Unsupportive hubby

Hi everyone.
sorry if I sound a bit negative, but has anyone experienced a sense of their hubby or partner being very distant and moody with them? I admit we have had considerable financial problems following my mastectomybin Jan…I work as a supply teacher and agency haven’t been supportive. I got punched in the chest in a,special needs,school 2 weeks ago, I complained to agency and this has resulted in no work. Whilst I understand my hubbys worries about finances. he doesn’t seem to be able to segregrsye this from our relationship and is witholding affection etc. Yesterday, after I spoke to the agency, I said yo him I don’t feel like working there anymore, to which he replied, ‘we ho under then and then go our own separate wsys’. I was,so annoyed! I have been applying for jobs, but its complicated because Im also having reconstructive surgery. Has,anyone shared these experiences? I don’t feel he is being emotionally supportive and its got to the point where I wonder if I would be better alone. He is hood in other ways, but so moody and distant. IM a very open person, but he doesn’t seem able to talk without being angry and abusive, making me feel cap in hand to him about money etc. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this, because everyone thinks he is do lovely!

P.s. I should add, I am very lucky to have had early diagnosis and surgery and realise I should focus on that, but hubby really getting me down. Its like we are in parallel worlds.

Hi Pauline


In answer to your first question the answer is yes, for decades and decades! Joking aside however I am very sorry that you are having all these additional problems at such a difficult and emotional time. Without doubt when one partner is diagnosed with cancer it can put a marriage under strain. Try to remember that people often say things they don’t really mean in the heat of the moment when arguments arise. You say that you are very ‘open’ whereas you describe your husband as ‘moody and distant’ but to be honest I think a lot of men clam up like that, it is just the way they are. Do you think it would help if he talked with an independent third party? For example at the hospital I attended there was a special walk-in centre where patients and their partners could go for informal advice from trained counsellors. Perhaps your hospital could direct you to an organisation that can assist with cancer-related financial problems. I don’t think you should act impulsively and make any rash decisions that you may later regret with refernce to the idea of living on your own, simply because it could put you under even more stress and that is the very last thing you need right now. For your own sake try to keep calm, take one day at a time and put yourself first, this is the one time in your life when it is definitely okay to be selfish. I found that meditation was very helpful while I was undergoing treatment, perhaps you could give it a try.