, and that just succeeding in making me worse, but the worst thing was getting a card from a really really dear friend who’s husband has terminal cancer, offering me so much support even though she has her hands full already, i just sat and cried. i feel a bit isolated and lonely, even though i have a great family, and i knew that i would get days like this, but i didn’t expect them so soon, i’m not one for getting all emotional and i hate this feeling of self pity i seem to have for myself at the moment, i know i can ring people but i don’t want to feel stupid (and i know thats a daft thing to say, but thats how i am) anyway, anyone got any good jokes? i could certainly do with laughing right now
love
Alison
Hi Alison Hi Alison
I understand completely how you feel, I am feeling very low myself today. I think also hearing the news of your friends’ husband can even make you feel a bit lower.
I will think of a good joke to send you. Just do something today that you really love doing, and it won’t be long until you’ll feel much better.
It’s absolutaley normal to have ups and downs.
You have a loving family who would do anything for you. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
take care
someone who cares
thank you, one of the things i really loved doing was looking after my bee’s, after years of wanting to become a beekeeper i finally got my first hive full of bees two months ago, and now due to the fact that i’m going to have to be so careful about getting stung in my left arm i am going to have to sell my bees, plus the other three hives that i planned to fill this year. i think i feel more like this as well because since i found out last wednesday i’ve been so busy going to the hospital, spending all weekend out and about with my husband, and now i just seem to be quite alone during the day as hubby has to go to work and the kids are at school, that i now have time to really think about what i have and what i’m going to be going through and how i’m going to cope, i’ll be fine once i get out of self pity mode!!!
love
alison
Your friend has been there Hi Alsion
I think one of the hardest things about the days after diagnosis is adjusting to a new status…the one that says ‘cancer pateint’. And that is scary stuff. I’ve always found that the people who have helped me most are those who have direct experience of cancer like your friend. I too cried and still do when people offer and say just the right thing (and get aggravated and angry when others get it all wrong as they inevitably do sometimes.)
You will have awful days and scary days and joyful days and uplifting days. I don’t think your life will ever feel quite the same again…not for a while anyway…perhaps not ever, but you will certainly laugh again…though I can’t think of the right joke this minute.
Take good care. This is a hard disease…go wth the flow with how you feel…ther’s a lot of pressure to ‘be positive’ and that can sometimes feel worse than simply going with the misery on the bad days.
Jane
Hi Jane, how right you are, i’ve had a really really good life so far, not spoiled or rich, just very contented with what i have, and yes, i do feel that i need to be the strong one, even told my hubby off for crying and i know i shouldn’t have done that. i’m finding it very hard to let people in to my emotions as i have always been so strong in myself, now its like i have no control on my life, and i know i do really but its just hard trying to get the right balance, i really thought i was doing ok and today i just crumbled, the worst is knowing that i am going to have a lot of days when i will be on my own, and the ironic thing is, i used to love my own company, i’d get in from work and have two hours each afternoon to do what i wanted to do before the kids or the hubby got home, and that two hours was just enough, but due to the nature of the job i had, i won’t be able to go back, and its the time i’ll be on my own that are worrying me most. i think i need to swallow my pride a bit, but i don’t have an awful lot of friends due to not feeling that i needed them, and those i do have either have a young family or health problems of their own, its so hard to ask them to come and visit.
alison xxxxx
Hi Alison
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug!!!
The build up to the surgery and then the results is just the most awful part of this awful journey…for me it was worse than actually getting the results…i spent whole days sobbing and then would feel much better afterwards…
I too have a close friend whose mother whom i am close to and who had bc 2 years ago, has just been diagnosed with inoperable ovarian cancer…i was distraught when i heard…it made me so angry, she had been told for months she had ibs!!! It brought all the negative thoughts back to the surface…
my saving grace has been this site and even more so bcpals, where you can live chat and private message others…i have a couple of girls in the same position to me who i have spoken to at length on the phone which has really helped!!!
Trying to think of some jokes but not doing very well…on a funny note tho my 2 year old daughter has taken to pulling her knicks down and wiggling her bum when she doesnt get her own way…not so bad in your own home…but i am dreading her doing it in public!!! Goodness knows who she gets that from…must be her fathers side!!!
Kepp your chin up and let those emotions out…its all part of it as i have learnt over the last 4 months!!!
Lots of love and hugs
Anna xx
oh Anna thank you, and give your little girl a big hug off me for being so imaginative on the attention front!!!
love
Allison
My method of getting thru this might help you? Hi Alison
I too am on the Cancer rollercoaster at only 33. It’s hard to say I know how you are feeling because each of our background situations is different and the cancer we have is individual to each of us, so we all have different ways to deal with it. So best words I can say in an effort to make you smile is it’s a load of pants and we are all fighting the same thing and with a united front we can all beat this.
I’ve had a lumpectomy, but have to go for an axilliary clearance and more boob tissue out on 5 July. Then one of the many chemo cocktails, Radioterrortherapy and tamoxifen. I was gutted last week after getting my post op results and bawled my eyes out most of the week as I felt I had gone back to the week of my initial diagnosis and felt no further forward. Found it difficult to see any of my friends as I didn’t want them to see me so vulnerable when I’m normally a right clown and a strong person. I had also been very positive up until that point.
