Trying not to worry (no-one to talk to)

I really shouldn’t be posting this, I should be here at all cos I promised myself I wouldn’t look online, wouldn’t google, wouldn’t talk or even think about it until after i’ve been to the Breast Clinic. But here I am.

Its probably nothing, I don’t even have a lump, its just a kind of flattened area, like a tiny dent, sort of in a line about an inch long by the side of my nipple. You can only see it when I lift my arm up. GP felt it was better to be safe than sorry and referred me on the 2 week appointment system to the Breast Clinic. My appointment is Monday afternoon.

I can’t talk to anyone about it. My husband and mum both know what is happening, but I just can’t talk to them. We’re having some fairly major issues with my 6yr old daughter at the mo (involving Paediatrician and Educational Psychologist) and I was already worried sick about her. I simply can’t allow myself to even think about me. I just don’t have the space in my head for it. I feel like if I start to worry, or think about the “what if’s” I know I will get upset, and if I start to cry I might never stop.

I feel like an elastic band that is currently pulled so tightly that I might snap.

Sorry to offload. It really probably is nothing at all. I’ve had 2 children in the last 6 years, and the last one I only stopped breastfeeding last year. That’s got to cause changes right? Crikey my boobs went from a B to a FF over that time! My youngest turns 2 tomorrow and we have birthday plans with family and I just HAVE to keep going.

Phew! It feels so good to have just written that all down. It doesn’t make it seem quite as real as talking about it out loud.

StarryOne, you’ve done the right thing by posting on here. We ALL know the worry you’re trying to keep on top of, we’ve ALL been there. And it’s horrible. None of us will tell you that it’s nothing to worry about, only your doc can tell you that, and I’m very glad you’ve got a quick appointment.

I so understand the elastic band thing, have the same kind of stuff going on myself with my daughter (a bit older than yours but still a worry). Thing is, the rest of life doesn’t just come to a halt when we get hit by these big worries, do they. So if it helps you to vent on here, then just do it. If you want to read stuff, the Publications section from the home page has some good leaflets about what happens at a typical breast clinic. But if you don’t want to read about it, then that’s fine too. Do whatever you have to to get you through until Monday, and know that we’re with you in spirit.

And with luck, the results you get will put you in the 9 out of 10 people referred to the clinic who DON’T have cancer to worry about.

Hugs

CM
x

Hello StarryOne

as ever ChoccieMuffin has hit the nail on the head with her reply. Just offload yourself here and we will all help you through this horrid, horrid time. It is so much easier if you know you can say anything here and not be judged just appreciated and loved by us.

Take care

Hug from Alanaa and Cat

Hi starry…,
Very sorry that you have had this worry to deal with…I know from experience you can hardly think of anything else no matter how hard you try. In the end I asked the GP for something to help and I’m not one to take anything normally, but no point getting too exhausted and anxious.

Once anyone has a thing like this that needs to be looked into, you want to know its being done as soon as possible…but yet you hardly can bear to know the answer. All being well this wont be anything to worry about but you did the right thing getting it checked ASAP to get peace of mind.

I found the problem with talking to people was that none of us knew what we were talking about, I was just scared full stop with no limit to my imaginings. Like you say, once you open the floodgates you don’t know when you’ll close them again. It’s easy to say dont worry about what you can’t influence but its harder to do in practice. Many of us will say that the waiting is the hardest part. Don’t worry about telling the people at the breast care unit how you feel, they are used to this and should be able to give you time to talk through your worries in private if you want.

Of all the options, you picked the right one coming to this site. Maybe you’ll never need to again but as you say, it’s a safeplace to let it all out. any info, suggestions and advice you ask for will be realistic and up to date.
No one wants to have a problem with their boobs…no one wants to know too much about the C word…me included! but if, just if there ever is a problem, it’s probably very different from what you imagine…a lot more doable and the outcome nearly always much better than you may fear.

