Hi, my attention was just drawn to a YWForum in Leeds. They will discuss, among other things, intimacy and sexuality.
Hello?
Does everybody’s sex life end at age 45?
Why is there no provision like this for those of us over 45 who are still wishing to continue to have a jolly good time?
Life doesn’t stop with a birthday.
Yes, I know there is a “booklet” about it. So why do some get told to go to a quiet corner and read a booklet and others get real, proper help?
Tell me about it - I’ve seen 3 female gynaecologists about my almost complete loss of libido in the past 3 years. The first asked me if I had tried “using something visual” which I took to mean porn, so I said no thanks it’s not my thing.
The next 2 looked at each other, then at me and said “what do you expect, you are post menopausal”. I was only 47. At that point my only salvation was the topical oestrogen pessaries I was using once a week as they were allowing me a frisson of excitement from time to time. These 2 docs forbid me from using them as I had a very slight bleed after a few months of being on them.
My female GP tells me I just have to grin and bear it as not a lot can be done; perhaps (a) my OH should try a few romantic weekends away and (b)I should drink to get relaxed. The former isn’t very easy as we are a 2 person business and can’t just drop everything. We all know about the latter and BC.
I have given up trying to find someone in the medical profession who truly understands what it’s like, but I bet if I was a man they would have sorted something out to get my tackle working by now.
Before all this the intimate side of my life was lovely and I truly miss it after 27 years with the same lovely man. He is a saint and never complains about it.
when I was on zoladex a couple of years ago my gp prescribed me testosterone patches - he could see no contraindications and neither could my onc. Did the trick for me, might be worth mentioning maybe?
Ruby.xx
My BC was hormone negative and Her 2+, but I’ve been told they don’t really want to give me anything hormonal as it’s possible to get rid of one type of BC only to develop another in the future. I’ve had a read up on Testosterone stuff and a lot of it said the side effects can be a problem, also a lot of Drs in the UK were not very keen to prescribe it. I’ve listened to a podcast by a female gynaecologist giving a lecture in London and she felt there needed to be better research.
I did broach this subject with one of my GPs about 3 years ago as it was suggested as maybe being a possibility by my Oncs registrar. However, at that time my GP said he would not prescribe it without being told to do so by a Consultant. I do sometimes think it’s to do with being 50 now and am sure if I was only 35 or 40 maybe they would be doing more for me.
Tell me about it! I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb but have already been suffering from a syndrome/ disease/ I don’t know quite what it is - that has killed our sex life. It has been going on for 2 years now and was kicked off by a bad bout of Thrush. I have just read on the internet that it is incurable but manageable. I thought it had got better but when we tried to have sex after my op in the summer (which I was well up for! the sex I mean not the op:)) , the pain was worse than ever and I hadn’t even started on Tamoxifen.
Cherub I really know where you are coming from and my husband has been a saint but now he is scared to come near me and says he just doesn’t know if I will push him away ( and this is regarding the small affectionate hugs and things day to day too). I have had my head in the sand for the last year now as it isn’t dangerous, contagious or even painful (unless we try and have intercourse!!!). It has definitely affected our relationship even though we have tried not to let it. I know I have to try and do something about it now but I am only 3 months down the line from an mx recon so not sure I want to face anything else. I am only 46 , I am not washed up but I do seem to have stopped working properly .
I am being referred for CBT with a psychologist and maybe that will help. Has anyone else tried this?
Wow! I thought it was just me!!! So relieved to hear I’m not the only one who’s bits seem to have stopped receiving signals/responding to signals… Seen GPs… seen gyn. consultant… nada… nothing… I feel for my OH, because it’s just not even ON my radar these days (or for some time beforehand). Like CaptainInvincible - it’s painful. Why would I want to put my hand in a fire if it’s going to hurt?? Dur! I don’t care if there’s nothing “wrong” - it HURTS! Also like you, it’s affected our cuddles and touch, which I mind more (think OH minds orgasms more, but there you go!)
I went to the Marsden and got them to agree to prescribe some stuff that I annoint on my fanny, which has oestrogen in it. Theoretically you are meant to apply it with a plunger thing but I just stick it in with my finger.
Before I started using it I was getting cystitis and dryness, not any more. I have oestrogen receptive cancer but low grade but decided to take the risk.
It only goes on the vaginal and nearby areas so I thought it wouldn’t do me much if any harm
Someone else in the same boat! We have been celibate for almost a year now and it’s certainly not by choice. In my case it’s a complete loss of libido coupled with body image issues and I feel like there is no one I can turn to for help. I also have a wonderfully understanding OH who has been a saint through all of this - just as well really! 
Nymeria x
WHY do men with erectile dysfunction get so much help and yet women with the female equivalent get abandoned?
Good point Ninja! It’s almost a taboo subject isn’t? I just don’t understand it at all.
my consultant asked me if I WANTED to be different!!! I had to want to apparently… said I was concerned for OH… not enough… YOU have to want it… when it’s not even on the radar, how do you REALLY want it? Never occurs to me, except when I see crestfallen face sometimes…
I was at my GP on Tuesday as I have to go for some blood tests next week to check if I have possibly underactive thyroid (long story, been dieting and going to gym and yoga nearly a year now, but not losing weight - in fact I GAINED half a stone doing WW Pro Points recently!) When she asked about my libido I said a car batter and a set of jump leads couldn’t get it going at the moment. She just looked at me and pretty much said that’s life then. These flaming doctors make me feel like a dried up old hag of 85 sometimes.
I’m glad I’m getting the thyroid thing checked out, apparently this can also kill off your libido. I’ve read thyroid issues can often occur in meno / post meno women who have had BC, but most GPs don’t bother to test for it. One Consultant who deals with thyroid said it was his view after BC women should be checked out as a routine thing, as it only involves a blood test. I am guilty of only seeing a GP if absolutely necessary as I find it’s like going round in a circle with my practice.
Cherub:“She just looked at me and pretty much said that’s life then”
I’m jumping up and down with anger!
There is NO WAY that they would say that to a chap with ED!
That’s outrageous Cherub! I am so angry on your behalf!