Thanks Enid for starting this thread and for all the ladies who have contributed. I finished my chemotherapy last week (3EC/3TAX) and have spent most of the weekend crying. At first I thought it was just the relief of the chemo being over and making it through but I guess that there were a lot of other thoughts and emotions flying around which I still have to deal with.
Reading through the comments, I can see that I’ve still got a way to go but also that it’s ok to have a good cry. Having got through the chemo I do feel more positive and stronger but will see how the emotions react during radiotherapy and tamoxifen.
Lincslady, you’re probably thinking of CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It tends to be targeted at specific areas that you want to deal with and helps you to understand why you feel as you do currently, and what you can change to help you feel better about whatever it is.
Anti-depressants can be really, really helpful and aren’t an admission of failure as some people seem to think but are an excellent way to help you take back control. Together with the talking therapies they can be a really positive thing and I hope the two-pronged attack is helpful for you. If you can, try to cut yourself some slack while the anti-d’s start to work. You may find things start to look a little less bleak after 4-6 weeks (depending on the type, of course). Don’t expect to wake up one morning with a big bang of cheerfulness and bluebirds all over the place, you will gradually realise that you’re not feeling quite so bad and you might not be able to put your finger on when that happens exactly.
You should also take a read of the linked article on the first page, it really makes a lot of sense and is very well written and makes a whole lot of sense.
I’m writing this from experience of depression a few years ago completely unrelated to BC, but I hope it helps, and I wish you the very best of luck.
Hi Ladies
I take prozac, it works in that I don’t live in the black place, but the counselling at the Haven has also made me feel so much better. It has made me face the facts of the BC and how it has left me. The new normal. One of my symptoms of the black place is how much I sleep, so please get this checked out.
I’m hoping to move to St John’s Wort which is a natural antidepressant. But not today.
Regards
Chinook
Oh was definately weepy tuesday for me today! Was fine until someone was a bit arsey in a meeting - knew i was going to cry so excused myself and went to the toliet to have a little blub. Only problem was that once i started i couldn’t seem to stop and then i would think about how embarassing it all was aand about having to go back into the office again and that would set me off again.
I am not the most attractive of criers - none of that diginfied,lip quivering, solitary tear rolling down porcelain cheek sort of thing, oh no, i tend to get very red eyed, puffy ,ridiculously blotchy and snotty. It actually took me a couple of hours before i looked normal enough to go back in!!! Have felt wiped out the whole day and still a tearful whenever i think about it. I know we all need a wee cry every so often but do wish i was made of slightly sterner stuff!
Hi All
St Johns Wort sounds like a good idea and one I will think about as I do not want to go back on anti d’s. Counselling is helping as I have finally found a counsellor I really trust and can talk to. It has taken a long time for some of the real bad stuff to come to the surface and it is very hard and upsetting. At the moment things are very bad but I know that it often gets worse before it gets better.
There is alot of stuff from the past that I thought I had delt with until I got BC and then it all came flooding back
good luck to everyone
Louise
I take St John’s Wort intermittently and find it helps a lot with taking the edge off any black moods or feelings. Years ago I had 2 very bad bouts of depression related in the first case to bereavement and in the second stress at work. Last time was 20 years ago and I know things have moved on, but I would never want to take antidepressants again. In the winter I think I suffer from a degree of SAD (I’m in Scotland so not a lot of daylight at this time of year), the St J’s helps with this. I’ve also been going to a gym twice a week since before Christmas and find it helps my level of focus if I go before I start work in the morning.
I still get very weepy. I keep it from friends and family as much as possible. I had mastectomy a year ago with lymph node removal and chemo, then a prophylactic mx with ld flap and double reconstruction nearly 3 weeks ago. I’m feeling really low at the moment. Obviously I don’t go for mammograms now and oddly enough I found that going for the mammogram kept me “in the system” and looked after, a sort of safety net. Now I feel that I have to feel for any changes myself and I don’t want to end up becoming some paranoid woman that the hospital gets sick of. BC leaves a huge mark on all of our lives. I try to keep positive but I’m not so hard on myself now and if I feel crap I let it all out
Hi
not on any meds so have been and got some St John’s Wort am going to give it a go for 2 months. My hubby thinks it is a good idea as I do not want anti d’s
thanks to everyone for their help
Louise
hi only just visited site for quite a while it has been just over 3 years since i finished my treatment i am on tomoxefin and first time since 2008 i am going to see a counsellor so you are not alone in your fears it is just some days you need to just talk.
Louise, you might want to ask about St John’s Wort, as I think I read that because it has similar effects to anti-d’s it might be contra-indicated when taking Tamoxifen or aromatase inhibitors. Might be worth a call to your oncologist perhaps?
Before you start to take anything that has not been prescribed for you by your meds team, BCC always recommend that you check with your team first to ensure that these will not have any adverse effects.
hi enid, i too have just logged onto this site. i was diagnosed 3 years ago and i have my mammogram on Thursday. its natural for us to be worried at this time. i think us girls should all give ourselves a pat on the back, we are all quite remarkable.
Hello Siddle
I hope all goes well on Thursday. I’ve just got all clear from my five year mammogram. They’ve all been clear since DX but I’m still as usefull as a chocolate fire guard for a couple of days before.
I hope all is well and it doesn’t hurt too much.
Regards
Chinook
I agree we are all amazing.
