Wedding nerves....

Wedding nerves…

Wedding nerves… Hi there,
Just needed some advice. Im finally getting married in 3 weeks time after a long engagement filled with lots of chemo and other nice treatments so the dream day has finally arrived and with some hair on my head too!!

However I am so nervous that I wake up every day at 3:30am in a panic as I am feeling a tremendous guilt on my fiance, we are getting married under such uncertain circumstances and really if honest I have an expiry date so its really hard. I still feel I’m holding him back and that he needs to find someone who is healthy and fertile not me who cant give him children and is on/off treatment most of the time. He’s 30!

Then everytime I think of walking down the aisle I start getting emotional and I dont want the day for everyone to pity us. I mean the ‘in sickness and health till death do us part’ couldnt be more pertinent could it! My emotions are all over the place and I am really excited and Im so happy its wedding emotions instead of feeling crappy on chemo emotions but my head is so mixed up with these conflicting feelings I think Im going to pass out before the actual wedding date!!

In and amongst all this I’ve had spine pain and the hospital are planning some radiation around the wedding date and Ive had to have a blood transfusion as Im anemic. This is not how I dreamed my wedding to be.

Any advice for my bridal madness greatfully excepted please
Lara xx

Hi Nicky,

It sounds like everything you are feeling is to be expected but married or not we all feel the same guilt from time to time. I’ve just had my 10th wedding anniversary and feel awful I won’t be here to celebrate my 20th.

Your Fiance loves you very much and am sure in a few weeks time you’ll be posting telling us how it was the best day of your life, it will be emotional but it will be fantastic, enjoy every minute.

Wish I could make it all better for you.

Love Twinkle xoxo

Hi Lara
If your man stuck through you through all of this, he knows the full picture and clearly loves you and wants to be with you, I would say let him honey. Wedding jitters are normal under any circumstances, and no-one really knows what the future holds whether they have had bc or not. I really do hope you can enjoy your wedding and being married, love is what counts not bc!

lots love to you

Lara we all have an expiry date- it’s just that you’ve had a grim reminder of yours.
Don’t feel guilty- your beloved wants you and you alone whatever the score. You’re lucky to have him and he knows he’s lucky to have you.
Not all chaps long to be fathers!
Happiness is the best medicine-stride up the aisle rejoicing and squeeze every drop of joy from life for both your sakes.
Doesn’t matter what the wedding guests think- their job is to shower you with love and good wishes.They’re fraudulent if they don’t and shouldn’t be there!
Very best wishes for years of blissful togetherness, dilly

Hi Lara,

I was married for 18 months when I was diagnosed and had also been trying to get pregnant for that time. I don’t have mets but don’t have a great prognosis.
I constantly feel bad for denying my husband his chance to have children too and for giving him a life of worry about illness and death. However, from day one he has said that he will always be here for me; to look after me when necessary and to have fun with at all times. We didn’t know that I would get BC when we got married but we are a team now and have to face this together. Your fiance is clearly a wonderful man too and you and he are a team and will fight this together.

Getting married is a bit stressful at the best of times and I was a nervous wreck until the day before, then on the day I was cool as a cucumber! I know it’s easy for me to say to you to enjoy it. What about asking a friend or family member to put the word out that theres to be no sympathy at all in any form from anyone? Also what about asking the hospital to change the dates for your radiation if possible? I’m sure they would try and accommodate you given that it’s for your wedding.

I hope you have a wonderful day and remember that your fiance clearly loves you for who you are and everything that comes with you. Wishing you lots of happiness, Carla x

To Lara Hi Lara, Its wierd how our lives turn out hey, not quiet what we had ordered?! A wedding is a celebration of your love for each other, also a way of expressing that love. Your partner probably needs that maybe more than you do? What would be really sad, is if you didnt get married after all the ups and downs that you have shared together, dont feel guilty about anything, just enjoy it and celebrate your love and committment to each other! Oh and remember its your day, no one elses, so dont even think about how other people will feel, although Im sure they will all be so happy and pleased for you both. Take care Lara and I hope you will be well before and during your wedding.

With Love, Suzy

Thank you Thanks so much for all your replies… I think i sounded a bit down about it all but I am very very excited and happy to be getting married to such a wonderful man, I know how lucky I should feel.

All your words really made sense to me and I sure am not going to let BC get the better of what will hopefully be the best day of my life!

I’ll just have to calm the nerves somehow
Thanks you so much
love Lara xx

your marriage vows the vows say “in sickness and in health” - and they are not for nothing

Hugs Lara.

May I wish you and your partner all the very best wishes, I hope the sun shines on you both on your special day.

Enjoy the day, then next year we want to read your message saying that your 1st anniversary is coming up, and telling us how you are going to celebrate.

Hugs to you both.

Val. XXXX.

Congratulations. Have a lovely day…xxxxxxxxxxx

Keeper!! Lara, Sounds like you found yourself a wonderful man who is a real keeper!!! Good luck to you and enjoy your special day. Keep smiling. Funnyface

Hi Lara,

Shakespeare, of course, says it all.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Enjoy your day.


Congratulations Lara, have a great day. xxx

Thank you Thank you all so much for all your kind words and l love the Shakespeare Sue.

Its two weeks today and the emotions are exhausting me but at the same time very exciting. Just trying to think of now and not too much about the future…

lots of love
Lara xx

I Lara

Your finace sounds a wonderful person and obviously loves you very much and is with you because he loves you and wants to be not for what you can or cannot give him or how long you will be together.

I met my lovely partner 10 weeks after my mastectomy and recinstruction in 2004. He never bothered about the scars or the shape of my less than perfect breasts (he constantly told me I was beautiful and still does). When my lung mets was diagnosed in October 2006 I too felt really guilty and told him that he should leave me and find someone he could grow old with as my life span is complelty unpredictable (I’m 55 and he’s 53) but he said he loved me too much for that and would be with me forever, however long forever is going to be. Maybe some day I will be lucky enough to marry him but after 4 weddings and a funeral between us (two marriages each and my second husband passing away) he is very nervous about it - but fingers crossed. I know that with or without marriage he will be with me the whole way.

Enjoy your wedding day when it arrives and and live in love and happiness together.

Luv Jan xx

lara do let us know how it went when you’ve walked the walk and talk the talk to tell us all about it when you have!
Remember what a load of good wishes are pouring your way from here- gotta be good! dilly