halfway through taxotere for lung secondaries and one year after bone secondaries and five years after primary. Still working through chemo (just) with one week off and two weeks at work. Today the oncologist said i probably had a couple of years at most. I love my job as a teacher but find it very physically tiring and worry it saps my energy and leaves me too tired to properly engage with hubby and 3 kids aged ten to fourteen. Shold I devote my remaining years to myself and my family as nobody ever on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at work? I really go around in circles with this one and would appreciate other people’s views and thier decisions and experiences re finally quitting. I am 45 and still can’t quite believe I am in this position.
Hi
You’re doing so well continuing to work in such an exhausting, but (I expect) satisfying job. Is there any way you could cut back on your hours if you still want to work? Otherwise can you get early retirement on the grounds of ill health so that you can enjoy life with the safety net of a pension if you do stop working? I expect it will depend on how you would like to fill your hours if you stopped work completely. As hubby and kids would be out most of the day you would not have them around but would have more energy for weekends and evenings. Personally I can fill whole days doing nothing at all Plus there’s no guilt now! I hope your onc is proved wrong, as they are so many times, and you have much longer than 2 years. Also if you did give up work that you do now is there any way you could do some voluntary work to keep busy or even work at the same school?
Sorry I can’t be of more help, I guess the decision will be up to you and your particular circumstances financially as well as physically. One thought is that, God forbid, you do only have 2 years left, how would you like to spend it, given no restraints? Maybe that will focus the mind?
Take care and hope chemo isn’t being too harsh on you.
Nicky
Hi
I decided not to work after secondary diagnosis. Coming up to 5 years and for me it was the right decision. I t has given the freedom to do other things. We had only lived in Cornwall a couple of years and had left family back up north being tied to a job would have meant couldn’t just please myself and go for long weekends to visit my daughters.
I do admire all those women who work through chemo. Good luck with your decision.
Love Debsxxx
I loved my job but decided to retire after bone mets were diadnosed (I’m 53)and I didnt want to be cheated out of my retirement years so I decided to have them early.
I love being able to do what I want when I want and I dont feel guilty if I decide to do nothing.
I really admire you for working through chemo, I couldnt have done that last year when I was on tax.
Ive cut down my working hours (with adults with learning disabilities) and now enjoying the time I have to myself although the guilt trip lasted a while. My energy levels have dropped though and Im waiting on Spring and (hopefully) more warmer weather. I see so much more now and see the joy of life.
Its a hard decision and difficult to find a balance in life with work and a family but I am sure you will find the right decision for yourself.
God bless and thinking of you
Margaret
I retired through ill health October 2007 after being off sick during and following docetaxel chemo. I had worked through 2 other chemos following primary dx and recurrence but found the docetaxel after secondaries too exhausting and with severe side effects.
I was off sick initially and I found I just was not well enough to go back to work - I have some good days but would not be able to meet the deadlines I needed to commit to.
I did work for about 9 years through primary and recurrence of the bc so in a way I felt I had ‘done my time’…
If you are feeling ill I would recommend taking sick leave initially and postponing any long term decision.
Hi Rosdubh
I appreciate your dilemma having gone through the same thought process myself. I agree with Lottie about not taking a decision too hastily - especially half way through taxotere which is very sapping. You are doing amazingly well to be holding down such a demanding job while going through chemo - but why not take some sick leave and see how it feels. Assuming the financial pressure to work is not overwhelming, the main question - which only you can answer - is do you enjoy it? I went back to work after chemo and carried on as if nothing had happened then realised after about 6 months that I just didn’t want to work that hard so have switched to a less stressful role 4 days a week. On the other hand I know that as things stand, if I were home all day I’d be bored and impossible to live with.
Incidentally I’ve just tripped over an Inland Revenue rule about commuting pensions which might prove interesting to anyone thinking about retiring on ill health grounds (or even just retiring). Apparently if a Dr certifies that you have a life expectancy of less than 12 months you can commute the whole of your pension pot tax free, not just the % allowed under normal rules. I don’t know how they interpret the life expectancy rule - if it works the same way as DLA we’d all qualify even if quite fit and well at present. Of course this leaves nothing in the pot for a spouse’s pension so needs careful consideration, but useful to know.
I got the info from the Inland Revenue website and the reference number of the document explaining the situation is RPSM09104610.
Good luck Rosdubh and don’t give up hope. My onc talked about 9 months to a year. That was two years ago and I’m still fit and active. Basically, no-one knows.
Hi Rosedubh - tricky this. You love your job - but are too tired for your family. I assume you work full time Do you? In which case the best way through is to drop some hours. The best of both worlds.
I left my job - lecturing - couldn’t really keep up anymore, could do a bit - and still do - here and there, but found my energy level and indeed my stress level very low, could no longer cope with the things i had previously done easily7 The other problem is what are you going to do if you chuck your job in - wait around to die? I discovered that of course most of my friends worked, no playmates during the day. Well hardly any. Them great thing is that i’ve taken up things i would never have had the time to do, like sketching for instance, neeting people for dog walking and lunch, and a lot of it sleeping.
