I was most unimpressed when I went for my first appointment with the BCN and found that she was wearing a low-cut blouse exposing lots of cleavage. Since I was there to view photographs of post-BC surgery results to reassure me of what I might look like afterwards, I found this amazingly tactless, inconsiderate, don’t know what the appropriate word is. OK it wasn’t the end of the world but with just a little thought she could have made me feel less upset.
Anyone else experienced similar thoughtless behaviour by the medical people?
I had exactly the same when I was first diagnosed. I was lying on the U/S table after a core biopsy and was obviously upset. They sent for a BCN and she arrived and sat beside me giving me a close up view of her cleavage. For some reason (LOL!),I never took to her and managed to change to another.My OH was not impressed either.
Hugs
Dot
xxx
Hmm, a tricksy question.
My surgeon is a lovely lady with a terrific figure, and she has worn clothes that show her shape when in her consultations. Similarly my BCN is a curvy lady, and so her figure shows when she wears normal clothes rather than nurse uniforms. But I would not even think twice that either of them was being insensitive in wearing normal clothes, and the way they did their actual jobs, rather than what they were wearing, was much more important. And they have been terrific, both when wearing regular clothes and when dressed in those dreadful scary blue scrubs.
I can definitely understand your sensitivity, and I did also notice the body shapes of my medical team, but I didn’t put it down to their thoughtless or lack of sensitivity, just to them wearing ordinary clothes, and I was able to see that I was particularly sensitive myself to anything “breast related” at such a stressful time. I’m sorry you felt bad though. It may be that you could mention that you did feel a bit upset when you next have a conversation with your BCN.
Seeing someone’s body shape through clothes is fine, whether close fitting or not, it was having near-naked boobs nearly shoved in my face that I thought was a bit out of order! Maybe I was being over-sensitive - but then it was a rather sensitive time for me and a BCN should know that.
It’s not quite the same thing I know but there’s a model on lots of the wig websites who seems to be deliberately showing off her perfect breasts in a very low cut blue t-shirt.
It upsets me every time I see her as obviously a lot of bc ladies will be trawling these sites to find something decent to put on their heads during chemo to avoid upsetting other people!!
Entirely uncalled for!
K xxx
Hi Cheshire Cheese- I certainly don’t think you were being over-sensitive.
I judge it as a sign of a ‘professional’ that you just don’t wear provocative clothing at work - especially if your job involves close contact with patients or clients - and even more especially if you are a BCN, oncologist , breast surgeon etc.
I think it shows a real lack of sensitivity and empathy (and lack of good manners!) - which are surely the foremost qualities expected of a BCN etc when she is at work. She can wear what she likes off duty but who wants close contact with another woman’s healthy breasts when you’re having to come to terms with cancer in your own?
Hi,
My Oncologist was a man who I saw most times but then one day I saw his Registrar. She was wearing a very beautiful top but it did show a great amount of cleavage and I have to admit to being upset. She may have been a lovely person but I could not relate to her at all. I mentioned to another member of staff that I thought it was most insensitive of anyone dealing with breast care to show so much cleavage. I later discovered that this had been explained to her and she had said that the thought that she would upset people had never occurred to her. Not the done thing in my opinion. We have enough to put up with.
E
Hi everyone,
I must say I agree, showing your figure is one thing, showing your cleavage is another - and not an acceptable other. When I first had my MX I was very “cleaveage sensitive”, like I was “baby sensitive” when I first discovered I couldn’t have kids myself - everywhere I looked seemed to be babies - with the MX it was the same, everywhere I looked for a while was cleavage…so we should be able to feel secure and understood in our hospitals/GP etc. Also I have a Muslim friend whose husband was really upset by same during a consultation - so lots of reasons for care workers to be more unsderstanding and careful.
Have to tell you all tho - 6 months after my MX my sister wore the lowest cut dress I have ever seen her wear to my 50th B’day party. I didn’t have the energy to complain -but I don’t think I can forgive her!
I think there’s a general trend towards wearing clothes that I would consider unsuitable for professional situations of all kinds which is possibly a part of the ‘let it all hang out’ culture. What once seemed obviously unsuitable for anything other than going to a party can now be seen on a newsreader, receptionist, doctor, nurse etc. and looks quite tame compared to the party clothes that are out there now.
I think it’s something that should be commented upon when people are trained, and at work when someone joins a dept. Aside from the insensitivity of flashing the cleavage, it’s not really conducive to being taken seriously. I agree that some people will be noticed whatever they wear, but low-cut tops, short skirts, flip-flops (as seen on an A&E doc recently!!) and little gypsy dresses are just all wrong in a medical environment in my view. Not to mention the prudence of covering any cracks where vomit and other body fluids might become lodged…
If I were you I would say something either to the bcn or to the head of the team. It’s a valid point.
Hi ladies,
at a time when you feel at your lowest i do believe you are hyper sensitive to breasts, i know i certainly have found it more difficult
since the weather has turned warmer, boobs everywhere, i carnt remember being as bothered about boobs last year!
