VERY black thoughts

i wish I could feel as optimistic as a lot of you ladies sound. Yesterday was not too bad but went to bed realising that even after the op and chemo and rads it will be 6 monthly check ups to see if I can live another six months. I don’t feel so much like I will finish the treatment and then everything will be ok until one day I am told there is nothing more can be done for me (which is frigtening enough), but it will be more like every 6 months I will go to my check up to see if I have another 6 months to live in the bank. I feel I wish I was less informed and then could just blindly believe that all is going to be ok.


My friends and family say ‘fight it’ and this silly belief that no one dies of breast cancer. But as the stastitics for survival drop more and more over the years I realise that this will more than likely be my killer. I am so scared of this. Please can someone assure me that as this time approaches I will be more accepting of the place that I am at.

hi futuretwo,
So sorry to hear that you are on this place, obviously your team will work out the treatment plan needed to address your condition, but even so, outcomes can be so hard to predict anyway, depending on how you respond to treatment.
Have your discussed your feelings with your team or BCN, who will be able to refer you for any support to help with your feelings.
Do ring the helpline here to talk things through. There is support available to help you deal with this.
do take care

Hi Futuretwo

Welcome back

As the others have said, these are early days and you are still adjusting to the shock.

This is the most difficult time - waiting for treatment plan to kick in. Sometimes it really helps to chat things over, did you call the helpline? I have chatted to them on several occasions and they are very kind and supportive…they are there for just this very situation. It is easy to get into a negative spiral, but chatting about things gets us out of our seclusion and helps us to be more optimistic. Do come back and share how things ar going… what were you told at your appointment? We are all here for you xx

Hi Futuretwo,


As the others have said, these days waiting for the treatment plan to start post-diagnosis are the worst and your mind takes you to places it should not go. Once you have a plan things do get easier believe me. 


I’ve said this many times on here to newly diagnosed people but what made me feel more optimistic was this thought: our very wonderful but terribly cash and resource-strapped NHS would not be treating so many of us if they didn’t think there was an extremely good chance of a positive outcome for the vast majority of people. The NHS quite simply cannot spend resources where there is little chance of long-term success. 


Sorry you are feeling so rotten but we all know the place you are in at the moment and you will get out of it. 


Do use the helpline on this site if you feel talking to someone will help. I found it invaluable.


I finished treatment just under 12 months ago and feel pretty good now and am back enjoying life. One day in the not too distant future this will be you too. 


Ruth xx



There nothing more that I can add to what the other lovely ladies have said on here. Just know that we are here and there is the helpline which is manned by some really lovely people who will understand and listen to you.  You will see on here so many ladies who have been in teh same position being diagnosed and waiting for the treatment plan to be put in place, but once this has happened they have felt reassured that things are moving.