It’s important not to give up work and then collapse into a void, make sure you have an idea of what you are going to do with this new found free time.
Hard decision and i wish you well - important thing is remembering that your health comes first.
Hard one. I took early retirement on health grounds from teaching (in University) when I was 56…at that time had primary diagnosis with poor prognosis and as I was near retirment age anyway I decided I wanted to have some ‘retirement’ early as I was likely to die younger than I’d expected.
My work was a very big part of my identity but I have never regretted taking retirement though I only got about 2 years before regional recurrence. I have no problem filling my time…perhaps being older its because I do have other retired friends who like lunching out, visits to galleries, daytime cinema etc.
But I’d say take your time to decide and as someone else suggested take some time off sick first…might as well take advantage of the generous sick pay teachers have. Also take good advice…the rules on teachers’ pensions have changed since I got it…now if you get early retirement with enhancement of up to 6+ years you are not allowed to work in ANY capacity ever again. You can take early retirement without enhancement and then work elsewhere but not in teaching. (When I got retired I was allowed to have enhancement and work…and did so part time on a teachers’ helpline until continuing chemotherapy and a damaged voice made that impossible.
I’m not sitting around waiting to die…when I’m well I have great days…no problems filling them. I had worked in teaching for years and get a good pension plus DLA and plus soon when I’m 60 my state pension so I’m lucky as so many others aren’t with this disease to be very comfortable financially.
Another thing you could chcek on the pension is whether you might be able to capitalise the monthly payment…too complicated to explain but can be an advantage if you expect to die soonish. Also check out death in service benefits and whether they might be more bneficial to your family than taking retirement now.
Hi,
I’m a BC sister in the same quandry.
45, plenty of mets around the place, could retire but can’t decide!
Scared of void and work is extremely supportive. Like you Celeste, can’t quite ‘get into it’ yet enjoy it and feel guilty for slacking.
On the flip side, would like a dog, sunny days out in garden or on beach instead of at work, to do more exercise/less sitting on bottom, time with my friends and family. Also, starting hobbies like painting and tai chi (even may go back to guitar lessons- hopeless!).
Ho di hum… I’ll keep an eye on this thread for more pearls of wisdom. If only I had a crystal ball…
I have no answers at all for this one, Rosdubh (and Anne), as I have spent most of my time since my secondary dx in May 2007 debating it with myself (and whoever else will listen). When work is going well and there is not too much pressure, I know that carrying on working is right for me. However in recent months, there has been a lot of pressure perhaps as people almost seem to have forgotten that I have advanced cancer and am on chemo - am on xeloda indefinitely. It’s not that they intend to pressure but just part of the job and I am no longer being “protected” from some of it. I’m a speech and language therapist working for the NHS with preschool children in a specialist Nursery and also coordinator for the clinic and early years service. So pretty much under resourced, but in huge demand and with families who are extremely anxious a lot of the time.
I am making decisions in terms of trying to change what I do and work up to reducing to 3 days a week. That can’t happen though until my actual work load reduces - otherwise I’m in an even worse mess!
My current plan is to reduce my days when I can (and am working with my boss on this to reduce my workload) but keep working for at least the time xeloda continues to be effective for me. WHen it fails, I will think again.
DOn’t know whether any of this is helpful to you. As others have said, can only advise taking sick leave if you need to at the moment and then evaluating the situation once you are through chemo. Getting that balance between home and work is crucial - I haven’t got it at the moment and it sounds as if you haven’t either if you are feeling you are too tired to do things with your family as you would want. However once you make that decision to take ill health retirement, there is no going back, so it’s really important that you (and I!) feel it is indeed the right way forward. I certainly am not ready yet to do that but you may be - it has to be your decision.
Hope you can come to some sort of decision even if it is only to put off making a decision for the time being!
Been thinking, mainly about Rosdubh.
My onc hasn’t given me how much time left sort of thing (other than aiming for a few years until therapies run out) but I did promise myself I would quit when there was any progression. Well, there was progression and I changed drugs but now I’m not sure about quitting again because I hope this therapy will keep me going for a while yet. So, I go on, from day to day, month to month but I do try and have times for review, around every 3 months. As Kay123 said, my decision so far has been not to come to any decision!
Rosdubh, all I can say is that if I was struggling a bit with fatigue etc and if the onc had given me at most 2 years, then to be honest, I would either cut my hours drastically or I would quit. It’s a toughie for all of us and really, I have no right to suggest what you should do. I just know what I would/will do. All the advice on here is great and very practical and knowledgeable posts. Personally, I thank you all for your views and hopefully they will help us indecisive ladies come up with the answer that suits us.
Anne xxx
Well Anneth, if I’m honest my dog has been a key factor in maintaining my wellbeing, she ensures that I go out walking every day - which is always good, and she is great company. Above all she is not critical, or expensive like some teenagers i could mention!
Hi, I too was a teacher and initially worked after the secondaries diagnosis (bone mets) but decided to pack it in after progression to lymph nodes.
