Wanting to give up

Hi girls and guys,

misery alert! Don’t read on if you want to enjoy your Friday night.

I’m having a really hard time on my current treatment (Enhertu) and just can’t bear the thought of having another dose (which is due on Wednesday). Every time I think about it I start crying and I just want to run away. This is so not like me, I’m usually pretty stoic and just get on with it, but I’m not tolerating the side effects on this at all well. I’ve had 7 rounds so far and my team have tried absolutely everything they can offer me to beat the nausea, but nothing works! I’ve had a bad reaction to two of the anti-nausea meds, and others just seem to make no difference or make the nausea worse. It’s appalling for the first week, then continues to come and go through the other two weeks.  I just don’t know what to do. I know this drug was having a really good effect on my tumours (peritoneum & lung) after the first 3 cycles, and my sense is that any other treatment would be likely to be less effective. I’m getting scan results on Monday and I just don’t know what to say if it’s still being effective.

i’m just at the end of my tether and feel like I’m a great big ball of misery…. I don’t want to rant at my friends and family as they’ve taken so much already and I know they find it really hard as they feel so helpless to do anything. But I’m really struggling to hold it all together or get any joy out of life.

I’m also beginning to wonder if it’s somehow all in my head - like Its a learned response. I feel sick as soon as I start driving to the hospital, even for a blood test!

I thought you guys would understand. Thanks for listening. Any words of advice/perspective on this would be gratefully received


Ohhh, sweetheart

You are definitely in need of a big. loooong, gentle hug. Maybe a Good sob too. 

Can you perhaps call someone, tell 'em your having a “crash” and need a BIG hug, ask them to come over?? Let it out to, for them to just listen and hug/hold. Difficult to do through the ether on here. Think you deffo need some actual PHYSICAL contact and to just let go to. Hey??

Sending you some cheer below, and LOVE + big hug,   Delly XX 

Hi Jacksy

Just reading your post made me anxious, being an emetophobe (terror of vomiting). If I’m honest, I’d be frightened just being in the same room as someone with nausea, which once was hard to confess. So why am I posting? Every post deserves to be read and I was struck by how much you are achieving, just getting there and allowing the treatment to go ahead. Your mental strength is amazing. Never mind the tears - they are a useful outlet when you need them, not a sign of weakness at all - but driving? During chemo? I tried that on paclitaxel and trashed 4 cars in a one-driver accident! So I put myself through all sorts of tests before I get behind the wheel!

The joy will come back. You have a supportive husband who sounds like he could deal with an emotional tsunami, let alone a rant, so don’t protect him - you NEED him for this.

Homing in on one issue you raised, yes - I’m living proof that you can think yourself into feeling sick. Add the enhertu to the mix and off you go. I can make no practical suggestions apart from nux vom 30, a homoeopathic remedy* that eases nausea and vomiting and shouldn’t interfere with your chemo. It’s available OTC at health shops and large pharmacies and is a useful string to add to your bow. It does work but I’m not sure how helpful it can be with your severity. Worth and try though and it can’t do any harm.

Also, have you tried simple hypnotherapy? Progressive Hypnosis have a wide range of meditation videos on YouTube and you might find one that reduces the anxiety or specifically addresses nausea. Ive just taken my 9 tablets of oral chemo and I’m about to dedicate the next 90 minutes to my daily anti-anxiety meditation. I find it very soothing and it boosts my confidence about chemo nausea.

I do hope you find something that works, though maybe try a combination of somethings. All the best

Jan xx

* Fact? Homoeopathy simply cannot work. It defies science. Yet when I asked if I could take arnica 30 to avoid IV bruising, the hospital pharmacist said no, it might thin my blood and cause problems. So, doctors may think it’s nonsense but even they admit there might be something to it!!