Lois what a fab post. It sums up this experience totally. I am on a high currently despite now on the waiting train again but that maybe beacuse I am off to the seaside for a week. Ladies the tears are natural and they come at some random times. One day whilst having a lovely lunch in a pub with a friend we both ended up in tears. The only tears I feel like crying today is at the cost of my phone bill, BC has a lot to answer to.
I am sorry if some of you feel I am a little jovial today but I hope it makes you realise you can have some pretty normal days where the dreaded BC doesn’t raise its head every waking minute!
Enjoy the sunshine ladies. Hugs to you all.
xxxxx
Lols, your post was SO helpful to me. You totally get it ! You are right, we are all in the same boat and it is good to support each other. Samjs, what a week to be by the sea ! Have a great time, the sea always makes us feel good. One reason why I’m so fed up is that I may not get to see the lovely sea this summer, due to this man sty disease.
Dear all, I’m another one on the waiting train! Like you Barnowl, I’ll get my results next friday 19th July - came out of hosp yesterday after WLE and removal of nodes (don’t yet know how many). My OH and daughters and neighbours have been keeping me sane with all the phone calls and visits, just can’t believe how exhausted I feel!
I find it’s at night when OH fast asleep that I lie there in my “But what if…” mode, the rest of the time I try to stay positive, but this whole experience changes a normal life so fast it really is so true that in life we never know what’s around the next corner. It’s only 3 weeks since my own news shattered my ordinary life. I’m being told all the time to just “Take it easy”, but am usually so active that it’s difficult delegating all the cooking, gardening etc to my OH.
The actual site of the Op hasn’t been too painful yet - does anyone know how long it takes for the anesthetic to wear off - the area under my arm still feels totally numb. I don’t know if that’s normal.
I’ve decided I shan’t tell my brothers and sisters until after my results next friday and even then I don’t really want to tell my Mum and Dad - after we lost my brother to Leukemia just last year, I’m afraid this would be one shock too many for them. So I’ve just got to get through this thing whatever it takes!
Best wishes to you all - Pendragon and Meconopsis for your own ops next Thursday, and hope all of you are doing OK - so many helpful comments from you all all - Poemsgalore, Zuleika, Samjs, Lols and everyone! All your comments help me to feel “normal” with all the ups and downs - love and hugs to you all xxx
Hi Sam enjoy being beside the seaside, have a NO BC week if you can.
zulika, hang on in there , I’m back from walk now and going in garden with good book it helps to lose yourself in something for awhile, I know I get annoyed when people say ul be fine but I’m saying it now, ul be fine it’s just that the treatment is such a bummer! And seems soooo long but do it we will! ( does that sound like that yodo thing from Star Wars?)!!!
Around all weekend cos youngest son has my car for 2 months!!! So post or pm feel free Hun, as you said onwards and upwards. Hugs xx
Hi sunflower our posts crossed I’ve been told underarm will always be numb, but sunburn feeling on underarm will eventually go. Bc doesn’t come alone. I do the lying down worrying thing at night but I’m trying not to cos it takes all your energy and you need that. I had wle and full ANC 3 and half weeks ago, exercise is everything, arm still painful but have nearly full range.
As you said we have to get through this thing whatever it takes, I hated telling my family, my dad is currently undergoing treatment for prostate cancer so my poor mum it’s surrounding her and see moved to south wales 3 years ago for me to look after her. And I will roll on 2014!!! I’ve used vet sensitive today under bad arm worked well afur tether surgery Monday and didnt want months growth hair! Good arm stinging a bit from vetted, so some advantage to numbness!!
once you’ve told your family it might be a big relief, I understand your hesitancy I waited ages to tell my sons as youngest had exams and interviews and eldest just starting own business, but they do cope as long as they see your coping, I tell my boys one thing at a time and in their own way they are very supportive. Waiting is the worst of this crappy disease as you have no control. Keep posting and let us know how you get on with results, all in same boat, hugs x
Hi all
Lois that was a great post you summed up so well how I have been feeling in the past 3 weeks since being dx. Most of the time I seem to be doing ok, keeping positive, my surgery is next Friday WLE and SNB and I have to say I just want it done so I know what we are dealing with.
Samjs it’s great to hear you being jovial it certainly lifted my spirits when I read your post. Have a great time by the sea, try and relax and forget all this for a few days.