However bcn’s should know better there is quite a difference between tight figure hugging clothes and bare cleavage and breasts,
its quite frankly, in my opinion the last thing you need to see,
Liz xxxx
If you don’t want to speak directly, would it help if you wrote a letter? Not quite sure who you would write too though, is there a team leader for your BCN that you could write to? Or perhaps your consultant, so your concerns can be raised and addressed? It doesn’t need to be a “letter of complaint”, just a communication letting them know what’s happened and how you feel about it, and what they can do to improve things.
If you write a letter rather than just blurt things oug you can take a bit of time to get the tone of the letter right, and get the point across that you want to communicate without feeling bad or upset again, as you might if you have to do it face to face.
In any professional environment I have worked in there is a dress code that is appropriate for the working environment. In an office it is usually “smart casual” at the most relaxed, and that is what I would expect as the minimum for a hospital environment. I think bubbletrouble hit the nail on the head, that there is a decline in standards of dress generally, and you seem to have been on the sharp end of the results of the decline in standards. Staff should be aware of the needs and sensitivities of the patients they are working with, so by writing a letter you are not having a go but are raising awareness of something that might have just not figured on their radar. You won’t be seen as a moaning minny, particularly if you express your letter stating your concerns and making practical suggestions regarding how they can improve matters.
Hi All
Thanks to ChoccieMuffin for the suggestion, writing a letter is a good idea, much easier to stay calm and rational in writing rather than getting all upset and emotional (another Tamoxifen tablet for anyone?!) in person. I think the consultant is perhaps the right person to address, since she is the one who was so keen that I should see this particular BCN in the first place.
Thanks also to bubbletrouble for the comments about the general trend towards unprofessional clothing being worn at work. I’m often amazed by what some people consider suitable, in particular this business of having one’s boobs out on display. Fair enough if out for the evening, but in an engineering consultancy office?? Not fair on other people, they have to work so hard at averting their eyes, particularly the blokes for fear of being sexist or worse! I know it’s the fashion but I think a certain degree of decorum should be required in the office. Probably makes me old-fashioned, or maybe just old.
Sarah x
You could also speak to PALS at your hospital maybe? Perhaps you could lodge a complaint anonymously/ informally if you feel uncomfrtable complaining directly? It’s a difficult one as I’m sure yu don’t want to upset the team in charge of your care. BUT you do have a valid grievance- I too would have been upset by your bcn’s insensitivity + lack of professionalism, and I think she should be made aware of how it’s made you (and probably lots of others too) feel.
I think her line manager is ultimately responsible as he/she should ensure their staff present themselves in a professional manner. I’m a teacher + my head teacher is very strict on this. Staff have been pulled about hem + neck lines, bare shoulders etc. Even in hot weather it is totally forbidden. I think this is the rght way to be- even moreso in a breast clinc, where women are in trauma about losing breast/s etc. Unbelievable!!
(((Hugs)))
tina x
HI CC,
I mentioned your experience to my OH who works in cancer treatment and she was appalled, and said definitely send a letter of comment to nurse manager or ask the consultant to deal with it. She also said she thought other people working with the BCN should have spoken to her about it and shame they hadn’t so perhaps you can mention that too. Totally agree about general dress standards.
bw Nicola
As an ex-nurse, I think a nurse showing cleavage is totally inappropriate and unprofessional whether she’s a BCN or other type of nurse. I do wonder if this nurse and Moorcow, your sister - are in some way trying to reassure themselves as they may be terrified of losing their own breasts.
You would hope that a nurse would have empathy. If she doesn’t, then she needs to be told straight that it is upsetting so she can modify her dress.
Elinda x
Thanks for your kind thoughts re my sis Elinda, I think you may well be right. N
Thanks for all your replies, at least now I know it wasn’t just me being super-sensitive, which is reassuring.
Sarah x
where i work we have a dress code that you shouldnt wear anything revealing or that could offend, however it obviously isnt implemented everywhere as dotchas also is in the same health board and has experienced the opposite… the policy is meant to be adhered to by everybody regardless of whether you work in a lab and never see patient to those with regular patient contact… i never wear anything revealing at work sometimes worry if my tattoos and radiotherapy patch can be seen as it comes so high up on my chest.
i think not considering your appearance is not a valid excuse… that just shows how poor your judgement is and as a highly skilled health professional judgement is everything.
Lx
Hi not a thoughtless BCN. But as a senior nurse working in a non-clinical setting within a team of 3 was even more distressed to-day when one colleague came in with even more cleavage showing ( honestly think navel)than usual. Had spoken to a lovely friend/ex-colleague and she pointed out too that there was a distinct possibility that there was a need to demonstrate having boobs and not being vulnerable to BC, doesn’t help though does it? Was still v.v. upset And although we do not have face to face contact with patients this is still professionally inappropriate Jxx
Just because you don’t have contact with patients (or in any other work environment with clients or customers) there is still the general expectation that people wear appropriate business dress, which does NOT include flashing your navel, or even vast amounts of cleavage. Or wearing flipflops or ripped trainers. Or what could be called “provocative” clothing. In fact, wearing provocative clothing could be taken as sexual harrassment (never could spell that word) so the person flashing her boobs should be given a quiet but serious talking to by HR.