I was diagnosed in February had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed and five sessions of radiotherapy and then I saw the oncologist in August who said I was free of cancer I got back to some kind of normality with life. Now Christmas is coming up I am really not feeling it I don’t want to put the tree or decs up and just want to get this year over and done with although I know next year my diagnosis is not going to miraculously go. I’m on hormone treatment for the next five years. I then feel guilty about not bothering with Christmas and putting the tree and decs up. Is this normal to feel like this.
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Completely normal! No tree here either this year as I start chemo next week (no children in the house to make decorations worthwhile). My elderly mum keeps asking if she can visit for Christmas & I just have to say no as I have no idea how I’m going to feel. If this teaches us nothing else I think it’s that we can be selfish for once & just say no thanks to things and Christmas is just one of those things this year. You look after yourself any way you see fit right now-that’s all there is Xx
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Thank you my son is 28 and married and is going to visit his wife’s mum in Romania over Christmas so it is going to be a very quiet Christmas with just my sister and my mum and my nephew is popping over and go be honest the thought of getting the tree up and decs I just can’t be bothered
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Your turn to do what you want…my diagnosis came towards the end of November last year. My husband put the tree up. I couldn’t be arsed. I didn’t buy any presents. Son and his wife and our daughter changed their plans as wanted to be with me. Husband had flu so was banished as I didn’t want it as I had further biopsies on NYE and was waiting to start chemo etc. It wasn’t joyful as I was expecting more bad news…I cooked the dinner on autopilot. This year I’ve instructed them to do what they want. So it’s just the two of us at home. Not bothering with Christmas dinner.
I will be glad when 2025 has finished. I know I should celebrate that I have got through and chemo, targeted therapy, double mastectomy… I am grateful to have survived but actually I would really like to forget what I’ve endured.
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Thank you that is how I feel I just want to get this year over and done with to be honest I am just processing what has happened as when I got the diagnosis I just went into auto pilot
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Your needs are what matters here and there is certainly a lot to process after a year of being on a rollercoaster of treatment.
Christmas is over- hyped anyway and places a lot of stress on the shoulders of ( mostly ) women.
Besides I read that the trend this year is to be more relaxed about it all.
Enjoy the company of your visitors and take the opportunity to relax and care for yourself.
I wish you well. Love Tulip x
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Thank you, everyone’s comments on this has made me feel better and not guilty. Christmas Day will be quiet but I think that is what I need this year.
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Maybe think about doing the Moving Forwards course - what you’re experiencing now , this processing afterwards is completely normal . Often people expect you ( and you may expect yourself ) to be feeling great because you’re cured but as you say when you’re having treatment you just get on with it there’s no other choice really and you don’t think too deeply about it because you need all your strength to heal physically and focus on the next thing. Afterwards is when you start to deal with it . Christmas comes whether we are ready for it or not - I never am and I know people who never bother with Christmas decorations . It’s a shame that you won’t be with your son after the year you have had but maybe it’s for the best if you’re not feeling it Maybe just try to think of it as a chance to spend some quality girl time with your sister and Mum xx
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Honestly if I didn’t have children at home I wouldn’t bother with Christmas at all! Was in TK Maxx yesterday and it was just full of people piling up trolleys with tat and it made me really depressed for some reason. Don’t know why.
I too was diagnosed in February and have been on the whole conveyor belt of surgery, chemo and radio this year. Now on hormone treatment for 10 years. Since active treatment is finished and I’ve even got some hair back I think everyone expects business as usual for Christmas but I just can’t be arsed. Thankfully I have a husband who takes on a lot of the responsibility for stuff (including his own family: I’ve never understood why some women sort out their in-laws gifts?). But I’m now sitting here thinking I have a nephew to buy for, and teacher gifts because I don’t want to look like an arsehole.
Can I write off 2025 for tax purposes?
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I have done the Moving Forwards course and I have to say I did find that really useful, I have also signed up for the MacMillan course I think it is online and it is called HOPE but it doesn’t start until Feb and I have also started counselling which again is helping. It is just weird all of a sudden I have felt like this towards this Christmas normally I like this time of year and I still do and usually Christmas Day is very busy with about 12 people coming round so I am looking forward to having a quiet Christmas plus I am working in between Christmas and New Year so I didn’t really want a busy one and I am seeing my son and his wife on the Monday after Christmas which will be nice.
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My sister has been really supportive and offered to come round to put the tree up and I said I really don’t want to I am just not feeling it and like you can’t be arsed. I made sure I got all my presents early and handed them out early and again sent all my christmas cards off early too just to get them out of the way. I feel guilty I am not in a more festive spirit and then I think no I want to do what I want after the year I have had. Hopefully next year will be better, I am dreading the first three months as that will be a year from when everything started I hate wishing time away but I just want to get to spring next year to get all the first anniversaries etc over and done with.
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Nice to have a quieter one for a change sometimes . Christmas for me is usually only a couple of days as I also work between Christmas and New Year xx
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Good afternoon ladies, I saw this thread earlier and couldn’t believe the title!
I was diagnosed in March, had a double lumpectomy and lymph node removal in July followed by radiotherapy in October. I am now trying to find the right Letrozole brand to take as I have had some bad reactions so everything feels upside down and Christmas isn’t something I feel bothered about right now and it’s good to know that I’m not alone in these feelings!