Sunflowerfan I’m glad to hear your op went ok and good luck for your results on Frida, until then take the advice of your family and friends and relax and recoup a little you deserve it don’t you.
Take care all and have a lovely weekend in the sun.
Love
Chris
hi to you all and thank you for all your kind words it realy helps. sunflowerfan hi its been 10 days sins my opp it was a week before my anesthrtic wore off i feet very dizzey all the time like i had a few glasses of wine ( i wish. ) i still feel vrey numb on my boob and sore under my arm so what you are going though is normal. take care and we all have to be positive.
thanks for all the lovely and helpful comments. had my colposcopy yesterday and the seem concerned over some womb cells in my cervix and want the biopsy done whilst im having my sugery and also an ultrasound, im scared silly over this latest blip in my life. sorry if ive posted this before.
has anyone else had bad smears whilst waiting for or undergoing treatment for BC, by the way it was a borderline result, but is now probably CIN 2 with inflammation of my cervix, hope no one minds me asking.
its as everone says a round of visits and waiting, im not a patient person atm and just want this week to be over, tears all the time, cant slee, still going to work but im a carer and looking sfter people with cancer is hard atm.
good luck to everyone in what ever they are waiting for hope like the sun things turn out bright xx
Hi pendragon…as others have so eloquently articulated, it’s OK to go through whatever emotions (meltdowns even!) after diagnosis and through treatment. It is all perfectly natural and what feels right emotionally for you IS right for you. If your lymph nodes feel clear and appear clear on ultrasounds there is a slim chance that they will not be, as only path results from the sentinel node biopsy can see tiny cells through a microscope. In many hospitals a chest x-ray is pretty standard as they can tell from the x-ray if there is any evidence of spread and if so, follow it up with more sophisticated investigations. Just be reassured that you WILL get through this with the care of your professional team and the love and support of those closest to you; it won’t be easy and it will be challenging at times. You will look back this time next year and be amazed at your resilience. This time last year I was a bald, fat alien-looking being too exhausted to even dust the coffee table!!! Today I have pixie hair which looks like a short hair cut of choice (I did have chemo), have dropped 2 dress sizes and am running (OK fast walking!) the Race for Life next weekend…you take care x
thanks Maryland, good luck with race for life, my daughter did it a few years ago, you sound so poitive i hope that this time next year i can have a third of your strength at least.
its all happening so fast but not fast enough if yu know what i mean, my xray was clear, as i couldnt stand not knowing i rand the BC nurse to find out. seem to have up days and then something happens to knock the stuffing out of me.
you tc too xx
That’s great news about the chest x-ray I know exactly what you mean about the pace of things…it’s as if you’ve temporarily lost control of your life. Last year the future was hard to see, but it is here and it is the ‘present’… not easy to do, but try to focus on the here and now and resist the ‘what if’ temptation…that way you can feel a little more in control. Next year you will have as much, if not more(!) strength than me…it just doesn’t feel like it right now. As someone on these forums wrote a while ago ‘a year of your life in exchange for the rest of your life’…not a bad deal, and a useful mantra. Try and enjoy the sunshine
Hi ladies, just thought I would message as I lay by the pool!(rub it in Sam, I hear you say) Maryland good luck with the race for life. I went walking this morning along the front but it nearly killed me walking up the steepest of hills back to where we are staying. Knew I was unfit!Determined to do it every day, surely it will get easier.
Two weeks ago I was on another waiting journey(bone and ct scan results pending) and it was possibly the worse weekend of my life, worse than when I was told I had BC, due to the thoughts of what if it had spread. Thankfully despite it being in my lymph node and blood vessel there was no sign of it elsewhere. since I got my results I have felt the most relaxed since being diagnosed in April. I am just hoping this relaxed feeling is one that lasts right up to my next result day. Anyway ladies I will be off need to get as much Sun as possible cos it makes me feel so good. Almost sang that bit, people sitting near me will be thankful I didn’t!
