As of November 25th I have completed my treatment for stage 1a, invasive ductal, her2 positive breast cancer. I have been on Tamoxifen since May 2020 (right after chemotherapy) and I am fortunate enough that almost all side effects have waned and I feel as healthy as I had, pre cancer.
And I want a baby.
I will be 34 this Feb and this is not my first fight with cancer. Despite stage 3 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma at age 11 my ovaries were strong and I helped produced 10 embryos that wait for me in cryo.
Originally, I was told to wait a year after my last Herceptin dose before trying to get pregnant. My oncologist stated this was to allow Herceptin to completely leave my system. However, on my last dose day in November, she laughingly told me “not to try for babies for six months.” I was confused, told her it had to be a year, and she said the literature states 6 months for Herceptin before trying for pregnancy. I clearly asked if there was ANYTHING else that would impede my attempts at pregnancy and if I could sprint for it in 6 months and she told me no, it was just the concern over Herceptin. I was so damn excited for this news.
Fast forward to today and a much anticipated appointment with my fertility doctor and he was very frank with me when I said I’d only be 1 year into Tamoxifen at my newly proposed baby-making date: “I’ve never heard of people being allowed to safely break from Tamoxifen under the two year mark.”
There are many parts of me from far away shaking me, firmly, telling me I’m to be grateful I even have this option. It could be worse, I shouldn’t be so upset, waiting another 6 months isn’t the worst and that was the original plan. But after being in such a positive place of strength for the entire year of treatment I’m just so angry and so sad.
I’m still waiting on my oncologist’s response but I feel like I know what her answer will be. And I know it will be okay. But I was so ready for that good news, so excited to tell my 95 year old grandpa he might get to meet his great grandchild that his deceased wife so badly wanted for me, and I just wanted to say this to people I know will understand.