Today I cried and cried and cried

I am two weeks post-mastectomy and have had a very unsatisfactory appointment with a surgeon I have never met before regarding further treatment (if any).  How can I make an intelligent decision when I can’t think straight.  I feel I have done so well so far, taken the Letrozole, done the exercises, taken the walks, gotten plenty of rest, ticked all the boxes,…ya-di-ya….  Yet today I am a weeping mess

Did/does anyone else feel like this? 

Lacewing Please be kind to yourself There are no right or wrongs you just have to try and take it a step at a time It is like being sucked up into the eye of a hurricane and thrown around Please phone the number on here and speak to a nurse, also your bc nurse you should have been assigned please ring them too Others will be along to offer And :two_women_holding_hands: on here too Please remember you are doing amazing bevel if you don’t feel like you are, you are :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :sparkles: :sparkles: Shi xx

Lacewing - I remember being a blubbering mess 2 weeks after my lumpectomy and on several occasions over the next year . It’s very early days for you - the dust takes quite a while to settle ,sometimes you feel like you are doing well then something( like a not very empathetic doctor ) can tip you over the edge .It will get better but it’s def an emotional rollercoaster for a while . Only people who’ve been through it can really understand which is why this forum is amazing . I am still in touch with the ladies I met through the forum 6 years ago now . 
Lots of advice and support here .Jill xx

Hi again lacewing

Awwww, sweetheart. What a meltdown you’re having. It’s only natural. I soo hope all of Shi’s lovely hearts help. What a lovely message.

It’s GOOD to have a damn good sob, darlin. Let it all out, I say. Gets rid of a lot of the pent up emotions. Gets rid of a lot of the stress and fright hormones too, that build up, and releases some of the more helpful ones. Better still if you have a partner, family, or a good close friend to give you a good cuddle at the same time. I don’t know how much nearby support you have, to allow you to talk about your feelings and fears, and have a good sob with. Also to help distract your mind away from it, give it some much needed resting or breathing space. Someone you can put some upbeat music on and do some silly dancing and singing in the kitchen with. Watch some daft films with. Or anything “up” that can keep your mind occupied. Good company’s paramount. 

And YES, do please get in touch with your Breast Care Nurse as soon as possible. Tell her how much you are struggling. Please don’t EVER feel you’re making a nuisance of yourself, it’s what they’re there for - to help and support you. Not just with the factual information of treatment options etc., but the emotional mental support too. Or they can arrange for extra counselling and such. I’ve always found them a fantastic help. 

This Forum’s a good place, anytime, to have a good sob, moan or rant. Always some empathetic eyes and ears to listen and offer any help. Whether going through it at the same time as you, or have been through it. Do keep using it. (Do some really nice cards in their shop too, what better charity to support, hey)

Keep us up to date with how you are doing and those ffflippin decisions.

Lots of love to you, and everyone else on here, 

DellytheDoolallyKitchenDancerandSinger xXx    

Hi Lacewing

Yiu know, that crying may have been therapeutic. A breast cancer diagnosis can create an emotional maelstrom and it’s better out than in, speaking as an ‘in’ person. The only time I’ve cried was when I was told it was cancer after being told there was nothing to worry about. I remember saying ‘f***’ when the surgeon told me the biopsy results. The rest was a blur. Then I went to a private room with my chauffeur friend and briefly cried on her shoulder. I’ve been through the full works and now have secondary cancer within 18 months of finishing treatment and I haven’t shed a tear. I wish I could.

You’ll find there are times when you despair, times when your imagination goes into overload (please don’t go near Google), times when you accept, times when you’re angry but have no one to direct it to because this is no one’s fault. Just go with the flow and turn to sources of support like your breast care nurse who should be supportive and nurturing, the nurses at the number above ( I wouldn’t have got my secondary diagnosis and started treatment (going well) without them), people on the forum and organisations like Maggie’s, Macmillan and, if it reopens, Breast Cancer Haven among others. There’s a lot of support out there.

Ive found tuning into videos on YouTube very helpful. After I’ve taken my chemo tablets, on go the headphones and I drift away to Progressive Hypnosis’s videos on anxiety, healing, sleep, whatever. Once you know your treatment regime, things will settle down emotionally but, think about it, you’d have to be stone not to be upset at the moment. So don’t judge yourself, focus on doing what has to be done now, stay in the moment if you can. It’s all manageable and you ask for help when it feels unmanageable. Take good care of yourself,

Jan x