My friend (38) has recently been diagnosed with Grade 1 breast cancer. She had a masectomy a few weeks ago and has just returned home and I think it’s just starting to hit her. She’s worried about chemo and losing her hair, and generally she’s just at a loss as to how she is going to cope with this.
What can I say/do for her? I found a thread about what not to say, which was really useful - but is there anything you can think of that she might appreciate at the moment?
I don’t want to bother her by keep ringing etc as she’ll come to me when she wants to talk. I just feel pretty useless at the moment
Thanks
Hi
Does your friend have a family, if so try and take away the stress of washing, cooking and cleaning from her. This i found just took so much pressure of me, especially when having chemo. just tell her you will be with her every step and just be yourself so she can see your friendship is still teh same.
Good luck
lisa x
Your friend must be very lucky to have such a thoughtful friend as you for support during this time. As you pointed out the reality of having cancer has hit home and all that she has to go through is frightening her. As for what you can do, just be there. I agree that keep ringing is not ideal as some days she probably doesnt want to speak to anyone, but she needs to know for sure that you are there for her. Could you text her or email her instead? That way she knows you are there. Time and time again on this forum, people are so hurt because it seems that their friends are avoiding them, whereas possibly their friends are unsure what to do for the best. I would much rather have a friend who keeps trying to contact me, even if at times I dont want to speak, than one who stays away. As for what to say, just let her know you care and let her do the talking.
Hi
the fact that you are thinking of things that you want to do to help shows you are a good friend - many give you a wide birth until the treatment is over. If you don’t want to bother her by phoning then text her so she knows you are thinking about her - also little trips out for coffee are good - don’t wait for her to ask cos that makes you think people are only saying yes cos your ill!! Just say I’m going to do XXX do you fancy coming with me???
Be honest - tell her you want to be there for her but not entirely sure want she may need from you - talk. Let her know about this site and some of the info on here there are some useful booklets etc that you can down load. Offers to attend treatment are always good if she doesn’t have an OH etc
do phone her from time to time don@t just wait for her to call
regards
Helen
Do tell her about this site. Those of us in the midst of treatments like chemo have small discussion groups and can compare symptoms and it really helps when you’re terrified of the next treatment to talk to others who’ve just done it.
It’s like a rollercoaster and especially so when you’ve just been diagnosed. There you were happily living your own life and bumph suddenly you need to start dealing with mortality and become a medical expert in about 2 weeks, it’s stunningly heavy going in the start and it can make you feel like hiding in a corner. It might help her to know that this is actually a really supportive place and not totally depressing (I thought it might be myself).
There’s also some good leaflets here about hair loss from chemo etc but does she know that she’ll be doing that yet as not everyone does chemo.
But I agree with everyone, let her know you’re around for her and not avoid her and in time I’m sure she’ll talk to you when she’s ready.
You’re a good friend I’m sure, it sounds like it.
I’ve just thought of something else. Let her know that you don’t mind one bit if she moans or is down. One of the hardest things for me has been having to keep putting on a brave face and a painted smile for work, social affairs, family etc. Sometimes I just want to rant and rave and behave like a toddler and have a tantrum and at times, I have lashed out at those closest. If she knows that she can truly be herself with you and have a good moan, cry whatever and you won’t take offence or be shocked, then you will truly be a good friend.
Thank you for your replies. I’ll definatley point her in your direction x