Melissa, your husband can be there in the room without you being ‘on show’ - they do have curtains to preserve your dignity.
Or he can wait until the examination is over and then come in. You certainly don’t need to face this on your own. Mine has never been in for any examination but I certainly needed him when I was talking to the doctor. Your brain really doesn’t work at these times so you need another person to listen for you.
Wishing you all the best,
Kathleen
Melissa,
I took my other half in with me, (even though he wanted to sit in the car, I threw him “that look” we women do so well, you know the one, with the raised eyebrows)
He appeared in the waiting room… (Likely because football was on the TV and I would have taken all the batteries out of the remote control)
I would suggest that you take him in with you, he’s part of this too, while they are very good at doing the bloke thing and puffing out their chests and saying “Darling, you’ll be fine” they do have feelings too, you need the support!
Just reiterating what Kathleen said. My husband has been along to all of my appointments and I’ve been poked and prodded in lots of different clinics and hospitals and have always had a curtain pulled around me and my husband hasn’t been able to see anything.
Obviously it depends on your relationship, but if you are a really close couple, as Sommer43 says, he’s part of this too. You were frustrated that he wasn’t talking about the “what ifs” etc - but this will probably be the first bit that will make him feel involved and actually hit him that it’s all real. Obviously, we’re all hoping the results are clear - but at least you will have involved him and he will probably appreciate more how worried and scared you were. And if it IS something, then you’ll be stronger as a couple for facing it together.
There are women on here who went to all of their appointments without their partners and that would have been right for them and their type of relationship. My husband insisted he was present…and to be honest I’d have been a bit miffed if I’d had to ask him! And if it had been the other way round, I would have been by his side every step of the way.
Thank you Kathleen, Sommer and Sandy toes,
Your advice is absolutely right I hadn’t thought of it like that. I will take him with me for support and an extra pair of ears.
Thank you
melissa xxx
Hey Melissa,
Firstly best of luck for thu - I really really hope you have positive news :-). Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive all the time, even if you naturally are…I think a potential diagnosis can do awful things to you in terms of anxiety and fear. You have my sympathy.
I was diagnosed with BC in November with what the consultant thought were benign tumours, and only the core needle biopsy proved otherwise.
I’m 30, it came as a total shock, BUT, my healthcare team have been fantastic and have supported me every step of the way. To say that my outlook on life has changed is an understatement and there are so many good things that come out of this dreadful disease too - it’s just not always easy to see them at first.
Don’t ever beat yourself up for feeling the emotion associated with the value of life - it is precious!!
We are all individual and amazing in our own way,
Love and hugs,
Sarah xx
Hi this is my first time posting on here. I’ve been following you all around on various threads for a bit and at the moment feel like you are possibly the only people who actually really get it. My friends and family are wonderful don’t get me wrong , but as one of you has said- they aren’t in my head! I too am playing the waiting game. I have an ultrasound on Tuesday 28th and I am petrified. I know that I need to try and be positive and that dwelling on negative and what ifs will not change the outcome, but all this advice is just so overwhelming, and frankly from people who haven’t walked in these shoes not helping.I swing madly from being positive to almost unable to bear it and feeling panicky. My clinic appointment threw me completely, I was in there for ten seconds, the consultant just said it was probably a fatty lump, he actually called it something else, and I had to ask what that meant! I was so flipped out I had to ask the poor nurse three times what she had asked me to do! this is me just having a huge moan I’m sorry, 6 days to go and I’m at the end of my rope. can’t sleep. When I do I wake up at stupid o’clock like now.Imagining finding all sorts of lumps bumps and twinges. Fine one minute , gibbering wreck the next. I’d really like someone to knock me out for the next six days now. Sorry for the rambling rant! I don’t know how else to deal with myself.
Hi there,
I can still remember the awful waiting time form 9 years ago and again I had it last year as well. There’s nothing you can do, just dig deep in that bag we all have to resorces to cope, but i never found one with ‘facing a diagnosis of cancer’ in there, so there are no groundrules on how each one of us willl cope. I certainly would take your partner as you feel very vunerable on your own, even with a breast care nurse with you.
Wishing you the very best for Thursday, we await your post and hope for the best…
Clare xxx
Hi Spacechick, welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the support here you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of our helpliners, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat on 0808 800 6000
Take care
Lucy
Thank you Potmaid and Sarah,
you are right the waiting is awful. I have all sorts going round and round in my head, from feeling silly for worrying when it could be nothing to what if I have the big c how will I tell people? The worst thing for me at the moment is my mum goes to Cuba tomorrow (lucky moo) and she is going to phone me tomorrow night to find out what the results are. If anything is wrong do I tell her or do I tell a white lie so I don’t ruin her holiday? I don’t know how I would be able to speak to her without getting upset. Maybe I should get my OH to speak to her if it is anything to worry about. Would that be the right thing to do or not? I just don’t know.
Thank you
melissa xxx
Melissa, When your Mum calls, you’ll do whatever feels right at the time. You are already coping with the waiting by talking about your feelings, whatever happens tomorrow you’ll cope with as well. What is the alternative?
None of us feel like we are strong, resourceful, inspirational ladies. We are just frightened ladies doing what we can to cope with what life has dealt us, in whatever way we can.
Spacechick - Welcome to the sleepless nights. You are already in training just in case you need to join us on this journey. We can all relate to ‘the duvet game’.
