Unable to tell Husband

Hi, I find myself on here because I have a lump in my arm pit that I have ignored as thought it probably wasn’t anything. It has grown larger and my right hand is swelling. Went to GP Tuesday , breast clinic phoned Wednesday with an appointment for this Friday and I’m petrified . I cannot tell husband as he is a Widow and only went through a devastating time in 2010. I’m so scared of Friday . Just wanted to let someone know I sent an email to the nurses but they can’t respond for 3 days .

hi Deborah,
Sorry to hear you are going through this, but you have done the best thing you can do by getting it seen to. Mostly, it does turn out to be nothing serious, but the anxiety whilst waiting is horrible & we’ve all been there.

Is your husband going to sense what you’re feeling? The appointment is only 2 days away & it may help if you do share it, especially if he senses you are anxious. Sometimes we can be more protective of others than we need to be. When it comes down to it, it is a routine referral for investigation - although it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
let us know what happens,
ann x

Hello Deborah,


Im sorry to hear you are having such a really frightening time, and feel unable to share with your husband. It is so selfless of you, and very caring, but I think you do really need some support yourself…will you take someone else with you to the appointment ? Obviously only you know, but is he the sort of person who would want to know and be there with you, despite his own worries? After all, he is your husband and as difficult as it might be to say you have a clinic referral, he might sense your anxiety anyway, as Ann said below.


It must be agony for you keeping this all to yourself at the moment, so I’m glad you’ve come here and written for us to share. I don’t know what your GP said about anything he/ she felt in your actual breast…was there anything noted ? If you decide that ‘going it alone’ is better for both of you, then do consider ringing the helpline number at the top of the website to talk things through. We will check in here and keep supporting you as best we can virtually as well. 



Hi Ann
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it. He does sense something as I’m not sleeping but I haven’t the heart to put ilhim through a hospital visit as yet. I do feel a bit better knowing it’s only one more full day until I see someone . I hope you’re okay too andg I will definitely let you know . Thanks so much x

Hi Charys
Yes Ann was definitely right in that he does sense something . The Doctor didn’t elaborate at all I think I’m just shocked at he speed of the appointment and the phone call. Of course my mind goes into overdrive and I’m trying to moderate with reality about the appointment . I know you and Ann must have been there yourselves and I jiust appreciate your openness and willingness in allowing me to let someone know. I feel if I can get through today I will make it on my own tomorrow and i will definitely let you know. Will also try and phone the helpline number as well , it’s just finding a time at the moment. Many many thanks to you both x

I thought so; you’re both very brave and giving . I will let you know asap and just huge thanks again I really appreciate your advice and support x

Hi Charys and Ann
I cab only thank you both about encouraging me to let my husband know as I could not have been without him today. I have had a biopsy and have to wait two weeks but not in my lymph nodes but a lump was found in the breast itself. They tried aspirating first but were unable to. I can’t say I felt brace or strong today but will get my head around it and will get results on 20th. Got biggest plaster in the world on my right breast lol … feels very surreal. Thank you both so much and take care of yourselves x

hi Deborah, so glad he was with you today & it may still be all ok, although the waiting is the pits. Thankfully, it will now get resolved. As we now know having been through it, even if it is bc, it is very treatable these days with some of the best outcomes out there.
BTW, we’re no braver than you or anyone else, just further down the road, that’s all!
let us know what happens
ann x

Will do thank you Ann . Will definitely let you know x

Hi Charys
I’m so please he knows too and it is challenging at the moment as the mind does somersaults doesn’t it . Yes initially they though it was a cyst it was a student radiographer supported by the Consultant but when they aspirated they couldn’t get anything. Then the consultant came around and scanned herself and seemed to think it looked different to her initial thoughts and took two biopsies. ironically I wasn’t expecting it even though that’s what I was here for. a bit surreal isn’t it . Will definitely let you know x

Hi Charys and Ann I just wanted to let you know that The results do show I have cancer in the breast and lymph nodes and I’m having a mastectomy on 8th February . To say our lives have been turned upside down is an understatement but I’m sure you will both know this. Thank you for seeing me through the tests with very quick and much appreciated advice as I’m glad my husband was there . The most emotional thing was telling my daughter and now I need to let the rest of my family know. It goes without saying that if I can ever be of help to either of you I will do my utmost and thank you very much for your selflessness xx

hi Deborah,
Thanks for your kind words, but sorry you are joining us.
It is always such a shock, but thank goodness it can now be dealt with, outcomes are some of the best out there for bc. So glad your husband was with you.
Do come back whenever you need to, there are others throughout the forum who are going through similar things at similar time scales.
do keep in touch
ann x

Hi Ann
Thank you so much that is good to hear and I do hope all is well with you xx



Sorry to hear the news was not what you wanted. I had a mastectomy in August 2015 then went on to have chemo. At the time of my diagnosis I was absolutely terrified, especially as I’d never had surgery before. I was so amazed at how quickly I got back on my feet after the surgery and how much less traumatic it all was as opposed to in my imagination. There are so many of us who go through this and the treatments are so effective now. It’s a rubbish time you are going through but I just wanted to say that life does get better and you will get through this. 


Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.


Ruth xxxx

Hi Ruth
I can’t thank you enough for letting me know about your surgery and how you felt at the time . I have my fingers crossed it hasn’t spread as that’s not been confirmed yet which is scaring me. I’m less frightened now of the surgery itself thank you. I will definitely let you know and I can’t tell you enough how supportive your comments are xxxx

Hi Deborah…

Oh gosh, so sorry to hear you’ve had ‘the diagnosis’, but please hold onto all your hope right now. As I think I said I was diagnosed last March, today I was back in my first day training for a new job. In 12 months life has gone through desperate lows and fears, to the ‘new normal’ people talk about. I could not have imagined 10 months ago that I could ever be ‘out the other;side’"albeit a bit emotionally scarred and still feeling my way a bit. It’s the most trule awful time for you right now, do please take strength from all of us right now x

Sorry for typos ?

Hi Charys
I’m so happy you are recovering well and are training for a new job you will have to let me know how it goes. It certainly does rock your foundations doesn’t it . Your message is so uplifting and I’m trying to think that there is always someone worse off than myself. I’m looking forward to reaching that 10 month mark and just have everything crossed now for the next few weeks. Thank you once again. All my very best for your new job too xx