Hubby is brilliant and is not pushing for decs etc and my daughter is putting lots of bits up in her house so I can feel Christmassy when I go there with no guilt about not doing my own house.
I am going to my sister for Christmas Day and Boxing Day which is what we do every year so that will be nice.
I know it sounds selfish but because the cancer is gone it seems that everybody has forgotten that I had the dreaded C diagnosis and everything carries on as normal but it is different for me! I’m struggling how to explain how I feel without coming across as selfish or over dramatic but I feel a lot more normal knowing that there are others feeling the same as me.
Thank you for brightening up my Monday
Charlotte x
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Dear Charlotte
Your last paragraph has just summed up how I feel but I didn’t want to tell people that was how I was feeling.
Thank you for reassuring me that I am not the only person who feels like this.
Sarah
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Hi Sarah
It definitely doesn’t seem like we are the only ones! I don’t know about you but I feel a bit teary and vindicated that these feelings are normal and there’s a lot of us around to support one another. For me I know that the cancer is gone and fingers crossed it stays that way but life does feel different somehow. Next year maybe I’ll look back on this year with a smile that says “ I did it!” 
Lots of love
Charlotte x
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Hi Charlotte
I find it really hard when I speak to people explaining that the cancer is gone, I end up saying I am cancer free at the moment because mine was picked up through a routine mammogram no symptoms etc I think it can come back without me knowing and I know the tablets I am on is helping which gives me some peace of mind but every pain, lump etc I worry that it has come back. I am hoping this time next year I will feel more at peace with the diagnosis and will have processed it and not worry so much about it coming back. I am finding it harder now all the treatment etc has finished than when I was going through the operation and radiotherapy.
Sarah
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Hi @lottie73 and @smurphy, I feel exactly the same as you and it’s a relief to know it’s not just me! I had a lumpectomy in April, radiotherapy in June and am on Letrozole (Accord brand which suits me best). Physically I’ve recovered well with only a few annoying side-effects. People tell us how well we’re looking and assuming that everything’s “back to normal” but we can’t forget that we’ve had cancer and what we’ve been through. I find it’s continually in my thoughts and, like both of you, I have little interest in Christmas this year. I’m looking forward to spending the day on my own in my PJs, eating and drinking what I like and watching what I like on the telly! It’s been a tough year for all of us but let’s hope next year will be better. 
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Again you have summed up how I feel people used to say to me how are you and I say oh yeah fine when I wasn’t but now if people ask me and I am not feeling great I am honest particularly at work. I also find it is in my thoughts continually. I was on Letrozole but it gave me really bad joint pain which didn’t help so my oncologist changed me to Exemestane which is better it still gives me some side effects but nothing I can’t handle. I am the same just looking forward to sitting in front of the TV doing nothing, hopefully this time next year I will have processed what has happened and as I told my counsellor learn to live with the fact I was diagnosed. I honestly thought that there was something the matter with me feeling that I want to get Christmas over but reading the comments above it has made me realise that no I am not alone in thinking that other women also feel like that.
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Hi @smurphy
I was diagnosed on December 2, 2020, and I went into pre-op isolation on Christmas Eve.
My husband and I had always spent Christmas quietly, just the two of us. In fact, our very first Christmas together we were 200 miles apart - no mobiles back then, and neither of our homes even had a phone, so it took days before we could hear each other’s voice.
The following year we got engaged on Christmas Day with an (unwanted) round of family celebrations. Every year after that we chose to close the door on Christmas Eve and bunker down in our own little world for a few days. We still “did” Christmas, just in a way that felt right for us.
We were always late with the decorations - a habit from both our childhoods, and after my dad died on December 19, 1999, we began putting everything up on the 19th. It became our little ritual. When the lights went on, it always felt like a guiding light towards the future and, in 2020, it was a hopeful symbol of being BC-free.
Christmas 2020 was very quiet for obvious reasons, but we still made it our own. I never felt like giving up on it. And now, as my 5-year anniversary of being BC-free approaches, I still try to see that bright future.
The truth is, I struggle to bother these days because my lovely husband died 20 months ago. I know I’ll cry like a baby when those lights go on - but I still do it, because of the memories and the love wrapped up in them. And I hate having to go and spend a few days with my family - I’m not strong enough to face it on my own… yet.
So please don’t feel bad if you can’t face Christmas this year. Some years are heavier than others. Be gentle with yourself, and do whatever feels right for you. There is no “proper” way to get through it - only the way that helps you breathe. And remember: Christmas Day is really only a Sunday with crackers and a messed-up TV schedule, and Boxing Day is actually eat-your-own-weight-in-cheese-and-leftovers day.
It’s your Christmas - if you can’t do what you want for one day (at least) of the year there’s somethingwrong with that. But do think of those you live with and what they want, and try some sort of compromise.
Love, AnGELa x
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I thought it was just me feeling that I really can’t be bothered so it is great to know that I am not alone. I felt obliged to reluctantly put up some decs. Was feeling a bit guilty but reading through these posts has made me feel much better.
I am awaiting a date for my lumpectomy which got cancelled at the last minute when I was on the ward and ready to go so now I am just waiting to hear what the plan is and will it be before or after Christmas. I can’t really plan anything until I have news.
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