It has taken me a week to fully grasp the awful reality that I have breast cancer. I am due to have a bilateral mastectomy in two weeks time. I am hoping that by talking to people in a simular situation this feeling of utter hopelessness will become diluted.
A horrible shock, I was diagnosed in 2003 and I remember a feeling of numbness, which made it slightly easier to deal with. I definitely had the feeling that there had been some kind of mistake, it couldn’t be me, as I felt so well.
I had a partial mastectomy but there are a lot of women here who have had bilateral mastectomies who no doubt will get back to you,
Mole
We are here for you.Someone will be along soon who has ha your experience.I just wanted to reply.I am 2 years from my lumpectomy/chemo/rads so a bit different but it is a scary situation you are in and we all try to support one another on here.Good Luck,Vxx
Hi Catherine
Welcome to the forums, I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. Along with the support from the users on the site you may find it helpful to give the BCC helpline a call. Here you can share your fears and concerns with one of our trained members of staff who can offer you a ‘listening ear’ as well as support and information. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Lucy
Hi Catherine
I am so sorry that you are here with us. I was diagnosed in July and have been having chemo first/ My last chemo is 27 Nov. and then I will be facing probably an mx (I may go for a bi lateral). I have had time to sort it all out in my head but for you it is quite new. I, like others, have gone through the whole lot of feelings, from devastation to acceptance and you will get there too. Keep posting, keep asking questions or just come on knowing that someone will be here. I hope someone will come on with first hand experience soon. Have you rung the helpline on here and spoken to someone who has had, or understands what you are going through. the no, is 0808 800 6000 think its open 9-6 mon-fri and sat am. hope athis helps
Chris x
oooopppps they got there before me!!!
Hi Catherine
It’s the biggest, most horrible shock! The feeling of hopelessness, why me, and all the attendant fears are natural and understandable, and with time you’ll find a way to live with it. I think every person who uses this site has been there and understands. You will cope, you will get through this. I echo what the others have said: post on these forums, ask questions, get support. Everyone who uses this site is amazing, wonderufl, caring, and helpful. I don’t feel so alone or isolated because of the other ladies on here. Call the Helpline, they’re fantastic. Also, peer-to-peer support is available to you and you may find it helpful and reassuring to speak with someone who is a few years down the line but was in a similar position to you when they were first diagnosed.
All the best.
Cat xx
Hi Catherine, I had a bilateral mastectomy on July 23rd, and I can remember how I felt when I was told, just shock and helpless, as I always thought I had control of my body and have never been really ill or had surgery before. All I can say is that this 2 weeks waiting will be awful for you because its all you can think about, and having to tell people too, and all that that involves. But this site will help you so much, just knowing that people are or have gone through the same thing and come out the other side - and you will. You will amaze yourself Im sure, you will always be able to ask any questions on here and somone will answer you, whatever time it is. My scars have healed up so well, I couldnt have reconstruction at the time and now have made the decision to stay as I am. Have you got good friends and family round you? It is such a shock for you, but you will get through it.
take care
Shirleyxx
I want to thank everyone of you wonderful people who replied to me yesturday. Thank you BessieBoo you are so right , the waiting is awful. This site feels like a lifeline for me. Any tips from anyone on how we explain to our youngest child (who is nine) that Mummy is going to lose her breasts. We have been honest up to know that I have breast cancer but feel unsure how to have the next converstion, our three older children have been kept up to date as the events unfolded.
Catherine x
Hi, Catherine
So sorry you’ve had to join us, but with lots of advice and info from the ladies (and gents) on here, you’ll get through this awful period.
On the question of telling the children, Breast Cancer Care have put out a book, I believe, on how to tell them what mum’s going through. I’m not sure what it’s called but if you call them then they’ll be able to tell you. And I’m sure a lot of the young mums on here have obtained a copy.
Good luck.
Maureen xx
my grandchildren(the oldest ones, who are 12 an 11) were told by their mum that i have cancer, and that in order to make me well again, the doctors will have to take my boob away, which obviously, i’m very sad about, but as i want to get better, i know that’s what has to happen.They have been told , honestly, that i’m a bit scared about it all, but that the doctors have promised to make me a new boob, which has made me happier.They were also told that it’s going to be a while before i’m properly well again as i have to go for other treatment after the surgery, but the doctors have said i WILL be well, so they are to try not to worry too much. this has worried them a bit, as their paternal grandfather died from cancer and both of my parents did too, but they are old enough to know now that many people do get better, and i’m going to be one of them!! 
Hi Catherine
“Mummy’s Lump” which you can get from the BCC site/Levender Trust is great for young children. My son was 2 1/2 when I was diagnosed and I read this to him to help explain. I also read him stories about childrenn going in to hospital so he could understand where I was going for a couple of days. I kept him aware of everything that was happening but in a sensitive way, not too much information. I told him I had a sore boobie and that the doctor was going to take the sore bit away to make it better. He saw the bruises after the biopsies and gave me a plaster and kisses to make it better. After the mastectomry, when everything looked OK, I let him see it so it was not scary. He now says the doctor took the sore boobie away and left me with a smile (my scar).
