Unsupportive partner

Posting in here as right at this moment I don’t know whether to cry, scream or get blind drunk and do both! 


I was diagnosed January this year with tubular breast cancer and had a lumpectomy on 22nd Feb. I’m healing nicely, had good post surgery results and have my oncology appt tomorrow to discuss starting rads. This should all help me mentally but my partner has been unsupportive from the start or at least I feel he has been. I know he struggles with empathy ( he was diagnosed with aspergers in Nov 15) but somethings are beyond a joke now. 


The day I got diagnosed, he got blind drunk at night and crashed out in the spare bedroom. I needed a cuddle and ended up crying myself to sleep. He took 2 days off to “look after” me after my surgery but my first day home, apart from asking if I want a cup of tea a few times, he watched horror films (which I can’t stand) in the lounge and starting drinking at lunch time. By 7pm, I was feeling very sick and he was unable to stand and fetch me a bucket. I had to get my own and yep he stormed off and crashed out in the spare bedroom. 


I earn more than my partner by around £1000 a month and unfortunately I don’t get company sick pay so I’ve chosen to work part time from home to elevate any financial worries and only took 3 days post surgery completely off. My March pay was around £700 short of my full time wage (work has broken down my annual salary into an hourly rate). I told my partner this but he has not offered or  given me any more money than usual to run the house etc. I feel really let down and I’m stressing about bills as April is a 5 week mon the. It hurts as I fully supported him through losing his job for 6 months last year. 


He casually informed me Saturday that he has offered to go and give a friend of his a foot massage who has just had a dmx which is lovely…but where is mine! I’m his partner and he’s not once offered to help me relax. If I mention this it’s going to look like jealousy but it’s not. I simple want to be thought about instead of being this strong and solid person that in fact is crumbling emotionally and mentally.


Final straw tonight he has thrown a fit that my oncology appt is 11am, middle of the day and he’s got paper work at work piling up and he’s tired. He’s on call tonight and stormed out on a job and I feel like changing the locks so he can’t get in. He has been to every appt so far but I just want to go on my own now. I don’t want to be anyone’s burden.


I’m sorry for the long whinge but didn’t know who else might understand to whinge to. Someone else please tell me I’m not on my own for feeling let down and so vulnerable. It could all be my emotional state of BC is heightening my emotional state of other life issues and I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill 

Oh my lovely. I totally get where you are coming from. I have a totally unsupportive partner too. Or did have until my healing went wrong and he happened to be there whilst they read me the riot act. He has Crohn’s disease and is currently out of work as he is undergoing a years treatment. I thought this would make him more empathetic but no.
If I was you I would be totally peeved at the foot massage thing. For goodness sake! The thing is men do need it spelled out to them sometimes and with the added complication of aspergers it must be flipping hard for you. My GP who has supported me through depression over my partners selfishness over the years said things like BC either bring you together or have the opposite effect.
I can’t offer any advice really but just want you to know you’re not alone.
I don’t know how you pay your bills together but cut down your contribution and tell him you can’t afford any more. Love and hugs xxx