TNBC, fertility and anxiety

Hi all! I was diagnosed with TNBC on 5th December and I’m due to start fertility tomorrow morning to harvest eggs, then chemo at the start of Feb. I’ve no idea if I want kids as I’ve just turned 30 and it’s not something I was planning yet, if at all, but I’ve been told I might ‘miss my window’ if I don’t go down that route now. I just keep getting this awful sinking feeling that the delay to start chemo to go through fertility could change how things are with my cancer and that it may spread in that time. My MRI/CT that was done the week after diagnosis did show that it had spread past where the original ultrasound had picked up and it’s in my lymph nodes too and I’m scared that by the time I get to oncology it will have spread more. I spoke with one of the breast nurses today who said they’re not worried about waiting but they wouldn’t delay it anymore than it is, but I still can’t get over feeling like I’m making a mistake. I’ve noticed this evening that the cancerous lumps are now visible and my anxiety is through the roof has anyone else gone through the fertility process? And is it normal to be in constant fear that your cancer is spreading? I feel like everything is completely out of my control at the moment and any advice or reassurance would be much appreciated!

First of all it’s perfectly normal to fear your cancer is spreading in the delay to first treatment. We all go through it. We’re normally wrong. Also, statistically speaking a 90 day wait to treatment doesn’t usually affect survival rates. And triple negative normally has a great response to chemo so there’s that. So I guess before dispensing any advice I would want to know if they could move up chemo if you decided you wanted to go into it right away. What’s the soonest you could start? Secondly do they know that you can now visibly see your lumps? That this is a change? And I would advise running that through an oncologist and not just a breast nurse if you can and see what they advise as a result. I mean if you are not sure you even want kids, I don’t know if the fertility treatment is worth the time. Yes you might run the risk of regretting that decision but there are other ways of building a family. Or your fertility might not be destroyed. If you can start your treatment right away and the thought of that brings you some peace then I would go with whatever brings you the most peace right now. I am so sorry you are going through this though. I know it’s anguish and I wish I could think of something to make it better. The only thing I can think to say is go with your gut.