Sam xx
thanks ladies for your lovely cmments, got my preop in morning. just wanted to ask how hubbies ec have taken the news my partner just told me to stop harping on about it all. can’t believe it, i need to talk to him but can’t, please help. its the most important thing in my life atm, also still got the bad smear results hanging over me, (sent me for an ultrasound now) panic has once again set in.
if my cancer in my breast seems very early and easily treatable is this good, my nodes seem normal, but im worrying now the cancer is in my womb or cervix. i do have pocs so have that against me too.
really sorry if i am harping on but you are such a great bunch of ladies…
If it’s any consolation, pendragon, I can’t say my OH has been exactly supportive, although I know he’s concerned in his own way! He is a very practical man, and his mantra is ‘if it can be fixed, get it fixed - if it can’t, no point worrying about it’…
He will listen to me going on about my worries, but I know he can’t understand why I need to talk so much about them. My daughter, on the other hand, has been so supportive and helpful, although I don’t like to pile too much neediness on her as she has her own life to lead and as a single mum it’s not easy.
You will find a kind of balance, and when the initial shock’s worn off a bit and you get some results you’ll feel more in control. Good luck for tomorrow, hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks Maryland - you’re an inspiration - hope your Race for Life goes well next w/e - I reckon that’s what I should aim to sign up for next summer - just to walk it though, as I’ve always shied away from running as I have never exactly been of a slight build or sporty persuasion! It would def be good to have something really worthwhile to aim for.
Thanks Lols and Barnowl for your helpful responses about the numbness, and to Mrs Ugbug and Zuleika - yes I agree a little bit of being spoilt lazing in the sunshine is definitely on the cards! One of my daughters came to stay yesterday and we had a wonderful time catching up and sitting in the shade (it really has been too hot!!!) - then my OH managed to cut his leg badly while getting the BBQ out - luckily my daughter’s a nurse so quickly sorted his wound out and dressed it beautifully. He was so cross with himself as feels he’s supposed to be looking after me!
And best of luck to Pendragon with your current roller coaster with the additional glitches - as if it’s not worrying enough with the BC, my heartfelt sympathy now they’re looking at the abnormal cells from the smear. 4 years ago now I had a couple of ops “downstairs” when they said I had to have abnormal cells removed, but all turned out to be fine when they got the results - best of luck and try not to worry-I’m sure it’ll be nothing for you to worry about. Will be thinking of you and everyone else due to have ops this coming week. And to Samjs hope you’re enjoying your time by the seaside, hope not too many noisy seagulls like there are here in Torbay!
Take care and love and hugs to all of you,
Chris xxx
Hi ladies, pendragon my OH very quiet about it all, I found him crying the other week when I woke in the night, but on the outside he appears tough, in their own way they are probably just as worried and scared as us but they are from mars or somewhere arnt they , so the book says . I’m surrounded my males, OH, 6 sons between us , 2 brothers, dad, it’s only me and my mum the girls in all this . Men really do act differently but deep down insure your OH is just as worried as you they just cope differently.
years ago I had bad smear results and had treatment , don’t worry about that too much, it’s all completely sortable and the treatment if its anything is fine . That’s the good thing about regular smears they catch things before they are much to worry about.
if you can’t talk to OH you’ve always got us on the forum even I find that easier than talking to my OH , think they get sick of hearing us worrying all the time, mine sighs a lot if I’m giving on about test results etc, so I come on here then.
hi Annie, how’s your arm ironic but mines really improved last 2 days and tomorrow surgery same damn place. Your lucky you have a daughter must be a great help at mo, I’m leaning on my mum bait she’s been brill, bless her.
maryland good luck for race for life, il do it next year .
im not ignoring Sam I’ve already spoken to her, beside the seaside
all take care have lovely evenings, not too much worrying, says worrier!!! Xx
thanks ladies, to cap it all he’s now watching his series and this week a lady has cancer i asked him to turn it off he said oh its only cancer. im glad youre all here how eld=se would i even begin to cope.
im so wooried that theyve sent me for a ultrasound following my colposcopy, i broke down and the nurse wouldnt let me go, then got back to car and had got a £70 parking ticket just cant win at the mo.
hes just told his mum im very depressed what does he expect, cant take much more of this …
I know exactly what you mean about the pace of things…it’s as if you’ve temporarily lost control of your life. Last year the future was hard to see, but it is here and it is the ‘present’… not easy to do, but try to focus on the here and now and resist the ‘what if’ temptation…that way you can feel a little more in control. Next year you will have as much, if not more(!) strength than me…it just doesn’t feel like it right now. As someone on these forums wrote a while ago ‘a year of your life in exchange for the rest of your life’…not a bad deal, and a useful mantra. Try and enjoy the sunshine