There’s lots of support here, more or less day and night. You can phone the helplne during their opening hours and they are wonderful and dont mind at all if you’re upset, but there are also usually late nighters and early risers around to share their experiences.
Good luck, Monday isn’t too far away now, meanwhile get stuck into your little ones cake and jelly!
Love, Nonsuch xx

Wow - thank you both for replying. ChoccieMuffin - thank you for the info about the leaflet on what to expect at my appointment. I will read it, because I prefer to know what to expect. However I might wait until the morning of the appointment so if it is too much, I only have a few hours left until I go! Sounds pathetic I know. I just know what i’m like!

Thank you for letting me just get it all off my chest. I feel like each day my strength depletes just a bit. I feel like 2 people. Mum and wife who is all cheery and bouncy and doing all the mummy things with a huge grin on my face, and then the me that can barely do anything all day because its taking all my strength to force my brain to think about anything BUT what is happening.

Its weird, i’m normally a BIG talker by default. I talk about anything and everything. But this is too much. Silly really. I haven’t even told my best friend - she’s going to be cross with me (weak laugh).

Hi StarryOne,

You have definitely come to the right place to offload. Much better to do that than to snap, most of us have been through a similar journey, and I guarantee most of us have reached meltdown at one point or another (in my case often over the fear of the unknown, or something totally trivial).

Come back here as often as you need to while you wait, but try and keep away from other googling becuase you will find lots of wrong and outdated information and scare yourself silly. Hard to do but just try and take one day at a time for now.

Do remember most referrals are clear, but if you are not there are many people here who can help. Let us know what happens, either way.

Lynda

Hi Starryone

I agree with what has said, Im waiting for my results and yep pulling my hair out, but the ladies on here are fantastic, They have helped me stay sane you don’t need to google just stay here, everyone is going through it at different stages.

Take care

Tina123

Again, thank you everyone. I really needed to release some of what has been building up - thank you for allowing me to do that.

(I have posted a reply already but its not showing up!)

StarryOne, ChoccieMuffin , nonsuch, Alanaa , Lakesover and Tina, have said all that need sto be said at present. It is such a horrible time and you feel helpless and out of control.

The only reason I am posting is to recommend you ring the Helpline at Amy time. They can go over any queries you have and might help you through this rotten wait. The Tel 0808 800 6000 Mon - Fri 9-5 pm. Sat 9-2 pm
Best wishes
Big Hug
Cackles

Thank you Cackles.

Today is the day - husband is coming home at 3.30pm to look after our daughter who is on half term, and my appointment is 4.10pm. I feel like i’ve been holding my breath all day.

Fingers crossed!

Been thinking of you this afternoon as you await your appointment time. It’s so scary isn’t it?
Holding your hands tightly and hoping for a good explanation.
If not we’re here to share…
I do think the waiting is probably the worst time but then none of it is great!!! Any worry is exhausting especially as you have worries concerning your daughter too.

Just remember we are here to support you just like others supported us.

Been following this story, hope the results come back with good news.

Thank you so much everyone for your support. I had a great result yesterday, with the verdict being “nothing to worry about”.

There was a horrible heartstopping moment when the consultant found something that neither myself or my GP had felt, but the ultrasound revealed it was slightly thickened glandular tissue, and nothing untoward. The flattened area has been put down to natural changes post pregnancy/extended breasfeeding.

To say that I am relieved is an understatement. We celebrated last night with Dominos Pizza and wine! Today i’ve actually been able to concentrate on work again.

Thank you once more. I wish all of you so much love, and luck. I will always be so grateful for being able to find an outlet for my fears over the last week or so. Thank you!

Kerri xxx

StarryOne, Fantastic news!!! All the very best to you xx

Excellent news! x

StarryOne, I’m so thrilled for you! A reason to celebrate indeed. All the best for your bright future.

StarryOne

I am delighted for you and your family. All my love to you

Alanaa and Fat Cat xx

Yayyyyy!!!

Starryone

That’s great news x

tina123

Congratulations. I am really pleased for you.

Lynda