I just keep thinking ‘this time last year, I had no idea what I would have to face’ and now, I have had a right breast Mx, Chemo, hospital admissions because of infections, hair loss (it’s coming back) and no chance of a return to work due to benefits situation.
BUT I have met some lovely ladies online, some of them I have met for coffee or day trips. AND I have come through to the other side thinking ‘It’s only a year out of my life to help me enjoy the years I have left’
Tomorrow will come, with whatever news it has to bring, Tuesday will come with it’s news. Whatever news they bring you will both show your true colours and will cope with the aftermath. We all hope the news will be positive, but if not, you will bring out that inner strength that is waiting to appear.
Love and <<<hugs> June</hugs>
Hi Melissa
Let’s hope that you can tell your Mum the truth and there really is nothing to worry about. However, if the results are otherwise I think that you should somehow speak to your Mum yourself as wouldn’t she worry more if she didn’t get to speak to you herself, but speak to your OH? I don’t think she needs to know the truth whilst she is on holiday though as there is nothing she can do from so far away other than worry herself silly about you which will spoil her holiday too. Perhaps you can just say that you need some further tests rather than tell her the truth.
I remember that my Father went into hospital for tests on the day we went to Italy 27 years ago. My children were only 7 and 10 at the time. When I phoned home my Mother told me everything was fine which was so brave of her as in actual fact he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my sister broke the news when she picked us up on our return. He died 3 weeks later. Had my Mother had told me the truth there would have been nothing to do other than spend our holiday worrying and trying to keep it from my children.
Even if your diagnosis is breast cancer your prognosis will certainly be infinitely better than my Father’s was, and by the time that your Mother returns from her holday you will be feeling a lot calmer and in control of the situation, especially if you have your treatment plan by then. Giving her your results when she can give you a hug after will be far better for you both and you can support one another for the journey ahead.
Good luck and let’s hope that you really can speak to her tomorrow night and tell her the truth and that there really is nothing wrong with you.
Melissa
I am 3 months into diagnosis which now unfortunately makes me a pro…Mx left breast and a quarter way through chemo i still sit here now and think is this really happening???
the mist seemed to descend and head went down reached in the “bag” and dug up something that has helped me face this…don’t know what that something is but am hopeful you will not need to find it…
I will be thinking of you tomorrow
Julie x x
Melissa,
I was diagnosed a month before my son was due to marry and had mx just over a week before the wedding. My eldest son was in New York for work, my youngest was working in Edinburgh and two of my boys were expecting me to start caring for their children a week later when their partners returned to work. I had no choice but to drop my bombshell and everyone got things sorted with amazing speed.
Nothing is harder than telling the bad news to loved ones, but we all find the way and then get on.
I sincerely hope that you will be able to tell your mum that it was all a false alarm. If not, you will know what to do when the moment arrives and whatever you have to do, she’ll cope. That’s what mums do!
Hoping to hear only good news from you soon.
Hugs,
Kathleen
Thank you ladies for your kind words,
I’m having a bit of bother from my right upper arm and side of breast where lump is. My upper arm and armpit are quite painful I keep getting shooting pains which deem my arm useless for a few seconds. My breast is aching I don’t know if this has any relevance to the lump or just a coincidence along with a bit of paranoia. I am a little stressed too. My OH just phoned me and said again “it’s probably nothing” and I know he means well but I bit his head off. I have sent a text apologising and telling him how I’m feeling hopefully that might make him think lol. I need this day to go a bit faster seems to be really dragging. Rant over.
Melissa xxx
Hugs Melissa, I will be thinking of you tomorrow and really hope all goes well. I like you have been having the odd pains in neck/shoulder etc and don’t know what they are of if I am just being paranoid! Now I have flu so at least I am aching all over so not noticing the boob pain (although I say that and this afternoon it’s started throbbing), but took my mind off things I must say. Let us know how it goes, take care hun xxx
Can I just add this is not like me at all I am usually very placid nothing EVER gets to me usually. My OH is gonna think I’ve gone crazy lol. Shouting at him and crying like a wailing banshee (sp?) lol xxx
Melissa,
If there’s an OH around here who hasn’t been attacked by a wailing banshee at some point , he is a very rare beast indeed. They don’t always get how we feel and so we have to explain in simple terms! Mine took it personally at the start but he’s realised that it’s about me, not him, right now and so he bites his tongue and lets me rant.
I’ve never seen a man more shocked than he was at my diagnosis - he even asked the BCN if the doctor could have made a mistake. Don’t be surprised by any daft thing yours may say. I think it’s fear running away with their brains.
When it came to the hard part, mine overcame his terror of all things medical to walk to the theatre door alongside my trolley. At moments like that you see what’s really there. Tell him what you need and expect to get it.
Here’s hoping that what you need is a celebratory dinner out tomorrow night.
Love,
Kathleen
Hi Melissa,
I totally understand how you feel and I too go for my tests tomorrow having only found my lump on Monday. My head is in bits and I just want to scream. I wish you all the best for tomorrow hunni xxx
Hi Kittyqueen,
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.
To help you along I have put for you below the link to BCC’s publication ‘Referral to a breast clinic’ which I hope you find helpful. Also, to give you some added support the helpline staff are here at the end of a phone. Calls are free, lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2, 0808 800 6000.
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/worried-about-breast-cancer/referral-breast-clinic-bcc70
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Kitty, come on here for some very therapeutic virtual screaming. we ALL know how you feel. Best of luck.
CM
x