This sounds really silly, but I am going to write it down anyway and hope that maybe what I am saying is normal.

I was diagnosed last March and 14 months on its been quite an ordeal. Four lots of surgery, radiotherapy, chemo, herceptin and Tamoxifen. I am still having herceptin (half way through).

Anyway hubby and I have come away for a week in Lanzarote. First break since chemo, rads etc. We go home on Sunday and I don’t want to go home. Not because I want to stay on holiday, but because this has been an escape from months and months of weekly/daily appointments at the Marsden. The enormity of what I have been through has hit me. Am I normal?

Hugs and best wishes to everyone.

SGL xx


Thanks choccie, I am in a bit of a strange surreal place tonight.

Hope your ok. xxx

Yes, that sounds very normal to me…you just want a normal life again, one not dictated by hospital appts, treatment and side effects xxx

Thank you Minhay. This break feels a total contrast to everything at home, and I think thats why I dont want to go back to my normal life again. BC is such a surreal experience. You think your doing ok, then suddenly it jumps up and bites you on the bottom and says “you wont forget me”!


We only went to butlins and i never wanted to come home to reality! sounds hilarious but true. we were so happy there. no worries.happy kids etc.


Thanks Evie at least I know I am normal lol well normalish!!! lol I usually get to the stage on holiday that I want to go home, but I dont want to EVER go home lol xx

Hi Stargazerlily. Yes you are so normal. I was diagnosed in March last year. I went to Tenerife this March and really didn’t want to come home at all. For me it was the fact that I had to be “Normal” again. I am also finding it very hard at the moment.
Maj x

awww, you were diagnosed at the same time as me, so we are probably at the same stage in treatment, so the same stage in our heads too lol I was diagnosed the day before the japanese Tsunami, it took my mind off those first few days of total shock and horror.


I was diagnosed on 17th march. ironic really as it is St patricks day and i am Irish!! Yes we are probably at the same stage in our heads lol xx

Aww, I was diagnosed on the 10th, a week before you. A thursday if I remember correctly. Are you on tamoxifen. xx

Yes it was a Thurs i remember it so clearly.

No i am on anastrozole. Lots of aches ,tiredness, and very little sleep! are you on Tamoxifen if so how is it ?

Yes I am on Tamoxifen. I found it horrendous to begin with, but now on citalapram and its amazing. I feel like me again, and not the hormonal crazy women lol xx

Thats good to hear you have something that is working for you and you can tolerate it. hope it stays that way for you.

Thank you, what are the side effects of the drug you are taking. Does it mess with your hormones etc. xx

That’s poop stargazerlilly 4 times no wonder you wanted to stay on holiday. I am a behind you I got the news in June. We were on holiday the first week in Easter hols with the snow wind and hail in a touring caravan I may add… But I loved it and didn’t want to come home either. I didn’t realise there was something diff to tamoxifen !
Mine is a live hate… I not sure which is worse the herceptain or the tamoxifen…

Silver x

hi sgl
no, sorry, everyone else is wrong: you’re not ‘normal’
‘normal’ people (we don’t see any on the forums) wouldn’t be able to even begin to cope with 1/2, no, 1/4, no, 1/10 of what you’ve been through & still be able to do things like breathe, get dressed most days, get & give fantastic support, let alone arrange a break away which sounds soooooooo sensible & nice
you are abnormally extraordinary, like a lot of women around here
it’s too easy to forget that & give ourselves a hard time for being grumpy / being knackered / not being able to get throughh all the chores we could manage before bc (see, that’s what ‘normal’ people think is really clever)/ cry, laugh & let someone find a vein all at the same time …
have a lovely last couple of days, lovely - try & relax & soak up being in nirmal-land for a while (no wonder it feels a bit strange!) & remember you don’t need to gird any loins again till after you get home
‘normal’ people don’t want to come home from a lovely break to a couple of bills & the washing up (aaaaaaaah, them were the days) - no way are you ‘normal’!

well said Norberte!

I keep saying I’m nearly back to “normal” but I’m not sure I want to be the way I was… I want to learn from all this **ap and grow into a different sort of a butterfly… Normal?? Hah! Who wants to be NORMAL!? (er… me … actually… who am I trying to kid here???)


Well said Noberte

That was a nice message and you are absolutely right!

Louisa x