It’s not an easy thing to handle but I’ve found that reassurance and giving appropriate explanations all along has made things easier for my son. Not letting him feel involved or trying to shield him from things would only make it worse. With a 9 year old who’s that much more aware and able to understand, honesty at the appropriate sensitive level will work the best.
Best of luck with this, it’s tough but you’ll get through it. Post as much as you need to here, the site has been my lifeline.
Hi Catherine
As kindly suggested by your fellow users, the following link will take you to the ‘Mummy’s Lump’ book order page on this site, the 2nd link will take you to a booklet called ‘Talking to your children about breast cancer’ which you may also find helpful:
breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=12221
breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=669
I hope you find these helpful Catherine
Best wishes
Lucy
Yet again a big thank you to you all for your support and thank you Lucy for the links. To have this direct link is so wonderful. For the first time since I found out about having breast cancer I feel hope that I can deal with this and already feel that I am making some wonderful new friends.
Catherine x
Hi Catherine,
Please dont feel helpless - no matter what is happening right now you are still Catherine - the same wonderful Catherine you were before diagnosis who your family and friends will remain to love with or without boobs! when I told my two sons (and I told them every step of the way what was happening from finding a lump to mastectomy) my eldest said " its ok Mom you dont need them anymore any way because you dont want any more babies" which made me smile as he only thought they were required to feed babies but you know what? he may have had the right idea in his innocence! You will get loads of support and advice on here so stay with us and let us help you through your journey. And dont worry about asking loads of questions no matter how small or mad they may seem - one of us will have the answer for you.
Chin up chuck
Take care
Clarabelle x
Hi Catherine
I had a bi.mx 2 October, so I am 5 weeks post op today. Feel free to ask me any questions. At the moment all I can say to you is, keep yourself busy, try to keep positive. I know, if you are anything like me, you have to get your head round it and so you are constantly thinking and talking about it (which I found talking about it helped). I know some people do not want to face it but I found I wanted as much info as I could get, this helped me cope. As the day approaches for the op, try not to think about it too much, I found that this is the time to put your head in the sand. The day before the op the doc prescribed me Diazepam to keep me calm but I discovered I did not need it during the day. The night before the op, I went to my brothers house had supper and a glass of red wine (which I am quite partial to). When I came home I got my daughter to take some photos of me with boobs, realising I would not see them anymore. Before settling down for bed I had a Diazepam and slept all night, in fact the alarm woke me the next day, Then, believe it or not I was incredibly calm before going for the op. I know you have children which must be difficult, mine are al grown up now. I live with my 21 year old daughter. Hope this helps to reassured you a little.
take care lots of love Angela xx
Hi Angela,
Great hearing from you particularly as I am having one of those low days. Have been to the breast clinic today to look at mastectomy pictures ( I am someone who likes to be prepared!). It would have been nice if the women I saw actually had faces as it was strange to just look at their chests, some looked ok others not so great, hope I get to be one of the ok one’s. A silly question really but how much pain where you in post-operatively and how long before you had a look? Thought I would try and put a soft bra on quite quickly with a softy so that my youngest daughter can see mummy looking ok, do you think that is possible ? I think I have got to the stage where I am begining to worry that the cancer has spread, the waitng around for results is so difficult. I have talked about nothing but myself which is rather selfish. I hope you are feeling stronger and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I particularly like the sound of a glass of wine the night before although I’m a white wine girl myself !
Big hugs
Catherine x x
Hi, Catherine, I’m a newby too. Diagnosed just 2 days ago and I feel the bottom has dropped out of my world. We must all feel the same. This waiting game is a killer all by itself. All I’m doing is watching the clock and counting the days, and I don’t even have a date yet - makes no sense, I know! Got a constant feeling of giant butterflies - not just in stomach - but everywhere. I too am worried about the post-op stuff. Will I be able to ‘put my eyes’ on?! x
Hi Catherine
Just been reading your thread and your last message. I only had right mastectomy in 2006 but I can remember wanting to look straight away. The nurses asked me as soon as I came round and they were freshening me up did I want to look and I did straight away. If you look straight away you’re not in the quandary wondering what it looks like, you’ll see it first hand. I remember feeling quite surprised but ok’ish about it. I was wearing a bra and softie after three days when I was released from hospital.
I’m at the stage where I’m going into hospital next week for re-construction and I feel more nervous about this than I did for the mastectomy in 2006. I think its because I’ve chosen the re-construction but I didn’t choose the BC.
This site will offer you loads of support and I wish you all the best.
Anniemay
Hi Catherine
Sorry you’ve had to join this club.
On pain…I had a single mastectomy and node clearance in 2004…am a real wimp about pain and felt relatively little. I asked for and got a morphiine pump which I could control after the op. but I hardly needed it. A mastectomy doesn’t involve cutting through muscle as an abdominal operation does so it is much less painful. I looked at my very neat scar a day or two after the op.
If you are someone who likes informaton then bear in mind that ‘breast cancer’ isn’t one disease, its many. As time goes on you may want to find out more about what knd of breast cancer you have…grade, oestrogen status, stage etc…all these things affect the chances of your cancer having spread or being likely or not to spread later.
very best wishes to you.
Jane