However, after much bawling, thinking, talking to my bloke and spending several hours watching Keifer Sutherland in the 6th Series of 24 and his military precision…I have decided sod this I’m taking back control.
Decided the way forward is a GI Jane/SAS Commando approach. I am putting together a chemo survival kit based on advice given in these forums and other stuff on the web and from things friends have spotted in the press. That way I’m in control and I will be well prepared when the chemo cocktail aftermath hits.
Some friends also made me some CD’s full of happy and daft tunes to pick me up when I feel low and believe me it works. Have also decided I’m not going to be afraid to show my emotions to my friends, they have already picked up I’m putting on a brave face and admire me for it. But bottling up emotions to stay strong doesn’t work it can stress you out as I’ve discovered.
So don’t know if my approach might help you but I feel I’m back on the positivity trail. The advice provided on these forums by other women is fantastic and I have learnt so much and you will too. It’s a fantastic support network and I’m forever grateful to everyone for sharing their experiences for the benefit of others.
So she who dares wins!
May the force be with you
GS:)
getting to grips hi Alison
I really feel for you having to give up your bees. I am licensed with the British Trust for Ornithologists to capture, ring/tag and generally work with swans. I worked really hard for this and have been told I will have to stop - the risks of infection from the birds and from working chest deep in rivers, ponds and lakes is too great. even when the chemo is done unfortuately can get pretty nasty scratches down my arms from them so there is the lymphodema risk It is my left arm and I’m left handed so really cannot afford to lose function.
It hit me last week - I should be out finding all my family groups, mapping nests etc. I had a big cry, it is the first time I have done this.
It is hard to take in. I guess it is a kind of bereavement your life will not ‘go back to normal’ and it is hard for people to understand this. However - we have a good chance of life and being able to do loads of other stuff, but it is damn hard sometimes.
Take care - love and cyber hugs Swanie
Hi Alison Hi Alison,
You are allowed to be self-pitying and weepy but it isn’t the time to be alone. Ask your friends to come round. See if your husband can have an extra day off work tomorrow. Go and do something that you enjoy. Get as many hugs as you can.
The operation isn’t one anyone would happily volunteer for but you’ll get through it and recover. Plan stuff for after the operation. I went for a lovely lunchtime meal with my husband at a restaurant the day before my mastectomy to take my mind off the impending operation and went again to the same place a mere seven days later. It did me a lot of good.
Best wishes,
Sue
Hi Sue, well i am going to the Healthy Living Day at Sheffield tomorrow, so i think that not only will i be away from home, but i will get to meet a lot of brave women who can give me advise and share their experiences with me, feeling a little better today, have been very fortuanate and its great to know how many people that care about me have been ringing and calling, i know i will get more days that will be more up than down, but i’ve had a chance to talk about how i feel and its working a bit for me
lots of love
Alison
Hi Alison! Hi Alison,
I guess you’ll be at the healthy living day right now. I hope it goes well and you find it a great comfort to meet others in the same boat. I haven’t been to one myself yet but would certainly hope to in the future, so I would be interested to hear what it was like. I have joined my local support group amd went for the first time a couple of weeks ago. It was great meeting the other ladies who are literally on my door step. It was especially nice to meet the ladies who are 10 or 20 years down the line and who look good and feel great.
I think we all have many down days, well I know I do! I seem to have this ability to cry at the slightest little thing these days and I’m sure I was never like that before! I had my 3rd chemo session yesterday and a few hours after I got home I said to my lovely boyfriend that I felt a bit miserable and I didn’t really know why. Next minute he comes over to give me a cuddle and I start bawling! Once I’d started i couln’t blooming stop!! His beloved newcastle united top was covered in mascara by the end of it! I find the time I spend alone is the worst. My mind goes into overdrive and I start thinking all sorts. I now try to limit the time I have to spend alone as I’ve come to conclusion that I’m just not in a place right now where I can enjoy my own company.
I hope all goes well for you tomorrow. I had a mastectomy in March and was amazed at how quick I was back on my feet again. Remember to do your exercises!! Take care and let us know how you get on,
Hugs,
Kelly
-x-
Hi Kelly, today was great, i learnt so much, and the women there are so brave and have inspired me so much, i felt a little tearful at times, people are so kind even when they aren’t well themselves, and as you said, the women who had had surgery years ago, well, they do look great and they give you so much real empathy and understanding, try to get onto one of these days Kelly, it really is good and you learn so much. Well, am going to have a quick mooch round the site, then try to get a good nights sleep for tomorrows op.
lots of love to you all
Alison
Diagnosed on Monday Hi All
I was referred after a routine mammogram and was told on Monday that I will need a mastectomy. To go from thinking nothing was wrong to this news was so shocking and I’m finding it very hard to cope. I feel sort of enfeebled and as hard as I try I can’t seem to get on with everyday life. Did anyone else feel the same and does it start to lift after a while? I feel a complete wimp but can’t shake myself out of it. I’m so glad I found this site.
For Maggie6 Hi Maggie6
I have started a new topic for you with your post, Diagnosed on Monday, so that it will be seen by more users.
Kind Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
Maggie6 - welcome but sorry you are here. There is life after BC and you will come to realise this. It is perfectly normal to feel as you do - I think we all did but once you start treatment and can see a light at the end of the tunnel you will feel better. Do keep coming back to this forum and let us know how you are getting on.