Has anybody else felt slightly silly and avoided ringing the BCN to say I’m a bit scared of going out by my self!! I’m 46 and had my WLE and SNB on 16th August. I’ve always considered myself to be quite independent and generally a strong minded individual. It’s like I’m having an argument with myself “what the heck is wrong with you woman, why can’t you go for a walk round the block and get a bit of fresh air” versus “what if somebody bumps into you and it hurts, what if you feel faint and nobody picks you up as they think you’re a drunk in the street, what if somebody sees you as being a vulnerable target… and on and on”!! Thank goodness for friends and family who have basically been babysitting me for the last couple of weeks while I’ve been on the emotional rollercoaster, any info of when the ride stops would be gratefully received
Also, loving this site, just to know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know everything!!!
Hello there - your post resonated with me - when I was having my chemo - a year ago now- I really felt like I didn’t want to be left alone, even at home, and then when I did go out it was only to places i felt really sure about - like my friend’s cafe. But you know what thats fine - its just our way of coping with the enormous changes we have had to face and we are just hunkering down and conserving energy for the adjustment to our new situation and the physical stuff we have to deal with. I promise with me it gradually receeded and now I’m bobbing about all over the country again (for work!!). Not sure I’m up to some of the things I used to do , like travelling to out of the way places for fun but still, normal life is resumed.
Be kind to yourself…best Nicola
I’m a couple of weeks ahead of you, I had my WLE and SNB on 2nd August and am still a little concerned in town in case someone bumps into me. I managed to get myself into a bit of a state over the weekend and found the courage to ring the bcn today (first time apart from checking an appointment time lol) and she rang back about half an hour ago, it made me feel much better and she confirmed that what I was feeling was quite normal. There were a couple of things I have realised that I forgot to ask and you know what - I can ring her again. I’m still on the emotional roller coaster but do feel that the ups and downs are coming a bit closer together every day
hello simone… feeling a little down at the moment i bet… well the rollercoaster ride has begun… and it takes a while for it to slow down… its very early days for you… firstly your diagnosed… then all systems go you hardly have time to gather your thoughts… and now the start of the healing process… it all takes it out of you hun… both physically and mentally… dont be hard on yourself… i myself was always on the go , fetching carrying running round for other people, i hardley had any time for myself… now… i am 1 year ahead of you… and life has changed in so many ways…friends i thought were true friends i no longer see… people i never dreamed would be there for me were… and still are… things that used to really bother me… i couldent give a dam anymore… it dont matter if the windows are smeared… or the floors need a vaccume… and there is always the chippy if i dont fancy cooking… i too got stressed out at the thought of going out again after surgery… i dont know why, maybe its fear of bumping in to someone… falling over… or seeing someone who may ask how you are… im not sure… maybe its just our emotions… take things slowly… why rush… if you fancy going out, like you did before cancer… did you fall over then ? did you constantly bump in to things or people ? probably not… your emotions are shot… but logically speaking… you have been through the mill… and it has to have some effect… why not do as i did… ask a friend or relative to accompany you on your first venture, just a trip to the local shop… when you have done it a few times with someone it will be easier to try it alone… life as you knew it has changed…eventually things will settle down and some form of normality will resume… 12 months on … im doing much better… im back at work, im stronger in myself (some days)… im in tears others… i have a zero level of tollerance now… some days im bitch from hell … others im me again… swings and roundabouts… its all part of the rollercoaster… its a learning curve… you have to learn how to live again … and you will take your time xxx angie
Have you had your test results then or are you still waiting?? If you are still waiting then any behavior is completely normal. You have just have your world rocked by discovering you have cancer and going through surgery and you cannot blame your brain for not believing that its the nice cosy place it was before you started all this.
We all react differently. But even when we think we are being “positive” and in control our mind can sneak up on us and make us feel like a martian or something.
Also its only a couple of weeks since your op, your body still has some recovering to do which could be making you feel a bit vulnerable.
I had my op in June and am in my last week of rads and it was only a few weeks ago that I suddenly realised that i was not thinking about cancer 24/7. So the rollercoster does stop. I think it starts to slow down when you get all your results in and your treatment planned, but even then its a while before you actually get off. But at least you can see the end.
Slow down and be good to yourself and dont expect too much of your mind or body–its still early days
Thank you for all the words of support, advice and guidance, very much appreciated. Get my results this Friday, I think once I receive those and the way forward I’ll feel a bit better, I’m rubbish without a plan of action! Will do my best to ease up on myself and listen to my body a bit more!!! Best wishes to all xxx
I completely understand where you are coming from. I had my second WLE last week and went back to work today. I have been really worried about bumping into people and have been worried about my colleagues thinking I’m being selfish for not wanting to do the brew round! Speak to your BCN. Mine has been great. I’m just waiting for the results now which should come next week. Good luck hun x
Thanks Lizzy, really reassuring to know that I’m not completely losing it, and what I appear to be going through, so many have sadly been before me, but this is a massive help for my mind!!! I don’t feel too bad sending the BCN a txt, that way I don’t feel like I’m being such a worry wort, where would we be without our mobiles!!!
good luck with your results xxx
Hi Simone
first rules for me are work with your body and your instincts (gut) and be kind to yourself - ask yourself what you would say to your best friend in these circumstances, thats a pretty good indicator, I think.
If it continues, you can get access to counselling/psychology service and thats a big help. Mine was accessed via bcn and has been more help than I can say.
go gently, hon, and be understanding of your body and mind which have been through, and are going through the wringer
love, mon
Thank you to all who posted on my little outburst. Just got my results and have got clear margins, so no more surgery required, just tablets and radiotherapy, dare I be optimistic and give myself a bit of a high 5, and a teensy woohoo!!!
high 5 … great news… now have a few big breaths… in … out… in … out … cup of coffee and a nice big… …no massive cream cake as a treat… HIGH 5 WHOO WHOOP xxx
Angie, thank you, headed straight to starbucks after results for the biggest cappucino ever and going to bake myself a great big batch of chocolate cupcakes!!
Sunshine 1, I’ve got everything crossed for you, good luck xxx
not smug to me, just very encouraging. I know everybody reacts differently but I’ve never been ill, just the odd sniffle and only 5 spots when I had chicken pox as a kid, so this is all very new to me. Like you ethlydsyl I don’t want to sound smug either, but I really am clueless and that’s why I love this site for how encouraging and helpful people are, it’s been a massive source of guidance and comfort for me, thank you all xxx
I too am joining you on the smugness bench. Just done 16 out of 16 and am ok to. I have nerve pain inisde the breast but it is going, so thats just a few days of that–other than that no tiredness or sore skin (although there is time for that to develop) All I have used is emu oil–much to the radiation teams amusement.