Tried to move on.....

Hi everyone. Some names I’m recognising and sad to see so many new ones. Apologies for not being here for anyone for probably the past year? Feel I’ve let my ‘champion title’ down.

I decided to try and take a break with an attempt to ‘move on’. I found a lovely FB closed group which is very supportive, but again, on times too much. I get regular notifications and decided to log on today. Taken the day off, listening to my body, crap night, sore.

Anyway, for those who don’t know my story… 

diagnosed August 2015, grade 2 lobular with lymph node affectcted. Originally told 27mm, Oct ‘15 lateral mammoplasty & lymph biopsy. Results were positive and found it was 56! Nov, in again for clear margin and 11 lymph clearance. Dec - chemo started, 3xFEC 3xT, cold capped successfully (lost 60/70%), finished day befor my 50th in April’16. Then 19 x Rads in May, finished June when started zoladex & exemestane. Opted for oophorectomy, had this Nov ‘16…

Here I am now, meds changed to letrozole Dec’17 to try ease carpal tunnel symptoms (GP suggested surgery, oncologist said no for now). Still have some SE, happy to discuss, pm if prefer to ask questions on anything. Still trying to move on, people, including family assume treatment done and I’m ok now… nope! Xxx hugs to all 

Hi Tandy 4

It is so lovely to hear from you but sad to hear that you are still struggling.  There is never any expectation from any of our Community Champions to be a permanent presence on the Forum.  We are all just very grateful for any time that is spent support users both new and old.

I wonder if you have attended one of our Moving Forward courses?  If you click on the link that will give you all information  for where and when they are running.  It will also give you the contact details of the team who organise them.  Alternatively you could give our Helpline a call, 0808 800 6000 and they will be able to give you more information.

Best wishes
Digital Community Officer

I seem to feel the same as you Tandy everyone always thinks you are over this I was diagnosed April 14 I am an anxious person always have been I try to plan things to keep busy holidays I love as then it’s easy to forget I think the uncertainty of knowing it could come back scares me how deal with this I’m awaiting mammogram results which doesn’t help !!

Aaaaaaw fffffflip Chummy. thought I’d got rid of you !!! for all the right reasons, that is. Sooo, I’m oh so SAD to see you again. But it’s oh so good to see you again too, despite.

Think you and me ought to go join the girls on another thread, who’re going off to N.Y. Hold on, let me check. Ah, can’t find it. We don’t get notifications of posts and emails like we used to, girl. So we’ll have to hold off on that one for a bit.

So you’ve got Carpel Tunnel now as well?

Lots of love

Dellypoos xxxxxxx 

Have just checked out our pms - last March. xxxx

Just read this . Captures my state so well. I was very fortunate to stumble into support from the psychoncolgy team and was massively helped through a very dark phase by counselling and tablets. Out the other side now but the niggles never leave… 

Hi Tandy I’ve logged on for the first time in ages looking to talk to someone post active treatment in my position and I can’t find anyone to talk to to be honest. I’m on Letrozole and my carpal tunnel is rubbish especially first thing in the morning, takes ages to get the use back in both of my hands. I feel like I don’t belong here as I ‘got away’ with a lumpectomy for Stage 1 Grade II IDC and then 20 sessions of radiotherapy that finished on 1st December. I have no idea when my next mammogram is due and I feel totally lost - to everyone around me ‘it’s all sorted’ BUT IS IT?? I don’t even know when my next mammogram should happen? In the early months I felt so confident supporting all the new ladies that landed in this world but not any more and I don’t know why. I wish I had someone who really understood that I could meet up with - as far as my partner and family are concerned I’m back to normal of course!! Rubbish isn’t it?? But then I think I got off so lightly on my BC journey (touch wood) I should just shut up, be grateful and get on with my life supporting others who haven’t been so fortunate. Wow, I didn’t intend to log on tonight let alone write all that rubbish. Anita xx

Thank you Helena you humble me as you’re always there thank god. Everyone around me are behaving like I had a cold and it’s behind me and I try to live up to that and most days I can but this weekend I’ve has highs with the beautiful weather and getting my walking boots on doing simple things like walking to our local village pub and then having actual nightmares about my own mortality and my parents who I saw yesterday. It really made me lose my anchor in life for a second. Been really tearful tonight which is very selfish I know and I feel so guilty for nor visiting the site to help others. Makes me feel very shallow and not very proud of who I am or who I thought I was.

Thank you Helena and Delly for such lovely messages, they definitely helped me through Monday which wasn’t the best of days at work. Today almost back to ‘normal’ but tired this week so trying to be a bit more gentle on myself. Hugs to everyone - I’m heading off to bed very soon Anita x

Hi Helena I’m ‘back to normal’ now (thank you as always for your support) and have decided to give something back to BCC today by signing up for the 20 mile pink ribbon walk in June along with a very good friend of mine. I’m looking forward to raising some money for BCC to ensure that ladies like you and this forum never cease to be there for anyone affected by BC. I simply do not know what I would have done without you. Anita xx