I miss teaching so much. I had a ball. Never a day without something to laugh at and people to laugh with. And the kids were brilliant.
But I am glad I gave up when I did. I just wouldn’t have the energy for it, I know.
I too have kids - 10, 16 and 17. It’s been great to be able to spend some time with them. We don’t go particularly out of our way to do big things, but just being able to bake some biscuits this morning with the little one instead of marking books is great. And I have been able to take my eldest out driving as she gets ready for her driving test, visit possible universities with her and just generally be so much more available to the kids than I was before.
My weeks have fallen into a steady rhythm and I certainly never feel at a loss for things to do. But how I wish I could even do a little bit of teaching because I did find it so rewarding. Unfortunately, as Jane says, the rules say that if you retire with the enhanced benefits you cannot do any paid work ever again.
You obviously don’t have to make any decisions yet. In fact, if you do find yourself feeling tired out, you could take a period of sick leave and see whether being at home not working drives you mad, or frees you up. That could inform whether you decide to take early retirement right now or not.
Was diagnosed in July 07 with stage 3, grade 3 but had gone to bones and was in lymph glands when they removed them at time of mx. Tried to go back to work on a staged basis in Aug 08 but couldn’t cope. After loads of deliberation and discussions with medical people, HR, manager and the union, I asked to be considered for retirement on ill-health grounds last Oct, hoping for partial retirement at best. It took a long time and I found it really stressful but a couple of weeks ago I was told I had been granted full retirement, meaning they enhance my pension and I can’t take paid work again.
I’m beginning to get used to the idea now but have had very mixed emotions and it’s not been the easy decision people would expect it to be especially having worked for the company for 19 yrs. I don’t have kids and my friends are through work and all work full time so, like others have said here, it’s how do I fill my days. I’ve decided to take it slowly and not do anything rash but the chance for my OH and me to nip off on hols at the drop of a hat sounds very attractive !! Just think I’ve been very lucky to be able to have this opportunity.
At the end of the day, you must do what you think is right for your own circumstances and consider all options and take your time. The sick leave bit mentioned on here may be a good option. I also had to remember that by applying, I couldn’t change my mind if it was granted as the pension fund doctors think you are too ill to work - but that is my scheme.
Many thanks for all your comments, I knew you would have lots of thoughts and ideas.
I reduced my hours by half today as an interim measureand will finish reluctantly at Easter. Now feel a wait has been lifted from me so guess it must have been the right option. I have never paid into a pension amazingly so when I go I will get nothing and have already reduced my salary by half. Sometimes though there are more important things than money and am lucky enough to have have a working husband.
Will keep you updated on my thoughts and whether I have made the right decision.
Hi
Bringing this back up.
Nice weather and feeling good makes me think that I should retire and make the most. Trouble is, not working is tied in with making a geographical move.
I have no ties to keep me where I am, no kids in school etc so I could go anywhere. So I could move back closer to my family and to a network of very good old friends. I would also be closer to my elderly mother. I even sold my house last year and am now renting a flat with no garden! I have a great companion who has even suggested he would move to be near or with me. I could even maintain links with work and come back once in a while to do what interests me, unpaid of course.
So, why am I not jumping at this chance? What’s my problem?
Is it because I enjoy my work (even though it keeps me inside and I can’t do it as I would like any more because I should be able to plan for years in it)? Is it because I have good faith in my oncology team and am wary of changing them?
I know none of you can answer any of my questions but I’m scared that while I spend all this time trying to work it out, I could deteriorate and life could pass me by. Equally, I could be retired and feeling great for years. Do I leave my decision til I feel worse? I was going to review at regular intervals but…
Oh…what to do?! My problem is that I feel so well on the whole, I can’t believe that I am so unhealthy! And at 45, I feel too young. I could have a really lovely quality of life, living close to hills and the sea. What is wrong with me?! Maybe the decisions to quit work, move and go back to my old roots altogether are too scary and just too big. Yet I know that retiring and staying around here just wouldn’t make sense.
I’m off on my hols for a week next week but in the meantime, any pearls of wisdom out there? Does anyone wish they’d quit sooner rather than later or vice versa?
Dear all,
I am in the process of applying for early retirement at the age of 39, and have been off sick since before Christmas. It ahs been a really difficult decision, but I think the right one for me, as although my lung mets have progressed slightly ( diag 2 years ago), I feel much better than when I was working. I am having pano lessons, walk our very energetic puppy for an hour every day, and have some energy to spend quality time with my son when he gets home from school.I have explained to him that I am not going back to work and he is pleased bacause he won’t have to go to after school club.
I am also apllying to do a few hours of voluntary work as it still feels inportant for me to use my skills and experience in some capacity. My husband mentioned the other day that I seem much happier, and on the whole, I am now I’ve made the decision.
Plus there’s no guilt now! I hope your onc is proved wrong, as they are so many times, and you have much longer than 2 years. Also if you did give up work that you do now is there any way you could do some voluntary work to keep busy or even work at the same school?