This may sound silly and very premature , but my ho;e life just collapsed on xmass day ,my wife who is only 46 has found a large lump on her breast, she said not to tell the kids on xmass day , breast cancer is in her family her mum had it a long time ago when it was relertivly un treat able apart from cutting away everthing she has a apointment tomorrow at our doc ,dont no why im telling you all this ? inside im screaming and dont no wot to do , my wife is so calm and together, me on the other hand am all calm on the out side but am so hurting on the inside as i dont no wot to expect , sorry to go on but just putting this into words has made me feel better in some way, sorry if i have bored you , jimmy
Dear Jimmy
I am sorry to read that you are so worried about your wife and just wanted to say if you need to talk things through our helpline is open in the morning from 9am on 0808 800 6000. I am sure other users will be along tonight with further support for you.
Take care
Lucy
Hi Jimmy, So sorry you have the need to post on this site, but welcome.
What your going through is perfectly normal emotions, My other half is 17 years older than me, i’m 43 he turned 60 last week! I have been with him for 22 years, he is my PROTECTOR, lover, best friend, my night in shining Armour, always there to protect me, make me feel better solve my problems etc. BUT… when being diagnosed there is nothing you can do to take away the pain, upset, horror, etc!
I actually think that it is worse for family to see us going through this than us going through the treatment because you all feel so useless. Let me tell you though you are not, just by posting on here shows me you are going to be a tower of strength for your wife… Even if you don’t feel this yourself.
You both have a long road ahead if this does turn out to be the big C. But it is all doable and with you standing beside your wife will be much easier. Be honest with her and i’m sure you will find her emotions are much the same as yours scared sh…less is one that comes to mind!
It may also help if you could persuade your wife to join the forum. I have had cancer for a year now and found this forum to be my lifeline.
Good luck, let us know the outcome, good or bad we are there for you.
Love Teresa x
Hi Jimmy,
Sorry to hear you are worried. You are experiencing totally natural feelings about someone that you love. Try not to jump to conclusions. Your wife has done the right thing by making a quick appt with the GP. He/she will advise whether they think a referral to the breast clinic would be appropriate for a mammogram, etc. It may be absolutely nothing but even if its not you will feel so much better once you know what needs to be done. The worst bit is not knowing and feeling a bit helpless. At the moment just take deep breaths, be positive, be there to support your wife and take each step one at a time. Its not easy but you can do it, as have so many others on here. Lots of luck.
Hi Jimmy
Reflect what the other ladies have said, and yes it is a difficult and worrying time; we know what you’re going through.
As Lucy from BCC has said if you need to talk ring the helpline. I’ve done it and it did help.
All the others on here will say the waiting is the worst part and my thoughts and good wishes are with you for tomorrow.
Sounds like your wife has a fab fella behind her and good for you for posting on here; believe me I don’t know where I’d have been without my hubby standing by me all the way and don’t feel you’re boring us either, it’s what we’re here for!
Good luck, Denise
Hi Jimmy sorry you have found yourself here and hopefully you’re wife will be one of the 90% of lumps that are benign but that doesn’t stop the fear of the not knowing . My hubby despite being my rock has been nick-named my crumbling rock cos he certainly was worse than me and he said its because he felt so helpless and didn’t know what to do for me ,all he had to do of-course was to be there to listen when i was upset keep quiet when i had a rant and keep me busy and pampered doing nice things like a day out or lunch or just a helping hand around the house or with family. At first he would ring me every 5 mins from work to see if i was alright and felt he didn’t want to leave me alone and yes we had our wobbles and he was getting chest pains at work with the stress of it all . I told him i couldn’t do with him being ill as well.Waiting for all the results is the worst part of all and you feel in a very dark place not wanting to plan anything. When we did get my diagnosis in a funny kind of way but we both said it was a relief that we knew and something was being done and i know at the moment you cannot contemplate having to go through it ( and please God you don’t) I will say that you do get the strength to do it and its not as scary as you imagine .I have just finished all my treatment surgery, chemo and radiotherapy and now on medication for 5 years and although its been a roller-coaster of emotions i cant believe how fast its gone over and how much stronger and positive people we have become and looking forward now to a much brighter 2011 and lots more years to come xxx.My oncologist said to me when i was upset and contemplating the start of treatment " its 6 months out of the rest of youre life"and she’s right good luck and hope it turns out to be nothing but message me anytime if you need to xx Julie
Jimmy, no need to apologise at all. That’s what these forums are for.
I echo what the others have said, though they are generally a bit further along the road than me. I absolutely agree that the waiting beforehand and not knowing is the WORST thing you can imagine, because your imagination takes over.
Please don’t think the worst. As has been said the most common cause of lumps is cysts, which are filled with fluid and can come up pretty much overnight. Some women are prone to them, particularly as they head into their 40s. The ONLY treatment necessary for cysts is either leave them alone or aspirate them with a very fine needle, which is less painful than a wasp sting.
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and your wife that she’s discovered a cyst or two, but it is completely understandable that you are both worried sick. The worrying and waiting is totally horrible, so I hope you can get an appointment at the clinic quickly. When you get the appointment it is likely that she’ll have a mammogram - uncomfortable and undignified but not painful - and possibly ultrasound as well where they can identify what’s going on. If there are cysts, they may aspirate them there and then, with the help of the ultrasound. If they’re not sure what’s what then they may need to do a biopsy where they take a sample of whatever they want to have a closer look at and send it off for analysis. That’s done with a local anaesthetic and can leave some rather alarming bruises. And then you have to do more waiting because the results can take up to a week.
Do take a look at the rest of this site which has some very useful publications about other benign breast conditions which aren’t cancer, and try not to worry too much if you can.
Depending on the ages of your kids, you may want to leave it a bit until you’ve had an appointment at the clinic and you have something specific to share with them, or they might have picked up that the two of you are worried and they might want to know more. Only you can know what to do with your own children as you know them best.
Love and hugs to the both of you.
CM
Hi Jimmy, you are probably in the worst bit just now - the not knowing bit.
It is perfectly normal to be worried all the way through scared witless at this stage.
Even if it turns out to be the diagnosis no one wants, this bit is the worst - once you have the diagnosis, you know what you are dealing with, and the treatment plan will follow on quickly from that.
We have been ver pleased with the treatment my wife has had on the NHS - the speed was impressive.
Paul.