I have been reading posts in recent weeks and it almost feels like ‘getting to know’ people.
I have taken a pretty solitary path with my BC experience, but I am willing to write it out here, because it might help others, in some way.
Aged 62, beginning of March I find a lump in the upper outer quadrant of the right boob. That can’t be right, I think, I’d spent the last 2 years getting my weight where I wanted it ( wasn’t obese, but lost a stone slowly and steadily through lots of walking ), am vegetarian for some time and vegan as much as possible, generally healthy, no BC in the family . . . . so I keep quiet, and get an urgent appointment with my lovely GP who isn’t happy about The Lump, and we quickly opt for the ‘within 14 days’ one stop shop. Within the week,there I am at 8.30 in the morning, thinking we’ll just get this sorted then.
Now I have to explain a bit about me. I would always describe myself as a bit of a fatalist. I don’t go looking for trouble ( hence never took up mammogram offer previously) and because I’ve always had good health, I was planning ( as if ) to depart this earth one day, in tact, and of something rather obtuse and quick !!!
So, first door is the consultant who does visual check and the touchy-feely check - he’s not happy, and also comments on a lymph node involvement ( which I had thought I too could feel ). Then waiting for the mammogram. ( Gotta say, you wouldn’t rush forward for a mammogram would you, flipping heck, never though it possible to squash so little so flat!! ). Back to seat. Summons again, further mammogram to check on something . . . .
So now we are moving down to the ultrasound room for needle biopsies of lump and lymph node. At this point, I am lying there thinking this is not how things were supposed to go, and maybe I’ll just leave and go home . . . .
After all that pushing and pulling and biopsying, I wait. Four hours after arriving I find myself back in with the consultant for him to tell me that yes, a cancerous lump and cancer in the lymph node.
Down came the defences. Sob. ‘My children ( all in 20’s and 30’s ) will be distraught!!’ Sob.
I ended up feeling quite sorry for the consultant as I went from calm to sobs in a split second. Total shock.
So I leave with info and BCC ringbinder with info - thinking this just can’t be right?? Me??
And so began the letters and phone calls and the strange world that I had absolutely no plans to enter or be part of . . . . no sooner had I got this news, and info came at me thick and fast ( which in essence is very good, but at the time, I was thinking, hey hang on, I’ve only just been told this, give me a chance. . . . .)
To curtail this epic - my results 12 days later clarified Grade 3, staging between 1 and 2 I think, invasive ductal 2.2cm, also in the lymph node. HER2 inconclusive, oestrogen very positive (8). CT scan and bone scan clear.
I refused chemo from the off. It’s personal, I feel at my age I was prepared to take my chances, and I have a huge issue about chemo, but I take my hat off to all who embrace it and go there. My obvious attitude (described by the consultant as ‘actively participating in decisions’ ) meant that a whole question was deleted, but I knew they were kicking it around as a first port of call. Appointment with the oncologist, and the sheets of paper describing chemo treatment that came with that discussion, did nothing to change my mind.
So back to the consultant and surgeon, sign on the dotted line, and on May 10 I had WLE and axillary clearance ( 11 nodes removed, one showed positive, the rest clear ). I did not have good margins, I am not ‘well endowed’ and one marging was 0.5mm and the other description was ‘present at anterior margin’ as there was no further tissue to be taken.
Earlier this week, I completed the 20 days of radiotherapy. I have been taking Letrozole for about 6 - 7 weeks now. I have refused bisphosophonates because the radiotherapy consultant explained to me that it is implicated in ‘jaw necrosis’ - and at my age, with my dodgy teeth, well I just wasn’t prepared to risk feeling better with stronger bones but toothless !! My bone scan said a bit low density.
I told the kids and husband about 2 or 3 weeks before the surgery. Never had anaesthetic before, totally terrified, but cannot fault this London hospital at any stage - so glad I said to my gp ’ if it was you, where would you go? ’
Some s/effects currently with the radiotherapy, but the treatment itself was a breeze, again lovely staff.
So I just thought I would write this as I am aware that I am a bit of an anomaly, in ‘self-prescribing’. I will say that when I gave my final refusal for chemo, the specialist nurse had a chat with me - and I said I was aware that I was an ‘oddball’ but I truly did appreciate everything that was being done for me. She said 'not at all - if you changed your mind the door isn’t closed to you - and currently 50% of the women I have seen have refused chemo '.
Some people will probably think I am a bit crazy, playing with my life in this way - but at this age, it truly was about quality of life for me, and my kids all understood and supported that. And I will have to take the consequences on the chin, and I understand that.
I don’t really know if I’ve done right or wrong explaining about me - but if it helps just one person . . . .
Hugs all x